


And We're Back Here Again

by goodnessake



Series: And We're Doing This Shit Again [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean!AU, Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Attempt at Humor, Character Death, Crack, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Galra Keith (Voltron), Multi, Rated mature for gratuitous amount of swearing?, Time Loop, angst what angst?, galra!au, you can't not have a time loop fic and not have the characters die at least once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:05:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 73,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7859347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnessake/pseuds/goodnessake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After falling through the wormhole the paladins find themselves in a time loop. </p><p>aka Team Voltron dick around in alternate universes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It was just a small little idea which became this monster. It started because I was sad that there weren't any time loop fic in the fandom so I decided to try my hand at making one. I'm an inexperienced writer so please feel free to give me constructive criticism. 
> 
> And about the pairings.... Like I said, I'm not an experienced writer and I have no idea how to write romance so it might be a while until I get to it sorry  
> -_-"
> 
> This is unbeta-ed so feel free to tell me if I've made any mistakes or leave any suggestions for what you'd like to see the team do.

Loop 39

Allura could not believe her eyes. Never in all her years has she been so shocked. “You cannot possibly be thinking of going out into battle in that?!”

Shiro looked up to Allura, his helmet resting on his hip. “I don't see why not.”

“But it's so... so... distasteful!”

Standing in front of her are the paladins of Voltron dressed in lion fur suits colour coordinated to match their respective lions.

“Is this an Earth thing?” Coran asked.

Lance looked at him dead in the eye, not that he could see it through the ‘head’, and said, “Yes.”

And in loop number thirty-nine, the universe came to know, fear, and respect the five furry paladins of Voltron.

* * *

Loop 101 (1)

Lance watched Hunk and Shay talk at the cliffside. The sun was moving up high in the sky and they had not seemed to move since their moment at the break of dawn. The Balmera rotates very slowly and sunrise and sunset could take hours so who knows how long they've been sitting together.

The rest paladins had spent their time teaching the Balmerans to defend themselves in case the Galra were ever to return and even gave them a communicator. Pretty standard Balmera stuff done a hundred times over all in all. Lance wondered if Hunk was going through the motions or was actually talking to her.

It was hard to see conversations with people as actual conversations instead of repeated dialogue when you have looped so many times.

Lance hummed to himself as he plucked his guitar. This time around, they decided to bring instruments to entertain themselves. They had not really played instruments before and decided that they would try to master one by the time this loop ends, so this was a nice new challenge. Besides, Keith picked up a guitar as well and Lance was determined to be better at it than him, never mind that Keith was learning bass and Lance was not.

Lance was sitting a little ways off from the castle on one of the newly formed crystals. The warm reds of the sunrise lit the crystals up and the refracted lights bounced here and there. He had to admit, no matter how many times he had seen it, Balmera was a beautiful planet. Especially at sunrise.

He looked away from the sunrise when he heard the crunch of footsteps. A Balmeran child shyly approached him, he (or was it a she?) shifted uncomfortably for a second before pointing at his guitar and asking, “What is that?" (Ah female then.)

“This is a guitar.” Lance explained. “It's used to make music. Here, listen.” He strummed a random tune on his guitar.  

The little kid stared in awe and Lance grinned. “Here lemme play you something.” He said and started to play.

\-----

Princess Allura had already been escorted to her quarters to rest. Pretty standard stuff. Shiro knew that Coran would be taking off in an hour or so, not wanting to linger for too long. The rest of the team had dispersed to do their own thing out of sheer boredom despite their fatigue. Even if they had saved this planet a hundred times over times, fighting, running and avoiding gunfire was still exhausting no matter how many time you do it. Though that didn't stop it from being devastatingly boring.

Shiro exited the castle to check up on what the rest were up to. He knew that Hunk would want to spend some time with Shay, that was a given, but the rest were a little unpredictable. He heard faint music and was drawn to where the rest of the paladins were jamming out in the front of a crowd of Balmerans on top of a large crystal.

Speakers and mics were set up (Pidge and Hunk’s work Shiro assumed), the two huge black speakers bracketing the four of them as they played.

Hunk was on the drum set, Pidge on the keyboard, Lance with a guitar and Keith on a bass. Lance sang about hope and freedom to a catchy beat. Shiro was pretty sure they were singing a cover but couldn't quite recall the name of the song.

“Thank you Balmera! We love you!” Lance shouted into the mic as the music died down. Cheers erupted from the crowd of Balmerans, this was the most excited Shiro has seen them in a long time.

The four of them hopped off the ‘stage’ and approached Shiro with face-splitting grins. “Hey.” He greeted them before turning to look at Keith for answers.

“They wanted to introduce Balmera to the ‘wonders of music’ early.” Keith hooked his fingers with air quotes.

“Lance wanted to show off.” Pidge said bluntly.

“Hey! You helped!” Lance pouted.

“Yes, but only because the last time we let their musical culture develop by themselves we had to sit through welcoming hymns that sounded like someone shaking thousands of bees in a container accompanied by loud booms whenever we came back.”

“And we came back _a lot_ ,” Keith added.

Hunk had the decency to look sheepish. “I'm sorry?”

Lance patted him on the back. “It's okay buddy. All in the name of love and all that.”

“Right. Well, we’re leaving soon so it's time to pack up.” Shiro said with his dad voice. The rest of them groaned but obediently trudged back up to the makeshift stage.

* * *

Loop 1 (1)

“Okay what the _quiznack_ is going on?” Hunk asked as he ran up to Pidge and Lance in the corridor outside the chemistry lab.

The two of them had their heads bent over with their foreheads almost touching and their expressions grave, their body language screaming that they wanted to be left alone. You could see their lips move but barely a whisper could be heard. Their discussion was obviously very serious and none of your fucking business.

Their faces broke out into relieved smiles as they looked up to see Hunk coming up to them.

“Hunk! You too?” Lance gasped. “Great! The whole gang’s here. Now we just gotta find Keith and Shiro.”

“Oh thank god.” Hunk sighed and placed a hand on his chest in relief. “I was afraid that I was gonna the only one flung here.”

The last thing that they'd remembered was falling through the corrupted wormhole before finding themselves back on Earth the day they crashed the simulation.

Hunk found himself waking up at the cafeteria in front of a tray of food (which he ate with much enthusiasm) during lunch completely confused.

Pidge and Lance woke up when their lecturer slapped a book against their heads in chemistry class.

“In any case I think we should get out of here and find Keith.” Pidge said.

“Wait wait wait not so fast.” Lance said. “If we really are back in time we need to prepare some supplies. Because there is no way I am going to endure space goo and only having two sets of clothes again.”

Hunk’s eyes lit up. “Oh yeah! That's a good idea! I almost forgot about that.” He whipped his phone and began typing out a list of things they'll need to bring.

Pidge gasped as if she suddenly remembered something. “Hey, do you think we'd be able to go into town and buy some stuff while we're at it?”

“Sure. It's not like we're going for any of our classes anymore, and we'd need to drop by to get down stuff anyway. Why?”

“There are no pads or tampons in space and space pads are uncomfortable.”

“...”

Lance cleared his throat. “Yeah.... you guys go do whatever. I'll go call my parents. Meet you guys at the hangar B in thirty minutes okay? And bring everything you're packing!”

Lance had already run off before either of them had a chance to reply.

* * *

Loop 89

Allura could not quite understand the humans. They were close she could tell and it helped that their piloting skills and teamwork was exceptionally good which made forming Voltron easy for them. Suspiciously so if you'd ask her but no matter, it was one less thing to concern herself with. She had bigger things to worry about.

Like the alarming number of ‘DVDs’ that flooded the lounge.

“What is the meaning of this?!” She yelled. She waded through the knee-high sea of DVD boxes before coming to stop in front of the paladins on the couch. “Shiro?” She crossed her arms.

Shiro looked up at her lazily as he lounged on the couch. The rest of the paladins were cuddled around him. Pidge had tucked herself under his chin while Hunk was leaning on his right shoulder. Keith was on the floor leaning against his legs while Lance was basically laying across Shiro and Hunk’s laps with his hand in Keith's hair.

Shiro blew a strand of Pidge’s hair away from his face before simply answering, “It's movie night.”

“First of all, it's noon. And second of all, why do you have all of these strewn about in such a mess? And why are there so many of them?!” Allura made a sweeping gesture emphasising her point.

“Yeah... we may have gone overboard with the shopping spree.” Pidge reluctantly admitted.

Lance sat up. “Hey princess! Why don't you join us? We're just about to start Golion!"

"Golion? What is that?"

"Just wait and see." Lance smirked and started slotted in the CD.

Safe to say, Allura was not amused.

* * *

Loop 1 (2)

Keith had woken up on a familiar lumpy couch with familiar aches in his back. He groggily beheld a familiar dusty ceiling with familiar cracks and familiar water stains on it.

His eyes drifted close before flying back open. He bolted up and took in the sight of a horribly familiar shack. His shack. The shack in the desert. The shack in the desert on Earth.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Everything looked just as he had left it. There wasn’t even an increase in the amount of dust and sand. Just as he was about to freak out internally and maybe externally, there was a heavy knock on the door.

“Hey mullet boy, open up!”

He recognised that voice anywhere. He ripped open the door to see Lance, Hunk and Pidge standing on his front porch surrounded by boxes and boxes of... stuff.

He tilted his head to get a better look of the brand printed on many of the boxes. “Is that forty boxes worth of Kotex?”

“Yes yes. Anyway,” Lance brushed off, “when I say Vol you say????”

“.... Tron?”

And then Lance proceeded to lose his shit.

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (2)

A huge festival was being held at a marketplace of a Galra-liberated planet hub. Hundreds of different kinds of aliens were bustling about in organised chaos. One group of aliens in particular, was standing around a holo-poster in a corner.

“Oh my _god_ , you're here for the celebration concert too?!” One alien with blue tentacles for hair asked the others.

“Yeah! I got here like, two days ago,” the other shorter yellow alien with feather-like hair and razor sharp talon fingers said, “I've been waiting my whole life for this concert. Literally, I was born like twelve moon cycles ago.”

“ _Oh em gee_ same. Who's your bias?” another alien, a pink glob with no discernible features asked excitedly.

“The yellow Paladin!” the two other aliens answered at the same time. They shared an excited look as they all started to squeal.

“He's so kind and compassionate and he's funny and sweet and so _so_ cute.”

“I knooow he's so dreamy.”

“And he's so talented.”

“Okay okay, don't kill me, but I think the black Paladin might be my bias wreaker.”

“No shame. Everyone has a crush on Shiro. _Everyone_.”

A little way from the squealing fans was an insect looking alien sitting at a cafe drinking alkalai from a cup with a local from the planet. The local was a humanoid with pastel blue skin, flaming orange hair and had a third eye.

“Kids these days. They'll find anything attractive. Even those paladins with their strange eyes and their uglier ears,” the insect alien complained.

“That is true. In our culture, only having two eyes is a terrible handicap and I must say, the first time I saw them I was horrified but you weren't there when they drove the Galra off,” the local alien said patiently, “I was. They were an impressive sight. The blue paladin gunned down Galra drones like vampiric ice flies. And when they formed the legendary Voltron, I swear I felt tears in my eyes.”

There was a pause in their conversation as the teenagers across the street squealed again.

“You have a blue paladin poster stuck on your bedroom ceiling don't you.” The insect alien state with a sip of his alkali.

“Yes." The other alien said shamelessly, "Yes I do."

* * *

Loop 2

The desert shack was dead silent. Team Voltron had their arms crossed and were staring off into different directions. Right outside the window is a crashed Galra ship, the one Shiro escaped in.

“So, we're back here,” Pidge stated.

“Yes,” Hunk replied.

“Oh my god why? We saved the fucking universe! And we’re back at the start all over again!” Pidge screamed, “It's not fair! Haven't we done enough?!”

She violently slammed herself back into the couch and pressed her palms into her eyes. “I'm tired. I'm so, so tired.”

Hunk gathered her into his arms and patted her on the back comfortingly. “It's okay. It's going to be fine,” he said.

“Alright. So we didn't just go back in time,” Shiro said calmly.

“We’re probably stuck in a time loop since we're back at the start all over again,” Lance offered while rubbing his left leg.

“So what are we going to do now?” Keith asked.

Pidge groaned in frustration. “We know where the lions are and we know where my family is. Let's just go and get this over and done with.” She stood up, determination and frustration burning in her eyes. She stomped out of the shack, dust falling from the ceiling with each step.

Even with her tiny body right now she could make the ground shake, Shiro mused. Everyone else exchanged eye contact before dutifully following her out.

* * *

Loop 3

“Hey. Wake up.”

“Ugh I'm back here again,” Pidge groaned and swatted Lance’s hand away, burying her face deeper into the crook of her arm. “Just let me sleep forever.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Lance looked back up to where the lecturer writing something on the board. What was her name again? Well, it did not matter. It was not like they would be staying here for long anyway.

“So you wanna go meet up with the fam later?” he asked.

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever,” Pidge mumbled through her arm.

* * *

Loop 4

Keith was sitting on Lance’s bed when the Garrison students entered.

“Well this is new,” Lance said before flopping next to Keith.

Keith shrugged. “Didn't want to wait for you guys to show up.”

“Must've been a nice hike. How's your hip?” Hunk asked mildly.

“Shut the fuck up. We're not over ninety anymore. My hip’s fine,” Keith bit back.

“Whatever you say, old man,” Pidge teased.

“AUGH!”

* * *

Loop 6

The hologram of the red lion appeared before Keith. “And you Keith will pilot the Red lion,” Allura said.

From the corner of his eye, Keith could see Shiro suppress a yawn.

“Yeah I have a question,” Hunk raised his hand, “I mean, the lions choose us through like, personality and stuff so how do you know us well enough to assign us lions? You just met us!”

Allura blushed. “That isn't important right now. We need you to go find the rest of the lions and form Voltron. The universe depends on it.”

The team made a sound of agreement and grumbled incoherently as they trudged out of the control room.

“I swear if I take a shot every time someone says ‘form Voltron’,” Pidge grumbled.

* * *

Loop 7

When Keith woke up in his shack the first thing he heard was the screeching of tires. He got up to see Lance at the wheel of a stolen Garrison jeep with Hunk sitting shotgun and Pidge in the back. They were all wearing aviators.

Lance stuck his head out and flipped his aviators onto his head. “Get in loser we’re going shopping!”

Keith broke out into a face-splitting grin and jumped into the jeep.

A day later on the castle ship had all five paladins dressed head to toe in pink. Nothing's changed about their wardrobe, it was just pink.

Allura had a hard time assigning lions.

* * *

Loop 242 (1)

Of all the loops Hunk had been in, he had never actually been to Altea. How could he? It had been destroyed years before the loops began.

So when closed his eye in the previous loop only to open them on Altea instead of the familiar Garrison cafeteria, he felt the shock of his life.

His eyes bulged as he stared out into the city outside his window. Altea looked like a mix of Lothlórien from The Lord of the Rings and some Cyberpunk city.

In other words, it was gorgeous.

He ripped his eyes away from the stunning sight and reminded himself that he had more important things to worry about, that being finding the rest of the paladins.

Just as he was about to leave his room, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He froze before launching himself at it.

“Holy cow!” he gasped, touching his reflection. He delicately touched his face before tentatively touching his ears. “I'm Altean!”

\-----

“Okay, so we may not be in a time loop like we thought,” Pidge said with her arms crossed. She scratched her cheek which only drew attention to the green markings on her face.

Shiro blinked and mentally scolded himself for staring before he shifted his gaze to the rest of the team.

The five paladins were gathered in the Castle of Lion’s kitchen, which was at least almost like exactly the same as always, only with way more Alteans milling about. It seemed that breakfast time was over so there was less people in there.

They were all seated at the table with Shiro at the head. They were all dressed in typical Altean garb which corresponded to their usual colours. Five plates of square looking food (huh turns out Alteans don't eat food goop all the time) were set out in front of them but they took no notice.

“We might have actually been going through alternate realities that were similar to our original. So we're following the multiple universe theory in this case. In which every possible reality can and will exist,” Lance concluded thoughtfully.

“Wow Lance. I didn't know you had it in you,” Keith said.

“I read! And besides, I like science fiction. Hundred over loops and you still don't know me that well,” Lance tsked.

“It's not loops anymore, it's alternate realities,” Hunk reminded him.

“Yeah but loops are so much easier to say,” Lance argued, “I know! We can call these variant realities loopdeeloops!”

“Nuh-uh.” Hunk shook his head.

“Nope,” Pidge shut down.

“That sounds dumb.,” Keith said.

“All right enough,” Shiro cut them off, “And Lance, we can't use loopdeeloop because it's the name of a level in Super Mario Galaxy.”

“...”

“How do you even _know_ that?” Pidge hissed.

Shiro shrugged. “I play video games in my spare time.”

Just then an Altean lady with a long brown braid came bursting into the kitchen. She had blue markings, which seemed to be the most common colour, and was wearing the... Blue paladin armour.

“Oh, hey! I'm sorry. Is there any breakfast left?” she asked.

“Sure,” Pidge said, stunned but sliding her plate across the table to her.

“Thank you,” she said cheerfully and scarfed the food down her throat. “How's it goin’ Shiro?”

“Fine, caught some guards slacking off last night. Nothing much,” Shiro said automatically.

He blinked.

How did he know that? Oh wait, he was a captain of the guards in the Castle of Lions. Suddenly, information about his life as an Altean until this point came flooding into his head. Unlike the flashbacks he had experienced before, this felt like suddenly recalling a memory from your childhood or something you thought you had long forgotten.

“You need to lighten up a little,” the Altean blue paladin teased while waving her spork at him. She stuffed the last of the square food into her mouth. “Well I've got to go, Zarkon wants us to train more and I'm late. See you!”

She was barely out the door before Shiro turned to the rest of the team. “Did you guys feel that?”

“You mean suddenly receiving memories of living this life? Yes,” Keith replied.

“That never happened before,” Hunk said slowly.

“Well up till now, we've been in realities where everything was just about exactly the same so of course, it wouldn't have happened before. Or maybe the changes were so subtle we didn't notice it,” Pidge thought out loud, “These memories are probably from the ‘us’ that have been living here until now.”

“Our ‘loopdeeloop memories’ if you will,” Lance added.

“Lance,” Keith deadpanned.

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

* * *

Loop 1 (3)

“So this is the plan,” Pidge explained while pointing at the map on Keith’s conspiracy cork board, “When Shiro crash lands near the Garrison, Keith will get him out on his hovercraft like the last time. Only now the three of us will already be in the Blue lion’s cave. He’ll meet us at the entrance and then we'll help him get Shiro into the lion. After that, Lance’ll fly us out. Any questions?”

“Yeah, will arriving on Arus a day early affect anything? I mean, the more we change things the less we know what's gonna happen,” Lance brought up.

Pidge rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “That’s true.”

“Well, nothing's really going all that wrong at the beginning so I say we stick as closely to what happened as possible until we get out lions,” Hunk suggested.

“I can work with that,” Keith agrees.

“Sounds good to me.” Lance nods his head.

Pidge clapped her hands once. “Alright! Now that we've got that out of the way, we should go load up the Blue lion with our cargo.”

“What?” Lance whined. “We still have tomorrow to do that!”

“Nope, we have a timeline to follow and lugging around cargo will slow us down. Right now we have hours before sunset to get all of that stuff down there.”

Lance wanted to argue but struggled to find fault in that logic. “Urgh. Fine. Let's go.”

“Look at you, cargo pilot. Finally being responsible,” Keith teased.

“Keith.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like 2am what am I doing with my life
> 
> Loop 39: According to the rules of the Internet rule 39: ‘There is furry porn of it. No exceptions’.
> 
> Loop 1: I get really concerned whenever people with vaginas run off to have adventures. What are they gonna do about their periods?
> 
> Loop 101: 101 is the number of times I've played Palette by Nano on my iTunes. Not a lot I know but it's apparently my most played song. 
> 
> Loop 242: Beast King Golion air date was on the 24th of February.
> 
> Edit 26/1/17: Changed Loop 89 a little, just had them watch Golion instead of Start Trek, and some general grammar and formatting errors
> 
> Edit 13/2/17: changed some words and sentence structures here and there. Oh and added some more description and covered up contradictions


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are stupid and silly then get kind of serious and then gets silly again and then goes back to serious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments! It makes me so happy that people actually like my stupid jokes. I'm not sure about this chapter since some parts seem a little too serious for my liking but in any case I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Edit 26/1/17  
> Edit 14/2/17

Loop 58 (1)

The five paladins stood in a circle in the castle ship’s control room. Their expressions dead serious. In each of their hands is a holopad.

Allura was at the other end of the room ignoring them and concentrating on the star map she had up. She had long since gotten used to her paladins’ eccentricities and has made the executive decision to ignore them.

Lance activated his holopad and presented it to the rest. “There! My bounty is 399,000,000,000,000 GAC. Let's see you beat that!”

Hunk raised his eyebrow and presented his holopad, the hologram displaying bright red numbers 399,400,000,000,000. “Read it and weep,” he said proudly.

“Is that really the best you can do?” Keith challenged and held up his holopad, 399,800,000,000,000 GAC it read.

Pidge wordlessly held up her holopad. It read 399,800,000,000,001 GAC.

“You had a perfectly good wholesome round number,” Hunk said, “How the heck did you get one dollar added?”

Pidge crossed her arms with a smirk plastered on her face. “Just did a few things here and there on a small planet. Turns out, the bounty they placed on me when converted into GAC is just one dollar.”

Up until this point, Shiro had been suspiciously silent. A hush fell over the team as the rest of the paladins eyed their leader. Slowly he pulled his holopad from under his arm and unlocked it. The hologram of his bounty flickered to life.

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 GAC 

Lance and Keith went up close to it as if the number of zeros would decrease if they stared hard enough.

“How?!” they yelled at the same time.

Shiro scoffed. “As if I'd tell you my trade secrets.”

“Takashi Shirogane, also known as the Black paladin of Voltron, is wanted for sleeping with several Galra official’s sons and daughters. Not to mention a few high-ranking officials themselves and leaked their nudes,” Allura cut in.

The wanted posters and information displayed in front of her. Shiro shot her a betrayed look to which she gave him a deadpan expression. He narrowed his eyes with a ‘don't slut shame me Allura’ look.

“Okay, what the fuck Shiro,” Pidge said. 

“Literally,” Lance sniggered. 

“Not now Lance,” Keith said pushing Lance’s face away.

“Relax no one was forced or anything.” Shiro held his hands up in defence. “We were responsible consenting adults. I only leaked the nudes of those who tried to do shit I didn't want to do. I kicked their ass AND THEN leaked their nudes.”

“That's not the problem,” Hunk sighs and face palmed.

“And it also doesn't help that Zarkon really really wants me,” Shiro added. 

“EW GROSS!” Pidge screamed. 

“I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!” Lance gagged. 

“OH MY GOD SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OR I WILL MAKE YOU.” Keith screeched.

“This isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't happening-” Hunk chanted to himself.

Allura was back to blocking them out and achieving inner peace. 

“What?” Shiro said innocently, “We all know that Zarkon wants the Black lion.” 

“You DID NOT mean for us to take it that way and you know it!” Pigde yelled.

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (3)

Thousands of aliens screamed as Shiro crooned into the mic. Lights flashed and smoke machines whirred as the he hit that final note and the music faded.

“Thank you. You've been such a great audience,” Shiro said, “And I just want to let you know that even if the situation seems hopeless, I want you to keep having faith and push on because no matter what you can get through it. Thank you.”

Then the stage lights went out and the crowd went wild.

Backstage the paladins were taking a well-deserved break. The concert involved various costume changes but ended off with them in their paladin armour so they were sitting about in various positions drinking from their water pouches in their black under armour, having taken the top armour off the moment they came in. Pidge was even lying flat on her back on the floor.

Playing concerts after they liberated a planet became a thing for them. Then some of the planets requested recordings of them playing so that they can play it on their alien radio or something and they agreed.

After that, planets that have not been taken by the Galra yet invited them to play at their planet and discuss an alliance and they agreed.

On top of all their defenders of the universe work they had somehow become a boy band.

“ _Even if the situation seems hopeless I want you to have faith,_ ” Pidge imitated mockingly from the floor, “I swear Shiro, that was the most cringiest thing that has come out of your mouth to date.”

Shiro blushed. “We’re in the public’s eye more now than ever and we have to give them hope. In our older loops we were just soldiers. Now we're semi-celebrities, our words hold more weight.”

“Still the cringiest thing to have come out from your mouth in recent memory,” Keith intoned.

Allura burst into the room with a sweep of her skirt, looking flawless as always. “Excellent performance as usual paladins!” she praised.

“Thanks princess. How was the meeting?” Lance asked.

“Went well as usual. Chief Plegflangm was very kind to let us stay here for a whole Earth week,” Allura smiled, “And Hunk, I have a surprise for you.”

She stepped aside to reveal Shay standing at the doorway.

“Shay!” Hunk exclaimed and ran up to hug her, tiredness temporarily forgotten. “I can't believe you managed to come!”

“It is a little strange to be away from the Balmera but I would not miss one of your concerts for the sun.” she laughed, “Besides, I get to brag that I was at your very first concert.”

“So how was your first time interacting with other PoV fans?” Pidge asked.

“It was.... an experience.” Shay seemed to struggle to find the right words. “Most were very nice and were very friendly. Some of the fans were very.... intense and used very strange terms.”

“Such as?” Hunk asked, apprehension oozing out of his every pore.

“There was this one term that was used very often. Klance was it? And Shidge? Oh and um, Sheith? Sorry if I pronounce them wrongly, these are very strange words.”

“Oh. OH MAN. This is gold oh my god.” Pidge broke down into a fit of laughter, practically clutching her sides and rolling about on the ground.

Shay just looked bewildered. “What is she talking about?”

Hunk looked like he was sucking on a lemon. “Nothing. Pidge is just insane,” he said as he ushered Shay out of their dressing room.

Later that day they all received a mass text from Hunk which read “DO NOT corrupt shay with shipping I swear I will end you all if you do. REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME. I refuse to go through that again.”

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (2)

Of all thing to feel weirded out by in this Altean loopdeeloop, Lance felt that not being the blue paladin was the biggest one.

It was not the first time he was not the blue paladin - don't get him wrong - but at least those last times he chose not to be whether it be by choosing not to leave the Earth in those loops or otherwise.

But this was the first time he was not the blue paladin by default and Lance did not know how to feel about that.

He walked through the trade centre lost in thought. He was supposed to pick up some fabric imported from a far-off planet whose name he could remember if he bothered to think hard enough. 

Shiro was a guard so he had to report for duty and told them to meet him at his quarters later that night. Keith in this world was apparently his adopted brother and a guard in training so he followed Shiro.

Hunk was an engineer at a local shop but was often called to the castle for routine maintenance along with a whole slew of other engineers. And today just so happens to be one of those days so he had to go do his job as well.

Pidge was a programmer. A combat simulation and weaponry programmer. Nothing good could come out of this. A smile grew on her face as she explained that she had to go. Lance shuddered slightly. After knowing Pidge for over a hundred years give or take he didn't want to know what she was thinking.

And that left Lance.

According to his loop memories, he was a tailor. A royal tailor. In fact, he apparently came from a long line of tailors. And his memories told him that the shipment of fabric he needed was arriving that day. Hence why he was out at the trade centre at that moment.

Of all the loops thus far this was, of course, the most interesting. It really did shake things up a bit. They all had no idea what was or might happen next and it both frightened and excited them. 

Lance arrived at the fabric shop. It was a small simple thing but it received and shipped fabric from all over the galaxy, this was just the store front. The real business was at their warehouse on the other side of the centre. Lance greeted the vendor cheerfully and paid for his items as they brought his shipment out from the storage.

“So what's the special occasion?” the vendor, Blaechleah, his brain supplies, was taller and darker than him. His long white hair was pulled into a braid which trailed down his back and his bangs dark complexion brought out the light purple markings on his face.

“Hm?” 

“You haven't worn that outfit since the Blue Paladin selections.” Blaechleah elaborated.

In all honesty, Lance was completely unaware of the significance of these clothes since it was just the first outfit he saw and grabbed it. That was before he gained his loop memories. Now that he thought about it, this world’s Lance wanted to be the Blue paladin very badly and when he was not chosen, he was devastated and had come to associate those feeling with these clothes.

Fortunately, the Lance in the driver's seat has over a hundred loops of experience as the Blue paladin, so he was good on sitting this one out, even if he did feel weird not being the Blue lion’s first choice anymore.

He shrugged. “Just felt like a change,” he eventually said as he took his fabric. 

When he arrived back at the castle the first thing he did was to head straight down to his workroom. He blinked as he took in the room. The ceiling was high. Very high. And the work tables were strewn with paper, clutter and fabric. There were some unfinished clothes on some mannequins and design ideas were scrawled on the holoboard on the walls.

At the workstations were two other Alteans (his assistants) already doing their work. They barely looked up to greet him, obviously concentrating very hard.

He did not even know that a room like this had existed in the castle before but his loop memories supplied everything he needed to know so he grabbed the dress laid out on his table and got to work.

* * *

Loop 155 (1)

Princess Allura could not believe her ears. “What do you mean you no longer wish to pilot Voltron?” she demanded.

“I'm sorry princess but I discussed it with the others and we decided that we’re too young to dedicate our lives to war,” Shiro explained apologetically, which only made Allura madder.

“This is your war too! Zarkon will stop at nothing until he rules the entire universe which includes Earth. Like it or not you have a stake in this war too.”

Shiro shared a look with the others. “I'm sorry princess but that is our decision,” he said firmly, “However we will be willing to stay and fight until you are able to find replacements.”

She looked like she wanted to say more but deflated.

“All right,” she said, “If that is your decision, I cannot force you to fight. Thank you for your work and effort thus far.”

“Thank you, princess,” Shiro nodded. 

“Is there really no way we can change your mind?” Coran asked sadly.

“I'm afraid not,” Shiro replied.

Allura took a shuddering breath and placed a hand on the back of a chair to steady herself. “Would you mind leaving the room please. I need to have time to talk with Coran,” she said to paladins.

Shiro nodded and left, the others trailing after him.

“I'm really sorry,” Hunk said before rushing to follow.

* * *

Loop 58 SLUT SHIRO (2)

The lounge was a place that the team liked to chill at. It was their living room of sorts. It was empty at first but many strange items began to slowly migrate into it, such as a bunch of Galra tech junk in one corner, a stack of video games, an assortment of knives and a few boxes of Kotex.

Currently, the paladins are amusing themselves by painting their nails like stereotypical girls at a slumber party.

“So...” Lance began, stretching out the ‘O’ like it was ten syllables long. “Who'd exactly did sleep with?” he asked.

The other three paladins shot him extremely dirty looks and looked like they were planning to murder him later in his sleep but Lance could also see the curiosity burning in their eyes. They were flashing him green stop signs.

“Some officials here and there in between missions,” Shiro replied, not even looking up from his nails as he applied a second coat of black nail polish on his index finger. What made him think that black nail polish was a good idea? Was he trying to out emo Keith?

“Like who?”  Lance prompted.

“Sendak,” Shiro said casually while blowing his on nails.

Keith choked on his own saliva and wheezed as he coughed, trying to catch his breath “What?!” he screamed.

“You mean _Sendak_ Sendak?!” Hunk gaped.

“The guy who almost killed us through multiple loops Sendak?!” Keith yelled.

“That Sendak?!” Lance added.

“Who what when where why how WHAT?!” Hunk screamed.

“Okay, okay time out time out!” Pidge yelled over them while holding her hands out in a T shape. She turned to Shiro with a serious expression. “Who topped?”

Shiro looks up from his nails and delicately raised his eyebrow.

“No fucking way,” Pidge gasped. 

Shiro smirked. “Way.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH”

In the kitchen, Allura could hear screaming echo down from the hallway. Her hand was clenched so tightly around her spork that she was crumpling it.

Coran placed a plate of food goo in front of her and replaced her spork. “Deep breaths,” he reminded her.

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (3)

The knock on the door announced the arrival of Lance’s next client. He quickly turned off his radio and looked up from the dress he was currently working on and... Oh. It was princess Allura. She looked younger than he had ever seen her. Physically she was exactly the same but she seemed younger somehow? His two assistants fell completely silent.

She entered the workroom looking thoroughly annoyed and uncomfortable. His loop memories supplied that she had gotten fed up with his attempts at wooing her and had very publicly rejected him, stating every single reason why she would never ever ever accept his courtship in excruciating detail. Wow this world’s Lance just couldn't catch a break could he?

“Hey Allura,” he greeted casually, catching Allura off guard. Not surprising since apparently he had been avoiding her and putting off her dress fitting for weeks now. “Your dress is over there, go ahead and try it on.” He pointed at the dress folded neatly on the countertop across him. “Let me know if anything needs to be altered.” And with that, he went back to the intricate beading on the dress in his hands.

Allura stayed rooted on the spot, her expression flickered between guilt and uncertainty. “Lance,” she began, “are you alright?”

“Never been better,” he answered truthfully. “Why?”

She was silent for a while. “Nothing,” she said eventually.

She grabbed her new dress and went off behind the changing screen to change. His female assistant, Ewara, followed to help her dress.

It was quiet except for the rustle of fabric, his second assistant Caelnis’ sewing machine and Lance’s humming a popular song that Keith wrote when they accidentally became a boy band loops ago. He tapped his foot to the imaginary beat and bobbed his head as he worked.

“Okay. I’m done,” Allura announced and came out from behind the changing screen.

She was wearing a long sleeved white dress with gold lace trimming the edges of her sleeves and hems of the skirt. On the bodice was more gold embroidery that vaguely resembles an abstract tree made out of triangles. Ewara stood next to her in case she needed anything.

Lance whistled, “Looking good as usual princess. How does it feel?”

She looked almost relieved when he complimented her. “It's good. Everything fits fine,” she said waving Ewara away.

“Great!” Lance mentally patted this world’s Lance on the back. “But wait, let me show you something.” He tapped the holographic buttons on the worktable and the lights dimmed.

And in the slight darkness lights began to glow on Allura’s dress, they were little pinpricks of light which made them look like stars in the distant sky.

“Oh my goodness,” Allura gasped.

She touched the lights to see if there were any beads or anything that made it glow. All she felt was smooth silk, it was nothing but fabric.

Lance flicked the lights back on. “Pretty neat huh?” he grinned,“I call it the starlight dress. Pretty sure this'll be the next biggest trend.”

Allura looked like she wanted to say something but decided at the last second to hold her tongue. “It's beautiful,” she said in the end.

“Thanks!” Lance said brightly and looked back to the dress he was working on.

He held it up and decided that this dark forest green dress was for Pidge. The skirt was so floofy that it could conceal so many pockets and hidden compartments and the sleeves had little openings in the hems to store paper or a small knife. She would probably love this, Lance mused.

Allura changed back to her usual dress. Ewara took the starlight dress from her and folded it neatly before placing it on her table to be ironed and sent to the princess’ room later.

Allura made no move to leave. The awkward air between them was stifling. Lance sighed and threw the dress onto the table. It seemed like he needed to be the adult in this situation.

“Princess, I know you want to say something so let's get this over with.”

That seemed to shock her out of her thoughts. “I-it's nothing. Thank you for the dress,” she stammered as she rushed out.

Lance huffed in amusement and turned his radio back on. It was really interesting to see Allura without the fate of the universe on her shoulders, even if she was being awkward because she thinks she had truly hurt this world’s Lance. Eh, she’ll get over it, Lance thought to himself.

“Okay, what was up with that?” Caelnis demanded, completely giving up the pretence of working.

“Yes Lance!” Ewara said, “Yesterday you were crying about how you'll never get look her in the eye again and now you're acting like nothing happened? What's going on?”

“And you didn't even try to flirt with her,” Caelnis added.

In all honesty, Lance’s crush on Allura faded by the second loop. Now he just flirted with her because it was fun to see her completely unamused by his antics. He was just treating her like his friend now. And yes that means he flirts with his friends too.

“I got over it,” Lance replied truthfully.

“I find that hard to believe,” Ewara narrowed her eyes. “What in the dark nebula are you planning Lance?”

“Let me guess, you have a fifty step plan to winning her back and the dress was the first step,” Caelnis accused.

“Yeah sure, whatever.” Lance rolled his eyes, going back to Pidge’s dress.

“We’ll figure out your plan sooner or later,” threatened Caelnis as he and Ewara also went back to work.

Lance rolled his eyes again and winced a little at the terrible music on the radio. He wondered if he could convince the others to record a few songs for him to play. It had been a while since the boy band loop after all.

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (4) 

“They are totally secretly dating,” a teenage Galra insisted while pointing at the screen.

“We are watching an illegal video of a Paladins of Voltron concert and all you care about is whether the red and blue paladins are dating?” her brother whisper yelled.

“No no I agree with Mindel,” another teenage Galra’s voice filtered through their headphones.

“Not you too,” he whined. 

“Hush now Thorak,” Mindel shushed brother. “Go on Hilya.”

“Just look at how they act around each other.” Hilya pointed as the video played. The tiny blue paladin hip bumped the red paladin and laughed while the other scowled, neither of them missing a beat.

“So they're friendly. So what?” Thorak said, completely unconvinced.

“And in every interview, they'd only look at each other throughout the entire thing,” Mindel added.

“We only have what? Three videos of their interviews? That's just a coincidence.” 

“But to do it three times? If it was once it could be forgotten but they did it three times! It has to mean something!” Mindel said.

“You have been reading too many interspace posts about this.” Thorak crossed his arms. “It’s messing with your brain.”

“You’re just in denial,” Hilya said and though she could not see it, Mindel nodded in agreement. “Klance is real and they’re in love.”

“Yeah sure, just enjoy the music.” 

The three of them sat in silence as the music flowed through their headphones. “I wish we could go to one of their concerts,” Mindel said sadly.

“And risk betraying the Empire? No thanks,” Hilya scoffed.

Mindel assumed she said it because she was a noble. Hilya’s larger ears proclaimed her as one of higher class and there was no way she would throw everything away, she had too much to lose. Not even for the Paladins of Voltron.

Mindel mumbled something.

“What was that?” Thorak lifted a side of his headphones off his ears.

“I said I wouldn't mind defecting,” Mindel in a voice what was just above a whisper. 

“What? Are you crazy?!” her friend and her brother hissed at her.

“Thorak, we’re just raised to be lowly soldier grunts in the warrior class. We have no way up and there is nothing for us here. What's stopping us from leaving?”

In fact, the only reason why they have even met Hilya let alone talk to her is because of their shared love for PoV’s music.

“Apart from the glaring fact that the entire universe at large hates our kind?”

“I'm sure that there are other Galra defectors out there.”

“No Mindel. Never speak of this again,” Thorak said with finality.

Mindel silently removed her headphones. “I'm not in the mood for this anymore. I'm going out for a walk.”

“Okay have fun,” Thorak said as she walked out of the room.

Mindel took in the uniformity of the building around her. Everyone in the same class as her and Thorak stayed in this district of the town. Everything looked the same and slowly, everyone started to sound the same. Mindel was afraid that she would slowly start to become like them as well.

Mindel sighed and looped around to walk back home. And just when she was about to reach her apartment building she froze. There were hundreds of soldiers swarming the place. She hid behind a wall and peeked out from behind. They were dragging her brother and her parents out. And she knew why.

Her brother looked up and had somehow managed to look straight at her. “Run.” He mouthed before he was shoved into a prisoner transporter. Mindel was never one for disobeying her brother so she turned tail and ran.

The next day had Mindel finding herself at a busy worker class market port. She had no idea what to do. Soldiers were still looking for her but she managed to evade them so far by blending in with the crowd but she knew she could not do this forever.  She hid in an alleyway between some garbage containers to rest her feet.

A hand landed on her shoulder and she reflexively turned and caught them in a choke hold. “Mindel! It's me!” The person choked and pulled their hat off to reveal large fluffy ears.

“Hilya?” Mindel gasped and immediately released her.

Hilya rubbed her throat. “Thanks,” she said hoarsely.

“What are you doing here?”

“Last night after you left, I noticed that there weren't any other people in the chatroom. Usually there would be at least one other person in it with us but there wasn't. And the signal was much too stable. Suspiciously so. So I quickly left the chat. They weren't able to trace me but I'm afraid...” she trailed off.

“What about my family?” Mindel asked desperately, though she was afraid of the answer she would hear.

“They're as good as dead. I'm sorry.”

Mindel began to tremble. “What am I going to do now?” she whispered, barely able to keep her tears in.

Hilya shoved a pack into her chest. “Get off planet and go someplace far far away,” she instructed, “My family has some cargo being shipped off from this port. Steal onto it and hide in the kitchens, look for a man named Soroak, he will take care of you.”

“How do you know I can trust him?” Mindel protested.

Hilya’s eyes darted back and forth as if to make sure that no one was around. “Because he has been smuggling defectors for a long while now. Even before Voltron.”

She paused for a second, “Defectors like my uncle.”

“I thought you said he was stationed some place on the other side of the universe!”

“No he defected. And no one knows where he is now. But before he left he told me that if I ever needed to get off planet I needed to find Soroak on one of our cargo ships.”

Hilya places a hand on Mindel’s shoulder and squeezed. “Look, you don't have much time just get down to the port and look an old cargo ship with horrible rusting. You can't miss it.”

She pulled her hat over her head and gave Mindel one last hug which she clung onto like a lifeline. “Good luck,” Hilya whispered before letting her go and disappearing into the crowd before she could thank her.

Mindel took a few minutes to let Hilya get as far away as possible before staggering onto her feet. She wadded through the crowd with a hardened look. She was going to leave and she was never coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 58: Lance and Keith made a bet on who could rack up the largest bounty and somehow the rest of the team got roped in. I just wanted to make a dumb joke about despite how nice and wholesome Shiro seems/is, he actually gets some. A lot. 
> 
> Loop 242: Lance is a tailor GEDDIT?!
> 
> Loop 155: just one of the loops where they choose not to pilot Voltron. 
> 
> Loop 101 (4): I'm sorry if you don't like OCs, it stated out as a silly little thing about outsiders discussing shipping and I thought, hey why not make them Galra! But then I thought, oh the Galra wouldn't do well to just stand there and let their citizens watch PoV concerts. And then that happened.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is becoming less of a time loop fic and more of a paladins dick around in alternate universes fic
> 
> Edit 17-2-17

Team Voltron’s review blog 

Entry 1

Hello, this is Pidge, the green paladin checking in. So the guys and I have been visiting all sorts of bathrooms, lavatories, toilets, whatever you call them, it's a place where you shit. There. I said it.

So anyway, the guys and I have been to a lot of planets and we’ve been to toilets from all over. It actually started when Lance and Keith started arguing over which toilet was worse, Planet PNF- 404 or Kopai.

Yeha their argument turned explosive, don't ask.

So we decided to use every toilet in the universe. Every. Single. One. Anyway, we decided to set up a review blog to keep track of all the toilets we've been to.

Disclaimer: this is a blog based on our opinions as humans and does not reflect the actual status and functionality of the toilets according to the locals. Just to make it clear.

* * *

Loop 263 (1)

When Hunk woke up in the Garrison cafeteria, as usual, he felt something was off. He lifted his face off the table and blinked blearily, trying to get the world into focus. He rubbed his neck, trying to figure out what was missing and felt his chest squish. More so than usual. Oooh. Tiddies.

Later on in the shack Pidge laughing her ass off at the three very uncomfortable boys. She was sorely tempted to roll on the ground but that wouldn't be very hygienic.

Keith wanted so badly to cross his arms but then he'd have to touch his boobies, and what a nightmare it would be, touching his own boobs. So he just had his hands shoved deep into his pockets looking extremely awkward.

Lance and Hunk were pointedly trying not to look down and looked like they were sucking lemons. “Of all the alternate realities they could've dumped up in it had to be this one.” Lance muttered under his breath.

Pidge took deep breaths and finally managed to calm herself, brushing imaginary tears from her eyes. “We are going to need more than forty boxes of Kotex this time.” She smirked when the boys paled.

“And what about you?” Keith asked.

“Nope, don't got no vagina,” Pidge replied smugly. “I always did wonder what jacking off was like for guys. “

“Dude, please. Shut up,” Lance hissed while covering Keith's ears, “There are innocents here.”

Keith shoved him away. “I had children in previous loops,” he scowled. 

“Adopted children don't count.” 

“They were not adopted,” Keith said immediately.

“Wait you actually made them?” Lance gasped.

“Yes, I did,” Keith said sounding beyond exasperated, “That's what I've been saying for years now!”

“What happened to the mother?!” 

“I've told you this before, eight times in fact, but you weren't listening! You never listen!”

“IN ANY CASE,” Hunk interrupted, “we need to take a trip into town again.”

Lance jumped up. “Yes, shopping trip!” He clapped his hands together. His loop memories supplied an image of this world’s Lance buying a pair of red lace panties to impress her now ex- boyfriend. Lance seized up, suddenly he wasn't so excited about the prospect of shopping anymore.

* * *

Team Voltron’s toilet review blog 

Entry 1 (cont.)

So the first bathroom we’re reviewing is going to have to be the ones in the Castle of Lions obviously.

[attached is an image of the castle’s toilet which is white and glows blue like everything else in the castle]

So by human standards, it is clean and functional. It doesn't smell and is generally an okay place to shit in.

The only problem was it was confusing to use since it looks nothing like a toilet on Earth.

[image of a toilet bowl next to an Altean toilet] 

It was super embarrassing to ask Coran how to use it. He went into a lot of detail. Don't ask.

Overall I rate it 4⁄5 green lions. -Pidge 

^^^ same -Hunk

Hunk, please avoid using shorthand and Internet lingo, you know how badly it translates to people without context. Also, the bathroom is fine. We don't really have a choice since we live here but it's fine. -Shiro

10/10 would shit in again -Lance

Good -Keith

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (5)

Pidge was in heaven. It was always a pain to decipher alien tech and info because she could never read it, especially when they were in Altean because they had at least ten different writing systems and differing vocabulary depending on context. Not only that but learning Altean was an excruciatingly painful process. Literally. But now that they were all Altean, reading was a breeze.

Her lab, well more like a glorified closet, was dim and her glow of the monitors were the only lights in the room at the time.

She was writing the last line of code into Rover 57469999.0 (yes she has made _that_ many Rovers) when light streamed in from the open door. The lights stabbed into her eyes and she let out an angry cat hiss. Lance came bouncing into her lab without a care in the world regardless.

“Pidge! I've got something for you!” he exclaimed.

She turned away from him and back to her screen. “Yeah what is it?”

Lance threw a paper package at her head which burst open with a sea of fabric, effectively covering her entire head.

“Hey, what's the big idea?!” she yelled while yanking it off but fell out of her chair as the fabric got caught in her pointy ears. 

“New dress. Enjoy,” Lance sniggered. “Also I'm holding a rave in the ballroom next Restday. You coming?”

“Yeah yeah sure,” Pidge waved him off.

He waved her goodbye as he walked out. Pidge had not noticed that he had packaged clothing tucked under his arms until then.

She huffed and turned the dress over. “Nice,” she said and then tossing it over her shoulder. Maybe she'll go try it on later.

\-----

Allura wasn't sure what to think about Lance and his band of friends anymore. She did not even know that they were friends with each other until this point.

Of course, she knew of Shiro, Pidge, Keith and Hunk. Emphasis on the words ‘ _of’._ She _knew of_ them. She had never actually spoken to them before. Of course, she'd seen them in the castle from time to time but they blurred together with all the other members of the staff in the castle. They were just any other workers in the intricate ecosystem that was the castle to her.

“SHIIRO! PIIIDGE! KEIIITH! HUUNK!” Lance screamed while sliding down the grand stairwell railing, practically a blur with the speed he was going. He flew off the railings and sailed through the air heading straight for the four.

They had a split second to react and as if they were one being, took one step away. A loud ‘THWAK!’ echoed through the grand hall as Lance smashed face first into the floor.

The four looked completely unconcerned when a pool of blood formed around Lance’s head. Allura and a few other witnesses rushed over in a panic but the four other Alteans brushed her off saying “he’ll be fine. Just gotta stick him in a healing pod for a few hours.”

Then they argued over whose turn it was to take him to the infirmary before making strange hand gestures like clenched fists, sticking two fingers out and open hands before one of them came to a decision.

The one in red groaned and swung Lance over his shoulders and carried him off with a fondly exasperated look on his face while the other three went on as if nothing happened.

If they hadn't made an impression before, they certainly have now

* * *

Loop 279 (1)

The Druids were getting completely and utterly frustrated by the new human gladiator. It was amusing at first, how he would babble whenever they had sessions with him but now it was just frustrating.

“Look, dude. You have got to tell your best friend how you feel about them. It's painful to watch you guys dance around each other like that,” the human said to the Druid on his left, looking completely unfazed that he was strapped down to a chair.

The Druid in question suddenly stiffened. The Druid standing opposite to him raised him a concerned look. “What is he talking about?”

“Nothing. He speaks nonsense.”

“ _Everything he has said has always been true, he even has information that he could not possibly have so tell me what is he talking about?_ ” The Druid switched from common to Galran so the Champion could not understand.

_“I-I I'm sorry Kalafan. The feelings I have for you is that of more than a friend. Please don't hate me.”_

Kalafan’s expression softened and went over to his side. _“Oh, Ramor I could never hate you,”_ Kalafan said affectionately and placed a hand on his cheek. Ramor held their hand to his face and they smiled.

Unbeknownst to them, Shiro could understand everything they had said. Team Voltron had been Galra in previous loops so now they understand and read the language perfectly.

The third Druid in the room threw his hands up in exasperation. _“Well, today’s session is a bust! If anyone needs me, I'll be stuffing my face in the cafeteria.”_ And with that, he stormed out of the room.

Ramor sighed with happiness and ordered the robot sentinels to take the Champion back to his cell.

Just before he was taken out he smiled at them and said, _“_ Congratulations, I'm happy for you.”

Later on, Ramor visited him in his cell. He asked Shiro how he knew he liked Kalafan. Shiro didn't tell him that in a previous loop he had known him and the majority of their acquaintance all Ramor could talk about was how wonderful Kalafan was so instead he told him that he was a therapist and as a therapist he just _knows things_.

“What is this _therapist_ thing you speak of?” 

“Wait, you Galras don't have therapists? No wonder you guys are so messed up.”

“No, we don't human.” 

“Alright, consider this your first therapy session. So tell me, what brings you here?”

After that, thousands of Galras from all over came to see Shiro. They would sit outside his cell and Shiro would counsel them about their problems. He was never taken out into the arena again as the commanders deemed him ‘too important’.

Some of his ‘patients’ felt that they were not very comfortable with him after a few sessions in so he referred them to either Sam or Matt Holt, who he assured them were “as capable and as professional as he was”.

After that, both of his ex-crewmembers were also spared from the arena though they did have a few Galra visitors whining about their problems from time to time it wasn't bad?

* * *

Loop 155 (2)

They eventually found replacements paladins. The keyword here being ‘eventually’. They still ran missions but in between those they’d stop by planets to hold auditions for the paladin positions.

Allura was glad that they were taking their time with the selections and that she would have more time to convince them to stay but they were steadfast.

She generally let them go through the possible candidates themselves with her overseeing the process but their choosing criteria were... unconventional to say the least.

Keith’s was by far the most understandable. It was simply to defeat him in combat in front of the Red lion. But then Keith was insanely good at hand to hand so even the biggest of his opponents were defeated by him. His chosen just barely managed to graze his hair before promptly having her ass handed to her. Keith held a hand to her and pulled her up. Red seemed impressed enough and let her into the cockpit so that was all that counted.

Lance staged a dance-off with the whole team plus Allura and Coran as the panel of judges. After five long days of watching dance after dance and arguing amongst themselves, they finally came to a decision. Finding a new pilot for the Blue Lion ironically took the longest of them all.

Hunk wanted them to defuse a bomb while cooking and the one with the most delicious meal and not get blown up gets the position. It was pure chaos, people were screaming and running about grabbing ingredients, pliers and wire cutters while crying.

All the while Hunk was screaming into their faces and critiquing the contestant's culinary skills. Yelling things like "THIS IS BLAND! START OVER!" And "WHAT IS THIS FLIMSY EXCUSE OF A DISH?!"

Allura has never imagined that Hunk of all people would act like this.

Many had given up and ran off as the timers ticked down but the ones that stayed were either suicidal or just really dumb. It was only when the timer ran out that the bombs were revealed to be not real. In any case, Hunk found their new yellow paladin.

Pidge just stared down each candidate until they looked away first. The person they ended up choosing as the new green paladin didn't even mean to audition, they just thought it was a staring competition.

The black paladin selections came last. First, the candidates needed to talk to the new paladins to see how they meshed together. Then they were put through an insanely complicated obstacle course designed and constructed by Pidge and Hunk.

Shiro himself was put through this obstacle and his completion time was the one to beat before they could proceed to the next round.

After that, Shiro interviewed the remaining contestants personally one by one.

It seemed like a reasonable selection until the interview with Shiro. For some reason, all the candidates would without fail, burst out of the interview room sobbing hysterically. Allura has no idea what in the world Shiro did to them and she was a little afraid to ask.

The only one who did not burst out of the room in a fit of tears was this one alien with marble white skin and obsidian black eyes, but even then he had to grip onto the door frame to stop himself from crying.

Shiro smiled at him and told him to come back tomorrow for a follow-up interview before inviting the next candidate in. The poor candidate looked like he was all but ready to collapse at the thought of a second interview.

The next day's interview ended much differently. They came out of the room together, Shiro with a wide smile and alien looking dazed but happy with a flush on his face. Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder and announced to the group that they had found their new black paladin.

Keith coughed what sounded like ‘coughmanwhorecough’ into his fist and Shiro flicked him in the ear.

* * *

Team Voltron’s review blog 

Planet: Carania

The toilets are clean and smell pretty good, the only complaint is that it turns out that Caranian poop smells like air freshener. It's not too bad if you try not to think about it too much.

I give it 3⁄5 green lions. -Pidge

Good -Keith 

Not good -Lance 

Don't mock me -Keith

Make me -Lance 

You, me, training room, now. -Keith 

Might wanna avoid the training room for a few hours -Hunk 

Get a room you two -Pidge 

We are getting a room, it's the training room -Keith 

Remember to clean up when you finish I don't want to see a mess when I come by -Shiro

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (5)

Another planet, another concert. In all honesty, you'd think the team would get used to it already but every time someone sends them an invitation play at their planets they cannot help but feel shocked that so many different kinds of aliens would enjoy their music.

This time, they were holding an autograph session. They were all seated on a long table covered with a white cloth.

Thousands upon thousands of aliens turned up. It was a little intimidating but seeing how some of the teens squirmed and blushed in their presence made them laugh and smile.

A poster of Voltron, the giant mecha, was placed in front of Keith.

“Hi,” the teenage girl(?) squeaked.

Her face was mostly covered by her hood but he could see a little bit of purple peeking out from underneath it. Keith didn't judge, some of the aliens were just really sensitive to light.

“Hi!” Keith greeted her, “So who am I signing this to?” 

“Um, Mindel.” 

“Ah Mindel, that's a nice name,” Keith smiled and signed the poster with a flourish.

“Ah-um,” Mindel stuttered wringing her hands together, “I just want to let you know that you guys are an inspiration to me and your music helped me through a really bad time. And that you guys really helped a lot of people who were suffering and-and-”

Keith caught hold of her hand. “Hey, as cringe worthy as Shiro is, he's right when he says that bad times are just times that are bad. And I'm glad that our music has helped you somehow.” His voice grew softer, “Just remember that what your people did doesn't reflect who you are as a person.”

Mindel froze up and let out a high pitched squeak.

“Hey, it's okay,” Keith reassured her and held out her poster. “Hope to see you at our concert again,” he said and his eyes flashed yellow.

Mindel’s hand flew to her mouth but she nodded and ran off with her poster.

Lance leant over to him, “What was up with that mullet boy?”

Keith leant over as well so their foreheads were almost touching. They stared at each other for a few seconds, not saying a word.

“Okay, what are you doing now?”

“Fuelling shippers.”

And sure enough, there were crowds of teenage aliens holding out their space equivalent of cameras snapping away.

“I hate you so much,” Lance said but didn't move. 

“Love you too,” Keith teased but was drowned out by hundreds of aliens collectively screaming.

* * *

Loop 263 GENDERBEND (2)

Having a vagina and boobs, Hunk has come to realise, had almost made no difference to the loop. They still needed to get to the lions, they still needed to fight Galra troops, they still needed to eat green food goo, as paladins, nothing has changed.

What had changed though is the need to wear bras and handle their periods. Apart from that, everything was the same.

Okay, Hunk was lying to himself. Things had changed. Nothing that pertained to their duty, of course, they still had their mission and their duty to the universe blah blah blah. He felt different and it wasn't a good different.

He stared at himself in the mirror. Somehow coming to this loop he was much more self-conscious about himself. He knew that it was because of his loop memories, this world’s Hunk was horribly ashamed of her body. He knew he shouldn't need to feel this way but yet he did.

Loop memories of his mother telling him to lose weight, that he gained weight, constantly reminding him to eat less, constantly comparing him to the stick thin Lance of this world. Of people teasing him, of people giving him judging looks as he shopped for clothes. It was all the

feelings he had before but amplified.

There was a knock on his door and Shiro came in.

“Hey, Hunk you didn't come for dinner,.” hHe said. Upon seeing Hunk’s expressionexpression, he asked, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah it's fine, just this world’s Hunk seemed to really hate her body. And I guess the feelings transferred?” hHe replied.

Shiro came in and sat on Hunk’s bed, patting the space next to him in invitation. “Come on.”

Hunk dutifully sat next to him, shoulders hunched and looking at anywhere but Shiro. “I know what you're gonna say. That I'm fine the way I am blah blah blah. I get it. But it's not me, it's the loop memories.”

“I was going to say that it's okay to feel insecure about your body sometimes but okay,” Shiro said,. “Everyone feels that sometimes and yeah it sucks but that's fine.” He absently touched his Galra arm which did not go unnoticed by Hunk.

“No no no no no no Shiro!” Hunk waved his arms frantically. “I'm fine! You're fine! We're both wonderful and amazing and-and... sStuff.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “Man, we’re almost older than Allura now and we’re still messed up about shit like this?”

Shiro barked a laugh. “Yeah, we're all fucked in the head.” He smiled and stood up, holding a hand out to Hunk. “You coming for dinner now?”

Hunk took his hand and was pulled up. “Yeah.”

* * *

Team Voltron’s review blog 

Planet: Galra

Lance, aka the blue paladin aka the best pilot here. So, we have recently had a brush with our favourite purple kitty cat bats. And we had the luxury of using their bathroom. (And by luxury I mean we defeated and contained the entire crew before exploring)

[blurry image of Keith pushing the camera away, in the background is the dark walls and purple glow that is signature of Galra design.]

So, the toilet itself is clean, no shit flung everywhere, no piss smell, no graffiti. All in all pretty clean. The only problem, they have litter boxes. Literal giant kitty litter boxes. I am not even joking.

[image of Lance pulling a duckface with a large box on the floor with a mound of sand in it in the background.]

I can't. I cannot. I can't breathe. OMG. Final rating: 9/10 would shit in again.

* * *

Loop 237 (1) 

Pidge was setting up a DVD player like device to their holo screen projector in the lounge.

“Pidge what are you doing?” Lance asked.

“Setting up cable,” Pidge said as she finished tightening a few screws and snapped the lid shut, “That should do it!”

“Wait, we can get TV signals from all the way here?”

“Even better, from all across different dimensions.”

“Woah! How'd you manage to figure that out?!”

“Remember that arcade planet we visited a while back? I met a dude named Rick and he told me how.”

“Cool! Wait lemme go get the others.” Lance leapt from the couch (“Parkour!”) to the intercom on the wall and yelled, “Dude! Guys! Pidge managed to set up interdimensional cable in the lounge!” into the speaker.

A few minutes later the rest of the team huddled on the couch with buckets full of the Altean equivalent of popcorn surrounding them. Pidge pressed a random channel on the remote and settled into Keith's side.

“From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe,” the deep rumbly voice announced. “Comes a legend. The legend of Voltron: Defender of The Universe!”

Lance did a spit take. “What the FUCK?!” 

“I guess in that universe Voltron is an old cartoon,” Hunk said.

The more they watched the more hysterical they became.

“OH MY GOD KEITH YOUR MULLET IS BIGGER!”

“SHUT UP YOU’VE GOT A MULLET TOO!”

“YEAH BUT I DRESS WAY MORE STYLISHLY THAN YOU DO WHY ARE YOU WEARING A FUCKIN JUMPSUIT?!”

“Oh my god why do I sound like a gremlin? Why?!"

“The accent sounds _terrible_. And why am I called Sven?”

“I'm okay with this,” Hunk said which everyone else ignored.

Allura and Coran came in demanding what was going on. “I heard something about an interdimensional ‘cable’?” Coran asked before catching sight of the cartoon on the screen.

“What is that?” Allura asked, sounding both fascinated and vaguely disturbed. 

“It's a cartoon from an alternate universe where Voltron is just a children’s cartoon show.”

“Is that girl supposed to be me?” Allura gasped and leapt over the couch to sit between Keith and Shiro.

“Sixteen years old? That's ridiculous!”

“Those uniforms look so unbearably tacky. Our people would never let our paladin's wear something like that,” Coran added in.

“Got a cheese sandwich? That doesn't even make any sense!”

“Why is Keith piloting the black lion?! He’s wearing RED!”

“Oh, so the only paladins in their correct lion is Pidge and Hunk. I see,” Allura said sarcastically.

At this point, the team was just keeping silent watching the two Alteans scream at the show.

“Why don't you just form Voltron immediately?! It's not like you need to synchronise with your teammates! It's literally at a push of a button!”

“Form flaming sword already! It's not that hard! Why don't you ever LEARN?!”

“Wait, did Sven just die” 

“No, he was placed in a healing pod and shipped off to another planet.” 

“But they're crying like the just died.”

“And now they need a new Blue lion pilot.”

“Oh, Allura you're going to pilot it!”

“Ugh, I still hate that uniform.”

“... This Lotor person is obviously evil.”

“YES! I can't believe I am saying this but LISTEN TO LANCE. HE HAS THE RIGHT IDEA ABOUT LOTOR.”

“And he's captured me. Great. This is just. Wonderful!”

“I have never in all my life been this insulted before. Never.”

“Can I smash the player? I'm going to smash the player. I WILL smash the player.” Allura got up but was quickly tackled by Hunk, Keith, Lance and Shiro and even then they were having a hard time holding her down.

Pidge jumped up and turned off the screen. “OOOOKAY!” she said loudly, “I think we need to take a break! Who wants dinner?”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what sparked the toilet reviews was, 'They are bored. Very. very. Very bored. They decide to use every single toilet in the universe. Every. Single. One.'
> 
> Loop 279: Shiro becomes a therapist. Because apparently space doesn't have them.
> 
> Loop 263: it always annoyed me whenever I read genderbend fics and the other characters immediately begin to refer to said genderbent character as the other gender as if their physical genitalia is what determines their gender
> 
> Loop 101: my sis and I always do the 'I hate you'/'I love you too' thing.
> 
> Loop 237: ha, Rick and Morty reference.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Goodness' cooking show! Today we have chapter 4! We'll need 10kg of shitposts, 10ml of attempted seriousness and a dash of a vanilla crack essence. Bake with the power of the sun and then finally, garnish with a lit cigarette. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this is like writing ten fics all at the same time. Next chapter should have more serious stuff (but I make no promises)
> 
> edit: 7/8/17

Loop 242 ALTEAN (6)

They were back in the dining hall giving each other updates on their day. Pidge was experimenting on Altean shapeshifting and was shifting through colours rapidly as if someone was sliding through the hue options back and forth in Photoshop. (Please assume that her skin is having a fuckin colour rave throughout the rest of the scene)

This time, there were some other Alteans milling about and having their meals. Some of them gave them strange looks and others whispered behind their hands. The team took no notice.

“So,” Shiro began seriously, “We need to address the elephant in the room. What are we going to do about Zarkon?” He said it like it was a statement and not a question.

The team stole glances at each other. “I was hoping you guys would have some ideas,” Lance admitted.

“Same,” Hunk said.

“I'm not sure if this is going to be an alternate universe where he’s not evil and all or that we’re just plopped on Altea before shit goes down. So I'm not even sure what _to_ do,” Pidge said while making the Gendou Ikari pose which didn't really have the same effect without her glasses on.

“Has anyone actually you know, _talked_ to Zarkon yet?” Keith asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

“Well, he's not exactly unapproachable now. He's the black paladin so anyone could just walk up to him right?” Keith went on.

Technically they could, there wasn't any laws or anything stopping them. Hell, the Blue Paladin (Belesprit his brain supplies) knew Shiro by name.

“Well if you want to talk to Zarkon there he is right now,” Lance pointed out.

Said alien had just entered the dining hall with a tray of his lunch. He looked much younger and less like a wrinkled prune. Those ten thousand years were not kind to him.

“That's a great idea, Lance,” Keith said. “HEY ZARKON! OVER HEEEERE!” He started waving and pointing at the empty seat at their table.

Everyone in the dining hall turned to look at him in horror.

Lance dived across the table and covered Keith’s mouth. “Keith I swear your impulsiveness if going to get us killed! I mean, it DID multiple times, but that's beside the point!”

But it was too late. Zarkon had walked over to their table.

“Hello, you're Keith, right? And this is your brother Shiro? Belesprit talks about you two sometimes,” Zarkon said and took the empty seat next to Shiro, “and who are your friends?”

“Ah, hey!” Shiro greeted him awkwardly, “Ah um this is my tea- I mean friends, yeah these are my friends, Hunk from engineering, Pidge from programming, Lance the tailor and Keith my brother butyoualreadyknowthat.”

They all called out “hello”s and “hey”s as their names were called.

“Hello nice to meet you too,” Zarkon politely greeted back.

“...”

“...”

"So..." Zarkon said, "Nice weather we're having."

"Yeah."

"Uh huh."

"Totally."

"..." Hunk and Shiro kept glancing back and forth from their food to Zarkon.

"..." Pidge kept her eyes firmly on her food.

Keith never took his eyes off him as he shoved food into his mouth. Lance looked anywhere but at him, and Zarkon was just really confused.

Finally, unable to take it any longer Zarkon said, “Should I go?”

“No no!” Shiro scrambled, “I'm sorry, it's just that we’re...”

“Nervous,” Keith added quickly.

“Yes! Nervous! Yes! Thank you, Keith.”

“You don't have to be,” Zarkon smiled, “I'm your black paladin and it is my duty to protect you. I can't have that the very people I try to protect are afraid to just speak to me.”

Somehow, Zarkon being nice and kind was worse than any torture the Galra put them through. It just sounded... _wrong._ Like, _bad touch_ wrong.

“Um. Thank you Zarkon.”

“Why don't you all come by and the paladins train sometime? We could show you some moves and get to know us better,” Zarkon offered.

“Thank you for the kind offer Zarkon,” Shiro said, “We’ll see if we can come by.”

“Great! I'll see you then!” Zarkon cheered and went off to put away his empty tray.

“...”

“I blame Keith.”

“Lance.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

* * *

 

Team Voltron’s review blog

Planet: kdshafgsadhjfksdjafh

No.

Hold in your shit if you have to. No. Just. NO. shitting your pants would give you a better experience than anything this planet can give you so NO. You can see if your yourselves if you want to (though I don't recommend it)

[this image was flagged for explicit content continue? (Yes/No)]

O% DO NOT RECOMMEND F U -Pidge

Pidge what did I say about short forms? -Shiro

Fuck you, you're not my dad -Pidge

GAAASP -Lance

How dare you -Hunk

You hurt his feelings -Keith

It's true. -Shiro

HE USED A FULL STOP YOU DEAD PIDGE -Lance

SCREAMING -Hunk

Read 9:15PM -Pidge

You know what, I give up. I'm not even going to dignify that with why it's going to translate so badly to our alien readers. -Shiro

* * *

Loop 263 GENDERBEND (3)

One of the first thing all of the guys did once they got to the castle was to cut off their long hair. They were in the castle ships bathroom where Pidge had set up a rudimentary hair salon.

“Really Keith? You really want your mullet back?” Lance asked incredulously as Pidge hacked away at Keith’s hair ridiculous waist length hair.

Seriously, what _was_ this world’s Keith thinking? Living in the desert with hair of that length is not practical.

“I like it,” Keith said defensively.

“So do I but don't you think it's time for a change?” Lance himself had decided to take a leaf out of Shiro’s book and try an undercut. Looking at him right now, he now looked like a lesbian butch.

“If it ain't broke,” Keith shrugged.

“Okay done!” Pidge announced and took the towel off Keith’s shoulders and brushed the stray hairs away. She put away her scissors and picked up a shaver. “Okay, Shiro! Your turn!” she called out.

Keith remained seated on the chat and stared at her electric shaver for a second too long.

“Oh no, I can see that you're getting ideas and that is never a good thing,” Pidge said, lifting the shaver further away from Keith.

“On second thought,” Keith trailed off at the end and stood up, easily plucking the shaver (“HEY!”) out of his shorter teammate’s hands and shaved a line straight through the middle of his black locks.

He continued to decimate his once luxurious mat of hair until there was nothing left. And the rest of the paladins were so shocked they did not do anything to stop him.

There was tense silence for a moment.

“Oh my god,” Pidge gasped and fell to her knees. She gently touched the fallen locks with tears in her eyes.

“Oh. Oh god,” Hunk turned away, his shoulders shaking with his violent sobs.

Lance buried his face in Shiro’s shoulder not able to take it. He was trembling like a newborn rabbit and Shiro placed a comforting hand on his head, looking straight ahead with eyes glazed over.

Keith stared at them with dismay. “You guys are unbelievable, you drama queens.”

And with that, he brushed the last of his hair off his shoulders and walked out to take a shower in his own quarters in all his bald glory.

Later on, a “HOLY QUIZNACK WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR!” was heard from the control room.

* * *

Loop 155 (3)

The five now ex-paladins were loading up the ship with their stuff. Pidge and Hunk were making last minutes checks of the controls in case Pidge accidentally turned the ship into a bomb again while the rest were putting boxes of Kotex into the cargo booth.

Allura and Coran were standing next to their ship looking very conflicted. “Are you sure you have to go?” Allura asked them one last time.

“Yes,” Shiro said patiently as he stacked the final box into the cargo booth. “Princess I'm sure you’ll be just fine. The new paladins are good _and_ can form Voltron now. There's nothing to worry about.”

Allura and Coran shared a look.

“Fine,” she sighed, “I wish you the best of luck on your journey.” She pulled out a communicator, not unlike the one she gave the Arusian king from her skirt and handed it to Shiro. “If you need any help, any at all you know how to reach us.”

Shiro nodded, respectfully accepting the communicator with both hands. “Thank you, princess. For everything you've done for us.”

“Of course,” Allura replied, “and thank you for all of your help so far.”

Hunk climbed down from the ship and hugged Coran. “Oh man, I'm gonna miss you!”

“Me too Hunk,” Coran said tearfully.

They broke away and the ex-paladins climbed into the ship. The two Alteans waved them goodbye as they took off, not stopping until their ship disappeared from view.

Suddenly, the hangar seemed bigger and emptier than before.

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (2)

Matt had no idea what was going on when a Galra soldier sat outside his cell for the first time. He was lying on his dingy little cot hugging himself as he tried not to freak the fuck out and have a full on panic attack or something when a knock came from the door.

The soldier cleared his throat awkwardly, “So um Matt Holt right? Shiro referred me to you?”

“Shiro?!” Matt jumped up at the name. “You know Shiro?”

“Yes. He said you were also a ‘therapist’?”

“Wha-”

Matt was no therapist, that much he knew. The most he ever did was comfort Katie when she failed a test or when she had a serious fight with her friends.

Oh, Katie, he missed his sister so much. He missed earth, he missed his family, he missed Shiro.

If Shiro was the one that told them that he was so this could all be a part of his plan, whatever that was. Matt could play along, he trusted him.

“Yes. I am,” Matt began slowly, racking his brains for something a therapist would say, “Um, what seems to be the problem?

\-----

“Have you ever considered mental health days?” Matt asked the Druid patient of the day.

Has it been weeks? Days? Months? Time was weird in space, only counted by the rhythmic marching of drones and the comings and goings of his ‘patients’.

“No? What is that?”

“It's a day where you just take a break and de-stress when you feel that work has been too much for you,” Matt explained, “Sometimes life is just too hard and you just gotta take a break y'know?”

“I don't know, Emperor Zarkon does not take people who skip work lightly.”

“Then just send an email or letter or however you people send messages, to your admin and file in for a vacation day.”

“We... do not have such thing.”

“Oh wow, the more I talk to you guys the more I feel that this Zarkon dude is a terrible boss.”

“Boss?”

“I mean, he _is_ paying you right?”

“We are paid in the pride that we are serving our empire.”

“So you are NOT being paid?!”

“If you say it that way then yes, we are not being paid.”

“Oh my God. You guys need WAY more than therapy,” Matt huffed. “Maybe it's time to get a new job. Clearly, this one isn't doing any good for your mental health.”

The Druid was silent for a moment before replying, “I shall consider it."

\-----

Emperor Zarkon stared incredulously at the crowd from his balcony. Thousands upon thousands of Galras were standing around holding up signs that reads “MORE PAY” and “VACATION DAYS”. And in the front was a small human wearing a prisoner’s outfit with glasses. He had his crossed arms and a grim, determined look on his face.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded.

Haggar stepped forward and said, “I believe they are holding a ‘strike’ my liege.”

“Explain.”

“They are refusing to work until their demands are heard.”

“Call the soldiers to suppress them.”

“They're on strike.”

“The drones then.”

“Offline because the technicians are on strike.”

“The Druids?”

“On strike too.”

“Is there anyone here that is _not_ on strike?”

“Me?”

Emperor Zarkon groaned.

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (7)

Allura had made an embarrassingly large tear in her skirt from running about too much. She had no idea what exactly she did wrong, one moment she was bending down to pick up a flower and the next a loud ‘RIIIIP!” was heard.

She blushed bright pink and immediately ran off to Lance’s sewing room. Lance took one look at her and burst out laughing.

As it turns out, she had outgrown her dress and required a new one. And I say outgrown with inverted commas. Luckily, Lance had an abundance of spare dresses lying about and loaned her one until he could make her a new one (she was adamantly clear that she was made a dress exactly the same as her old one.)

While Lance quickly and efficiently took her measurements, she wracked her brain for something to say. His two assistants were eerily silent and that made her nervous. Usually, they would be throwing her reassurances and insults at Lance while he made stupid jokes in hopes that she'd find him charming.

It was weird that Lance suddenly got over her. He did not go out of his way to try (and fail) to impress her anymore which was nice but it was strange. Like he matured overnight. ~~Which was attractive~~.

Okay maybe not _mature_ mature, she thought, remembering of the hours he spent healing in a cryopod after cracking his skull against the floor.

“So...” she began.

“Hm?”

“Have you noticed that Shiro and Zarkon have been spending an _awful_ lot of time with each other lately?”

Lance choked on air and coughed violently. “W-what are you trying to say?” he sputtered.

“I'm just trying to say that they have been getting a lot _closer_ don't you think?”

Lance looked slightly pale. “N-no.”

“It's true! Haven't you noticed that every time they're in a room together all Shiro ever looks at is Zarkon?”

“That probably doesn't mean anything.”

Lance didn't meet her eyes. Hmm, suspicious.

“ _And_ Zarkon offered to train with Shiro next Humpday,” Allura added.

“Shiro is a captain of the royal guard and Zarkon is the black paladin. It just makes sense for them to train together,” Lance defended.

“Well don't you think that they’d be a cute couple together?” Allura insisted.

“NO. NEVER. EW. NO,” Lance immediately screamed waving his arms about as if he could fight off the image.

Hmm Lance seemed extremely defensive, especially about Zarkon and Shiro being a couple. Coupled with the fact that he seemed to magically get over his ten-year-old crush on her overnight.

Oh. OOOOOOOOH.

Everything made sense now! Lance had a crush on Shiro! It was so obvious! How could she have not seen it before? The lack of flirting, how he suddenly seemed to hang around him more, his sudden maturity. It just made sense!

It was too bad that Shiro was obviously interested in Zarkon and vice versa. Lance always seemed to fall for the wrong people and Allura could not help but feel sorry for him.

“Hey, Lance?” Allura said gently and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It's okay.”

“What?” Lance replied, looking very pink in the face, “What are you talking about?”

“Your crush on Shiro of course!”

Lance made a ‘pfft’ sound and waved Allura’s hand away. “ _Everyone_ has a crush on Shiro. Even Keith, though he denies it.”

“What?!” Allura gasped.

Keith? As in Shiro’s adopted brother? Just what sort of relationship do they have?

“Well, it's kind of hard not to you know?” Lance went on, “Shiro is like, the best. He’s smart, funny, disgustingly handsome, I mean, have you _seen_ his winged eyeliner game? Ridiculous, those wings so sharp they could kill a man. And he's a _great_ leader. He's a total manwhore, don't tell him I told you that, but he’s always there for us y’know?”

“Right...” Allura said weakly, her mind racing at the implications.

“All right! Done!” Lance announced and tapped the final measurements into his holopad. “Your dress should be done by about next Nightday.” Lance nodded to himself as he scrolled through his fitting appointments on his holopad. “So is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Oh! Um, nothing thanks!” Allura said.

As she was about to leave the room she turned around and added, “But if there's anything you need to talk about, anything at all, you can talk to me okay?”

“Uh, sure princess,” Lance waved her goodbye and turned around to see his two assistants staring at him like he's grown an extra head.

“What?”

* * *

Loop 250 (1)

“So let me get this straight.” Lance said holding a finger up and then pointing it at Keith, “You are now Zarkon’s son.”

He pointed at Shiro, “You are Keith’s favoured commander.”

He pointed at Pidge, “You are a Druid.”

He pointed at Hunk, “You are a drone technician.”

He pointed at himself, “I'm a prison guard.”

And then he flung his arms out, gesturing to the whole group and accidentally smacking Keith in the face.

“And all of us are fucking furries.”

Keith moved Lance’s arm from his face. “Lance we literally saved the universe as furries before.”

“Yeah but now we are furries in the flesh and blood.”

“This is different.”

“Well yeah, you were half furry before now you're _full_ furry.”

“Right right, moving on,” Pidge interrupted him, “What are we going to do now?”

The five of them were holding a team meeting in Prince Keith's quarters. All of them still in their respective uniforms and all of them purple and fluffy.

“We could just play along and help take over the universe, we haven't really done that before,” Hunk suggested.

“Or we could defect and try saving the universe again,” Keith said.

“Or we could just bail and do whatever we want,” Lance said.

Shiro looked thoughtful for a second. “I'm not sure either. What do you think sounds interesting Pidge?”

“Hmm...” Pidge placed a thoughtful finger on her lip. “Ever wanted to get back at the Galra from the inside out?”

Shiro’s stunned look was replaced with a dark smile.

“I'm listening.”

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (7)

On the video sharing site named WeTube on the Interspace, there is a video titled ‘Top 5 reason why Klance is real’. If you were to click on the video it would play this:

“Hey, guys!” a perky blond alien with green skin and ten eyes said, “So this is a video about the top five reason why Keith, the Red paladin of Voltron, and Lance, the Blue paladin of Voltron, are actually totally in love. “

“For those of you who don't know the Paladins of Voltron, or PoV as the fans call it, is not only a super popular band but also the self-proclaimed defenders of the universe, liberating planets from the Galra.”

“So what fans have noticed recently is how close the Red and Blue paladins are compared to the rest of the team. And they have concluded that they are actually secretly dating! So let's get on with the list!”

“Number one: they are always seen standing next to each other.”

“Of all the spaces in the room they had to stand next to each other. Fans have spotted them multiple times just standing next to each other despite claiming to be ‘rivals’.”

Images of Keith and Lance appear on the screen, all of them standing next to each other despite being in a large group and all of them in different settings.

“Really boys? You're not fooling anyone.”

“Number two: Lance always has his eyes on Keith in this video.”

“Now team Voltron has occasionally posted videos of themselves just goofing around but in this particular video Lance has his eyes on Keith the entire time.”

They played several snippets of the video zoomed in on Lance’s face as he constantly just stared at Keith with a dopey smile.

“Number three: During an interview, Lance was asked to describe his best kiss which suspiciously resembles this picture that Keith posted of the Castle of Lions.”

The picture was of the viewing deck on the castle with an absolutely breathtaking view of a planet and the stars below. Over the picture audio of Lance's interview was played, “My best kiss? Hmm well, it could have been at the castle I think? I don't remember. But there was an amazing view of the stars from there and the atmosphere was kind of quiet and it was so cheesy and romantic so I thought ‘sure why not?’ And embraced the romantic vibes and kissed the person next to me.”

“Number four: their music video Manwhore.”

“So this song is about how attractive and popular Shiro, the black paladin is but during one verse it says ‘all the other men turn gay wherever he goes’ and see for yourself.”

The clip from the music video plays. Lance and Keith are sitting at an alien beach, obviously alien since the sea was red and there was a strange white giant woman lying in it. Lance and Keith were looking out into the sea looking very bored despite so many aliens playing and having fun around them.

Then Shiro walks past them in all his shirtless glory. Lance and Keith's eyes follow after him but as Shiro leaves the frame they turn to look back at each other.

“This implies that both of them are attracted to males, possible to each other? We sure hope so!”

“Number five: this forehead touch!”

A photo of Lance and Keith at a Voltron autograph session leaning so close their foreheads were touching.

“Now according to eyewitnesses, they said they heard Keith outright telling Lance that he loved him. Which we don't have any audio or video proof of but with about a hundred fans swearing up and down that they heard the same, it's possible that it might be true.”

“That's it for today's video hope you guys enjoyed it and I will see you in the next video buh- bye!”

* * *

Loop 250 GALRA (2)

Everything was complete chaos. Drones refused to fight and blasted this ‘Macarena’ song from their speakers as they did strange hand folds. Prisoners and gladiator slaves alike were released from their cells, if they haven't already escaped on stolen ships and escape pods they were rooting through the ships and streets shooting everything in sight. Their entire supply of quintessence from different plants suddenly turned into nuclear bombs and blew up at the same time. The crown prince announced that he was going to elope with a lowly prison guard and disappeared. Zarkon’s entire wardrobe was replaced with Hawaiian shirts and khaki pants and whenever he enters a room the song with the lyrics ‘here is the biggest douche in the universe, there is not bigger douche than he’ plays over the intercoms.

And over on a spaceship were five Galras wearing human clothing looking down at the spectacle as they ate popcorn.

All in all, a pretty good day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 242: Oh Allura.
> 
> Loop 263: Keith shaving his head was not where I thought my genderbend loop was going to go.
> 
> Loop 250: Yaaay finally we have our Galra loop!
> 
> Loop 155: aaaand the chicks have left the coop, I repeat, the chicks have left the coop
> 
> Loop 279: Matt is a badass
> 
> Loop 101: I saw a video about 12 reasons why Troye Sivan and Conner Franta are secretly dating and then this happened


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Shiro came to he saw doctors in hazmats peering down at him. “Oh fuck it's you assholes again.” He groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings in the notes at the end
> 
> edit: 7/8/17

Loop 243 (1)

When Shiro came to he saw doctors in hazmats peering down at him.

“Oh fuck it's you assholes again,” he groaned.

The doctor gave the other doctor in the room a look and said, “He's clearly delirious. Better put him under.”

“Yeah yeah you guys are gonna put me under. Blah blah.” Shiro rolled his eyes as one of the doctors prepared a syringe. “Do you guys ever stop to y'know, _listen?_ Maybe I have important world shattering information? Maybe I’ve been through a clearly traumatising event for the past year? Maybe you guys need to be less of an asshole and fucking _listen._ Aaaaaand I'm going under. Goodbye, you asshats.”

And with those last words he was knocked out. When he comes to for the second time, he wakes up to see four little children standing over him.

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty,” Hunk says cheerily.

Shiro blinks the bleariness away and rubs his eyes as he sits up. “Wha-?”

He turns and scans the four familiarly unfamiliar faces. He blinks. Rubs his eyes and looks again. And then blinks again. He is not seeing things.

Hunk, Lance and Keith looked smaller and chubbier but more or less the same. Pidge still had her long hair and was wearing a green blouse with pink shorts.

“Why are all of you small children?”

“Yeah, this is a loop where all of us except you are literally just twelve years old,” Keith said grumpily and blushed when his voice cracked a bit.

“Yeah and it was _not_ easy to drag you out of there. Seriously Shiro, have you considered losing weight?” Hunk joked.

Shiro looked stunned but then cracked into face splitting grin. He grabbed them all into a big bear hug, all of them fitting nicely in his arms. “Aaaw all of you are just so adorable!” he exclaimed.

“Stop it! I'm not a child!” Lance protested while everyone else whined childishly in agreement.

They struggled for a second before succumbing to the warm hug.

Pidge buried her face into Shiro’s neck. “My brother was still part of your crew here,” she said.

“Yeah, I know,” Shiro replied as his loop memories came to him, nosing her hair. “Must've been hard on this world’s Pidge huh.”

“Yeah, she cried all night when she heard from the TV,” she mumbled.

Shiro sighed as he reluctantly let go of the hug. “So what's the plan this time?” he asked them.

“There is no way I'm going back to my home,” Lance said weakly and rubbed his arm, “I stole our family’s car and flipped my mum over her head when she tried to stop me. I think I broke her arm.”

“Same here,” Hunk added, “Lance picked me up and I stole my parent’s credit card and bought us plane tickets here.”

“Keith and I didn't nearly have as much trouble,” Pidge said, “Well, not _nearly_ anyway. We live in the town near the Garrison so I snuck out when mum was out for work and broke Keith out of the orphanage. He was apparently stuck in a confinement room for ‘bad behaviour’,” she spat out the last bit like it left a bad taste in her mouth.

“Some douchebag tried to touch me so I broke his nose,” Keith explained coolly.

“Are you okay?” Shiro asked him and placed a hand on his shoulder, full of concern. He could not help but notice that Keith was so small that his entire hand engulfed his shoulder but Keith shrugged him off.

“I’m _fine_ Shiro,” Keith said, not looking at him in the eye, “Can we just get on with it?”

Shiro reluctantly lets the subject drop but resolving to talk to him about it later. “So we’re definitely not staying on earth then.”

“Nooooope,” Lance replied but threw a glance at Keith who was still sulking in a corner. It was night and the cold dessert draft was getting in. The shack was completely dark, empty and falling apart since this world’s Keith never set foot in it much less lived in it for a whole year.

“All right then. So we’re heading to Arus first thing in the morning,” Shiro clapped his hands, “any objections?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Okay! Off to bed all of you,” Shiro ordered and all of them shuffled to their sleeping bags with grumbled ‘okay’s.

Shiro leant back on the couch, which he realised is actually the same couch Keith always had in the shack. The four of them were cute kids and he did not mind being called their space dad. Shiro falls asleep wondering if there was a universe where the four of them were his actual biological kids. He snorted and quickly dismissed the thought.

Yeah right, like something that ridiculous was ever going to happen.

* * *

Loop 300 (1)

Shiro stared at the four babies lying on his bed in his one room apartment, each of them wrapped in different coloured cloth.

His loop memories came to him but his brain did not compute.“Holy shit.” He covered his mouth with his left hand, seeing that his right was just a stump. “I _actually_ their dad.”

* * *

Loop 20

It started out as a mission like every other. Get in, extract information, free prisoners then get out. Easy. But they got cocky, overconfident of their abilities, of their knowledge of the future and of their experience.

This is what got them here. Shiro, on the ground and bleeding to death.

Keith rushed to his side, his voice trembling only a tad bit as he said, “Hey, you're going to be fine.”

He carefully pulled Shiro up onto his back as not to jostle his wounds, trying desperately not to think about the liquid dripping onto the floor. “Hey guys I found him, he doesn't look too good,” He said into the com, hoping that he did not sound as scared as he felt.

He could feel the shallow puffs of breath against his ear as Shiro slurred, “Yeah. I'm gonna be fine don't you worry.”

“Of course, you are don't be stupid,” Keith snapped. Shiro felt heavier and heavier by the second and he feared that he wouldn't be able to even take a step but he pushed on.

Shiro hummed, “Did I ever tell you guys that I loved you? I love you guys. So, so much.”

Shiro felt his eyes well up as he said it. He did love his team, his family, he loved them so much it almost hurt.

“It's true,” he said and his voice trailed off, “It's true.”

“Don't say that right now,” Keith said hysterically, “You can tell us that later when we get to the ship.”

“Hmm, sure,” Shiro said deliriously, “Hey, Keith?”

“Yeah?” Keith said through grit teeth.

“If anything happens to me,” a pause as Shiro took a ragged breath, “I want you to lead Voltron.”

Keith’s breath hitched. “Shiro,” he said, unable to keep the tremor out of his voice now, “you and I both know that that is a bad idea.”

“...”

“Shiro?”

Silence. And then screaming.

* * *

Loop 21

Shiro coughed wetly, smiling at Keith as if he did not have a piece of metal sticking out of his abdomen.

“No no no no no no no no no not again,” Keith chanted as he tried and failed to pull the large beam out. It was useless, he was completely and firmly pinned to the ground.

“Well, this is it,” Shiro said laughed weakly, “Sorry I wasn't careful this time either.”

“NO. SHUT UP,” Keith snapped and stubbornly pulled the beam. Tears already flowing freely down his face.

“Keith!” Pidge yelled rounding the corner, “I got here as fast as I- oh fuck.”

“Heeeey Pidge,” Shiro hazily greeted her, “Don't worry about this, it doesn't hurt.”

Pigde ran up and joined Keith as they tried to pull the beam off. It did not work. Pidge knew a lost cause when she saw it. She collapsed next to Shiro, not caring if she was sitting in a pool of blood and held his hand. Keith, on the other hand, continued to pull as if it was _his_ life on the line.

Pidge placed a hand on Shiro’s cheek, unable to feel how cold it was through her flight suit.

“Hey, Keith?” Shiro mumbled.

“What?!” he snapped.

“Want you to lead Voltron.”

“This shit again?! You know that's a bad fucking idea.”

“Heh but you still gotta try.” His eyes felt so heavy. Maybe if he could just rest for a moment. Yeah, sleep felt like a good idea right now.

“Already did, it failed. BADLY,” Keith growled through his tears.

“He's gone, Keith,” Pidge said, her voice smaller than he has ever heard it.

* * *

Loop 25

“Keith I-”

“Want me to lead Voltron yeah yeah I know,” Keith said briskly as he ran down the castle’s halls with Shiro hanging limply from his back, blood splattering everywhere.

“That got old the second time you did it and I'm starting to think you're doing this on purpose.”

No reply.

“GOD DAMMIT!”

“Is it bad that I'm betting numb to this?” Hunk’s voice came from his intercom.

Loop 28

“Keith-”

“Not Keith. It's Lance,” Lance interrupted him as he dragged him down the Galra ships hallways.

“Tell Keith-”

“To lead Voltron. Yes, I know,” Lance said hurriedly. “Yo, guys I got him!” he said into his intercom.

“Real respect for a dying person,” Shiro said sarcastically.

“Not if I can help it,” Lance said and propped Shiro against a nearby wall.

He walked to the opposite wall, checked his scanners, nodded once and said into his communicator, “Hunk I'm at the extraction point, are you ready?”

“Yup I've got the portable healing pod ready too. You might want to stand back a bit,” Hunk replied.

Lance took three steps back and then another five and then two more for good measure before the head of the Yellow lion came bursting from the wall, stopping right at Lance’s nose.

The mouth opened to reveal Hunk. “Okay let's get him in here,” he said and helped Lance carry Shiro in.

Shiro did not die early in that loop thank quiznack.

* * *

Loop 155 (4)

Shiro was sitting in the captain’s seat with Keith and Lance in the pilot seats. Pidge was their navigator and Hunk as their engineer. The ship was silent for the entire ride until Pidge solemnly asked, “So where to now?”

“I was thinking we open a strip club. Shiro can be our stripper,” Lance suggested excitedly.

“Lance no,” Shiro said sternly.

“Lance yes,” Keith agreed.

“Maybe next time,” Pidge nodded, seriously considering the idea.

“Pidge,” Shiro admonished.

“No seriously Shiro, you have a great body, you definitely could pull it off,” Hunk said genuinely.

Shiro blushed and rubbed his right arm. “Thank you Hunk but I don't think we should do that right now.”

“So what _are_ we gonna do?” Lance asked.

Hunk hummed, frowning deeply as he thought before perking up and snapping his fingers. “I know!” he exclaimed, “Ever heard to roadside food trucks? We could turn this ship into a food ship!”

“That's actually not a bad idea,” Keith said.

“I'm up for it,” Pidge shrugged.

“I'm game if Shiro’s game,” Lance looked up at Shiro expectantly.

Shiro huffed a laugh. “Of course,” he said, “We'll need a list of all the things we need to start up our food ship business.”

“Way ahead of you,” Hunk said as he rapidly typed out the list on his holopad and the pilots set a course for the nearest trading hub.

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (8)

Shiro was going through the motions of combat training with his subordinates. They were a rowdy but good-hearted bunch, it kind of reminded him of his subordinates back when he was in the Garrison before he was abducted anyway.

Keith was training under another captain since they thought that having family members in the same squad wasn't very professional, adopted or not.

Shiro was pretty sure that Keith was skilled and experienced enough to be a captain himself but he kept that information to himself since people might find Keith's sudden spike in combat abilities suspicious.

Never mind that people had already found Lance’s sudden change of behaviour strange, they'd just chalk it up to Lance being Lance.

It was Nightday so it was literally night all day. Altea has an eight-day week and once a week it would be night for the whole 28 hours of the day.

Lance’s starlight dresses were really hitting it off with people walking around in the darkness showing off the tiny twinkling lights of their dresses. Shiro was pretty sure that Lance was planning a men's line soon. And he was also pretty sure that he has designs made exclusively for himself and the team.

“All right that's enough,” he said loudly and all the sparring Altean guards dropped their fighting stances, “Well done. That's it for today. Remember to patrol your section later and _no slacking off._ Dismissed.”

His subordinates moaned and groaned as they left the training grounds when Pidge came by, flouncing in in the new dress Lance made her, which had the fluffiest skirt he has ever seen.

“Yo Shiro,” Pidge greeted him with her holopad in hand, “I was wondering...”

“That's a dangerous thing if I've ever heard one.”

“Shut up.” She smacked him in the arm. “I was wondering if you'd accompany me to town. There's a weird art gallery I wanna check out.” She put her holopad into her skirt and it disappeared, as if it was absorbed into it. Shiro wondered what else is being stored in there.

“Sure. I have nothing better to do. What about the others?” Shiro asked as they walked out together.

“Lance is fitting Hunk in his latest fashion experiment and Keith is.... actually, I have no idea where Keith is.”

“He’ll turn up eventually,” Shiro assured her as if Keith was her lost keys or a puppy.

They bumped into Allura outside of the room. “Shiro and Pidge! Hey!” Allura exclaimed awkwardly.

“Hey, princess,” Pidge said, “Shiro and I are gonna go into town wanna join us?”

“Going into town to do what?”

“Just to look at some art gallery. Nothing much,” Pidge shrugged. “Oh hey, you could ask Coran to come with us!”

“Coran? He's my father’s advisor and very busy, I can't possibly call him for a trivial matter like this.”

Pidge and Shiro looked at each other then back at Allura. Were Coran and Allura not close before the war?

“Right new plan,” Pidge said and grabbed one of Allura’s arm while Shiro grabbed the other, “We're going to take you and Coran out into town for some uncle-niece bonding time.”

“Coran is not my uncleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-” the last bit turned into a screech as Pidge and Shiro raced down the halls so fast they were dragging her through the air.

\-----

Coran was in the study looking through some diagnostics on the castle in the study, when Allura and two other Alteans came bursting through the doors, Allura looking as though she went through a wind tunnel on the Kraknarian sect and the other two looking entirely unruffled.

“Allura? Is something the matter?” he asked.

The two Alteans he didn't know stared at him in shock. “Oh shit,” the smaller Altean with green markings gaped, “He's hot.”

The taller one with purple markings wearing what he realised was the guard captain’s uniform blurted out, “Coran please never grow a moustache.”

“Um, Allura who are these... fine people?” he asked, completely confused.

“I'm so sorry Coran-” Allura began but was cut off by Pidge.

“Hey, Coran! You don't know me but I'm Pidge and we, Shiro and I that is, decided to take you and Allura out into town for some uncle-niece bonding you free?” Pidge said very fast.

“Technically I am-” he began but was also cut off by the small one, Pidge, yelling, “Great! Let's go!”

And the two strangers dragging both him and Allura away.

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (8)

On the beach of planet IM-pact-3, the paladins were filming the music video for their new song Manwhore. It was written by Lance and Keith, performed by Hunk and remixed by Pidge. Shiro was just the subject of the video and the entire inspiration of the song.

“I sleep around _one time,”_ Shiro grumbled as the alien makeup artists with four arms touched up his blush, styled his hair and gave him a back rub at the same time.

“Buddy, chum, pal, compadre, friend, buddy, chum, chum,” Lance interrupted, “It was more than once.”

“That's true!” They heard Pidge’s distant yell from where she was with the camera crew.

‘Man was it just me or does she have super-hearing?’ Lance thought to himself, ‘Better be careful when I talk shit about her.’

“I can hear you thinking Lance!” Pidge yelled and Lance let out a ‘MEEP!’ sound. “Stop it, whatever it is it can't be any good.”

Lance grimaced but kept the thought that Pidge was secretly a demon to himself.

“Doesn't mean you have to write a song about it,” Shiro pouted, obviously not paying attention to Pidge.

Lance laughed and dropped himself on the ground next to Shiro’s chair. “C’mon, it's all in good fun. Plus, we just wanted to write a song about how stupidly attractive you are.” Lance grabbed a handful of pure white sand and let it trickle slowly from between his fingers.

“I'm not that hot,” Shiro said bashfully.

“Yes, you are.”

“He's right,” yelled Pidge.

Their holopad dinged as they received messages.

Keith: yeah you kind of are

Hunk: it's true

What, did everyone suddenly develop super-hearing except for Lance?

Shiro smiled fondly at him and ruffled his hair. “Thanks,” he said.

The two of them stared out into the blood red ocean and at the giant marble white person just lying in it. Lance was pretty sure she (he? It?) was larger than twenty Voltrons combined. It was creepy with its eyes open and unseeing, and its slight smile on its face and not to mention that it just was not moving. Like, at all.

“What _is_ that anyway?” Lance asked the multitasking alien.

“A dead God,” they answered plainly.

“.......Right.”

“OKAY GUYS BREAKS OVER GET YOUR ASSES BACK OVER HERE!” Pidge yelled at them and at Hunk and Keith (wherever they were) through her microphone.

Princess Allura and Coran however were spared and were relaxing and sipping iced tea under a large umbrella. Coran in the dark blue khakis that Lance loaned him and Allura looking especially flawless in her white bikini top and long flowing sunny yellow ankle length skirt. Those were not anyone's clothes, it was her own.

The alien took one last look at Shiro before giving him their approval. “Good enough,” they said and sent the two on their way.

* * *

Loop 263 GENDERBEND (4)

The paladins were hanging around in the lounge again. Shiro was touching up his winged eyeliner (“Hey, game this strong don't make itself.”), Pidge was playing a video game on her laptop but was kept being distracted by Hunk who was watching anime on the holoscreen.

Keith was sitting on the couch with Lance behind it rubbing his head. He ran his hands over Keith's head again, enjoying the bristling feeling on his palms.

“Can you stop that?” Keith said irritably as he flipped to the next page of his book.

“But it feels so good!” Lance whined.

“You can touch your own undercut. Or Shiro’s for that matter,” Keith growled but made no move to get rid of him.

“Touching yours is more fun,”Keith's expression flattened into an unamused expression but let Lance continue his rubbing.

Allura came storming into the lounge, ready to give her paladins a verbal beat down for not training but stopped in her tracks. “Keith you're bleeding!” she gasped, “are you hurt?”

Keith froze up. Oh shit.Oh shit. Oh, fuck.

“Mother f-” Keith swore and jumped up, sure enough. Bright red stains.“I don't fuckin believe it.” Keith exclaimed as Lance fell over laughing.

“It looks like keithy boi is gonna suffer first,” Lance teased and Keith took a swipe at his head.

“Lance...”the princess said, “You're bleeding as well.”

Lance too froze as Keith pointed at him with a satisfied “HA!”

Now it was Pidge’s turn to fall over laughing. “Instant karma man.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “Classic!” But she put them out of their misery and fisher out pads from one of the many boxes of Kotex stacked high up until the ceiling.

“Here,” she threw them the pads, “You know what to do with them.”

Both of them caught it with ease but looked like they just ate sour grapes and held the pad like it was a bomb.

“I do,” Lance said, “but I wish I didn't.”

“Same,” Keith agreed.

“I don't understand,” Allura said, looking completely lost, “What's going on?”

* * *

Loop 250 GALRA (3)

The team finished up their popcorn and gathered up all their rubbish. “That was strangely therapeutic,” Hunk said as he crumpled up his paper bag and threw into the black garbage bag.

“Agreed,” Shiro said, “Best idea you ever had Pidge.”

Pidge shrugged. “It was nothing,” she said, “We going to wake up the princess now?”

The ship they were sitting on is not just any ship, but the Red lion. They, ahem ahem, borrowed her without any intentions of returning her from the Galra as they left.

Keith sucked the last bit of caramel off his fingers and then wiped them on his pants before standing up. “Yeah, might as well,” he said, “while they're too distracted to give chase.”

“Whatever you say, darling,” Lance said.

“I want a divorce,” Keith deadpanned as they all climbed into red. Red is smaller than Blue so it was a little more cramped.

Pidge touched her fluffy ears. “I wonder what Galras look without their fur.”

“Not in Red.” Keith warned.

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (9)

Allura had no idea how in the world she got into this situation. She was in her starlight dress in front of a large art gallery with a small pistol strapped to her thigh.

The art gallery was a little more run down and rudimentary compared to the castle but it seemed homey nonetheless.

“Okay, Allura I need you act natural and walk in,” Shiro’s voice said into her ear through her earing intercom.

“I thought we were just going to look at art,” she hissed as she walked into the gallery and smiled weakly at the staff who scrambled to greet her.

“We are, just not for the reasons most people do,” Pidge said, “Coran, are you in position?”

“Yes, I am,” resounded in her ears.

“Okay good. Princess, I need you to cause a big enough distraction and then get into the backroom. Coran’ll get in from the door in the back alleyway and meet you inside.”

“I've hacked their security cameras so I can see everything, Shiro is out here as backup in case things get nasty. Don't worry, I'll make sure it won't come to that,” Pidge reassured as she pressed a key on her laptop and it displayed where the two of them were.

Allura was being pestered by a curator inside the main exhibition room and Coran was crouching next to the back alleyway door with an unconscious person behind him.

“You don't need to explain it again you've already told us,” Allura hissed.

“Yeah but the audience doesn't know that.”

“Pidge. Don't break that,” Shiro scolded.

“What?”

“The fourth wall.”

“Oooooooh sorry.”

“What in the world are they talking about?” Allura asked.

“I don't know,” Coran said throwing a backwards glance at the large alien he had knocked out before entering the premises, “but a normal art gallery wouldn't need to have hired thugs guarding their back entrance.”

The hallway was dimly lit and dirty, boxes of wires and art junk cluttering the hallway.

“I already told you, we suspect that the art gallery is just a front for drug trafficking and illegal weapon dealings,” Pidge said.

“Well, that was before, when I thought you two were just crazy,” he said, “Okay, I'm in. What do I have to do?”

“Alright. Go down the hallway and turn left, you should see a door with a keypad lock. Stick the drive I gave you into it. I'll be able to remotely hack it from here.”

“What's inside?” Coran asked as he followed Pidge’s instructions.

“It's the main office,” Shiro replies while Pidge was busy, “We suspect that that is where they're keeping all the drugs and weapons.”

“And now exactly do you know all this?” Coran asked while watching the numbers on the display of the keypad go through several sequences before unlocking with a hiss.

“Okay I'm done, go on in,” Pidge announced.

“We've been observing this place for a few days now,” was all Shiro gave in explanation.

The office looked just like any other, table, chairs, cabinets, suspicious wrinkle under the carpet. Coran was not stupid so he immediately threw off the carpet to reveal absolutely nothing.

Coran scratched his nose. He was so sure...

“There aren't any cameras in there so could you take a few photos on the camera I gave you. The pictures should automatically be sent to my laptop,” Pidge instructed as she flipped through the different cameras to see if there were anyone coming down the hall. So far nothing.

Coran snapped a few pictures but then noticed that the wallpaper behind the desk was uneven. He pulled his knife out and began cutting. Sure enough, there was a secret compartment behind it. He pulled out a few boxes and pried them open with his knife, sure enough, there were guns inside them.

“I found the weapons,” he announced and snapped a picture to be sent to Pidge.

Allura tried to focus and listen to what Pidge was saying while looking like she was interested in what the curator was saying. “Your Highness, may I interest you in purchasing one of our fine pieces today?”

“Oh um, no that's okay. I'll just go around and have a look first if that's okay with you?” she said and quickly walked away from him.

The gallery itself was well lit and spacious. In the centre of the room was a large statue of a juniberry flower made out of a blue crystal on a pedestal.

“It's beautiful,” she whispered and read the card underneath it, “Made out of Ignarikan ice crystals.”

“What?!” Coran yelled, “Princess that's an incredibly dangerous crystal! Don't touch it! Ignarikan crystals cause everything around it to freeze when broken!”

Pidge spotted movement on the cameras. “Coran get out there's someone coming your way,” she warned.

Coran did as he was told but it was too late and he was spotted, he did not stick around for long as he raced down the hallway.

“You there!” the alien shouted and gave chase.

The badge on the curato's vest lit up and he looked up in shock and irritation. “Excuse me for a moment, your highness,” he apologised, "There is a little bit of a storage crisis at the back." he explained heading for the back room.

Thinking fast, Allura whipped her pistol out and aimed it at the crystal.

“Don't move."

\-----

“Allura! What happened?!” cried King Alfor as ran up to them looking regally frazzled. If there was anyone who could look regal and frazzled at the same time, it was King Alfor.

Allura rested her forehead on Coran’s shoulder as he supported her, the Ignarikan ice spearing through the building glittered in the moonlight. “It’s a long story,” she said a weak laugh.

Behind them stood Pidge and Shiro as the observed the scene. Pidge held a fist out to him. “I'd say that this uncle-niece bonding was a rousing success.”

Shiro fist bumped her and said, “Yeah, me too.” But then his voice turned serious. “Did you get a look look at the weapons?”

“Yes,” she replied, looking at the picture on her holopad, “It's not of Galra make if that's what you're wondering.”

“Damn. I actually thought we were getting somewhere,” Shiro cursed.

“It's fine,” Pidge reassured him, “Just keep an eye on Zarkon, for now.”

“Right.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH AND BRIEF MENTIONS OF MOLESTATION 
> 
> Wow this chapter seems really Shiro centric. I was probably in a really Shiro mood when I wrote this. 
> 
> You wanted death so I give you death but that doesn't mean I had to take it seriously XD  
> I made myself sad when Shiro told Keith that he loved them but then i got over it. 
> 
> Loop 243: the person who tried to touch Keith was a security guard at the orphanage btw
> 
> Loop 300: more back story in the next part ;-P this loop wasn't even planned, I literally just added that in as a joke
> 
> Loop 155: this loop was always meant to be a loop where they set up a diner and run a successful business but Kamary suggested a weird road trip and it was such a good idea I couldn't resist so I meshed it together and it became a food truck loop. 
> 
> Loop 242: I was supposed to explore the new weird relationship the team now has with their lions but got side tracked by space uncle and art oops. And then a little bit of plot crept in. 
> 
> Loop 101: heh evangelion references. 
> 
> Loop 250: how the fuck do I top the shit they pulled in part 1
> 
> Loop 263: it's hard to write genderbend in space cuz nothing changes except that they have boobs and a vagina. The aliens can't really treat them differently cuz they're not aware of our gender roles. Now if it's a genderbend on Earth, that's a different story.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempts at serious drama flops. Anyways! If you want to read a fic where someone from team Voltron goes to an alternate universe that actually takes itself seriously and takes the time to build up the drama and explore feelings, I recommend [Crossroads](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7524547/chapters/17103421) and [See You on the Other Side](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7276891/chapters/16524292)
> 
> Sorry this took so long, I had a workshop and this chapter gave me some trouble. I'm not so happy with how this turned out so maybe I'll come back to edit it someday.

Loop 44 

The last thing Keith saw before dying was everyone’s horrified faces. Everything happening in slow motion, Shiro turning around in horror, Hunk’s eyes widening in shock and Lance reaching out to catch him as his eyes slowly closed. 

When he opened his eyes next he found himself looking at a fully plastered, not water stained and definitely not dusty, grey ceiling. He squinted and rubbed his eye before sitting up. 

He was in his old Garrison room. He turned to his bedside and hazily grabbed for his phone. He quickly unlocked it and checked the date, and then immediately sobered up. He threw his blanket off him and quickly got dressed in the first thing he grabbed, which so happened to be his old uniform. 

This was the first time he died so early into their misadventure, most of the time everyone died of old age and then he'd wake up in his shack. According to Shiro, who dies early way too many fucking times to count, when you die years earlier than everyone else, you wake up earlier in the loop too. 

And sure enough, he was in the Garrison instead of the shack. He raced down almost empty hallways to an all too familiar door. He pounded his fist on it until it opened. 

It was Shiro, looking much younger and much leaner wearing a plain white tee and black boxers. “Keith!” he said looking surprised, “Wow you're up early! You usually don't wake up until noon on weekends.” 

The first thing out of his mouth wasn't how he died but just to be sure he asked, “Shiro, does the name ‘Voltron’ mean anything to you?” 

“No? Why? Is it this season’s new anime I should be watching?” Shiro said jokingly. 

Keith's heart sank. “No. It's nothing.” 

“Oh, and by the way, I can't eat lunch with you today because we have one last briefing before our mission.” 

“The Kerberos mission!” Keith exclaimed he grabbed the front of Shiro’s shirt, “Shiro you can't go on that mission!” 

Shiro gently pried his hands off him. “And why not?” he asked indulgently. 

“Because you will get abducted by aliens and then get put through unspeakable tortures by them for a whole year before you escape and crash land back on Earth where we find a magic blue space lion which is also an alien warship and then get sucked into a ten-thousand-year-old intergalactic war,” Keith said bluntly. 

“Riiiight,” Shiro said incredulously and patted Keith on the head, “You really should stop watching those animes and conspiracy documentaries, they're starting to get to your head.” 

“I'm serious Shiro!”

“Hello, serious Shiro. I'm dad,” Shiro said.

“AUGH! No!” Keith pulled his hair in frustration as Shiro laughed. 

\----

Shiro was not sure what was up with Keith today. He was following him like a lost puppy as usual but he was a lot more... vocal this time. Usually he would quietly be in the background and Shiro had to be the one urging him to try to talk to people but today Keith was surprisingly talkative. 

“Don’t go on that mission’,” Keith kept repeating like a broken record. 

He even tried to convince the different people they met along the way that the mission was a bad idea and that they should suspend it permanently. 

“Shiro you shouldn’t be eating that much sugar early in the morning,” Keith snatched his KitKat bar away and stuffing it in his mouth in three bites, “Just like you shouldn’t be going on the Kerberos mission,” he said with his mouth full. 

“Right. Right,” Shiro said absently, quietly mourning his KitKat. 

They were in the cafeteria eating their breakfast but then Keith suddenly stood up, looking at someone on the other side of the room. 

“Who’re you looking at?” he asked and leaned back to get a better look. The person he was looking at was a tiny little girl wearing the cadet uniform like everyone else and had long brown hair with a very very familiar face. “Katie? Matt’s sister?” 

“I need to go talk to her,” Keith said and started stalking over. 

Keith never approaches anyone, never, and while Shiro was glad that he starting to finally come out of his shell, this sudden change was a little alarming. 

“Why?” but Keith was already gone. Man, he's one fast bugger. 

Molly was having another typical Sunday morning at the cafeteria eating breakfast and chatting with her girl friends when the mysterious top student scholarship boy, Keith started walking their way. 

The thing about Keith is that he does not talk to anyone except for the TA Shiro. Not much is known about him but a lot of girls thinks that he is way cool and super hot, if you were into the whole quiet broody shy types of course, not that Molly was one of them, she was so above that. So above those high cheekbones, skin like alabaster, and deep storm grey(?) eyes that held so much unspoken pain just waiting to be told to someone who would just lend a listening ear. 

“Oh my god,  _ the  _ Keith Song is coming this way,” her friend Bethany whisper shouted and grabbed Molly’s arm. Her heart pitter-pattered in chest and nervousness oozed from her pores. 

Keith stood tall and regal. His dark obsidian hair shone under the fluorescent light (it was greasy af) and made his pale skin stand out and his equally dark eyes to shine. His uniform hugged his form like a glove showing off his toned body (it's baggy af because it used to belong to Shiro). 

“Okay Beth, chill,” Molly jittered.

“Who’s Keith?” Katie asked as she shoved her ham sandwich into her mouth. 

Bethany and Molly froze up and kind of squealed(?) both of them clutching each other's hands. 

“He's right behind me isn't he,” Katie deadpanned and then turned around. Sure enough, the ‘mysterious, dark and handsome’ guy was right behind her. 

“Pidge I need to talk to you,” he said. 

Katie looked to her left, then to her right. Everyone was just eating, not even paying attention to them. 

“Who me?” she asked, pointing to herself, “I think you got the wrong person dude, my name isn't Pidge.” 

Keith looked like he just remembered something and then smacked his forehead. “Right! Sorry. Katie, I need to talk to you.” He paused and then looked behind her to Bethany and Molly whose eyes seemed to glimmer and ears seemed to grow ten times larger, “Preferably without an audience.” 

“Right then,” Katie said, side-eyeing the girls and stood up, dusting the crumbs off her pants, “Let's get out of here.” And then the two of them left together. 

Obviously, Bethany and Molly followed them. They obviously could not let her friend face this on her own! Who knew what Keith wanted with her? Katie was a nice, shy and introverted girl, the epitome of a delicate flower petal, any guy would take advantage of that. 

The two ended up behind the astronomy block. “Okay, what the fuck do you want?” Katie demanded with her arms crossed. Her expression was completely flat, obviously hiding her discomfort of being alone with a guy. 

“You can't let your brother and father go on the Kerberos mission,” Keith answered bluntly. 

The morning sunlight filtered through the treetops (Garrison is surrounded by deserts, there is like, one weed and if you're lucky, a cactus) and casted a warm glow (it was scorching hot and the sun was blinding) around him, making him look like a sun god (he looked like he literally just rolled out of bed and hasn't showered in a week).

“Okay, back the fuck up,” Katie said, “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Pidge- I mean, Katie. There is something terrible that's going to happen to the crew of they go on the Kerberos mission. You can't let them go.” 

“What are you even talking about?” Katie asked, her neatly trimmed eyebrows furrowed delicately as she looked deeply conflicted about the issue, “That's it, I'm leaving.” 

“I'm serious Pidge!” Keith exclaimed, desperately grabbing her arm as she tried to leave. His eyes filled with fear and unshed tears. “You can't let them go on that mission!” 

“Let go of me and why do you keep calling me Pidge you weirdo?!” Katie yanked her arm away, slowly moving backwards. 

“Look Pidge, I'm sorry-” Keith began and tried to approach her but Katie grabbed his outstretched arm, catching him completely off guard and twisted it into an arm lock and flipped him over her head. 

“Don't talk to me ever again,” she warned him as she backed away, her hard gaze never leaving him. 

She stomped around the corner, completely bypassing Bethany and Molly who were standing there the entire time. She seemed to have not noticed them (she did). 

“Sometimes I forget how strong Pidge is,” Keith coughed from the ground. 

Molly heaved a sigh. “What did you think that was all about?” she asked. 

“Dunno,” Bethany mumbled, admitting that, for once she didn't have an answer. 

\----

After the tragic news about the crew of the Kerberos mission going missing, Keith, Lance’s long- time rival, kind of went awol. Sure he was acting weird leading up to the mission, he had even locked Takashi Shirogane in a broom closet for four hours. Who does that? Keith that's who. 

Lance had no idea what to feel about his current situation. 

Keith Song was sleeping on his bed. His long-term rival, star pilot, and basic all around douchebag, the Keith Song was sleeping. On his bed. As in the bed Lance sleeps in every night. As in the one he desperately wants to use right now. As in the one that Keith is drooling on right now. As in the ones that Keith’s BO is getting all over right now. That bed. 

How did he get into his room in the first place the doors are access card protected! 

“What the fuuuuuuuck,” he whispers to Hunk who was standing behind him.

“Is that-”

“Yes.” 

“What is he-”

“That's what I want to know and how the hell he even got in here!” 

“Keep it down in trying to sleep,” Keith grumbled and twisted around to face away from the light streaming from the door. 

Lance stomped over and turned Keith around saying, “Okay buddy, you gotta get out because this room doesn't belong to you,” Lance said. 

Keith slapped Lance’s hand away, “No I don't wanna~” 

For all that Lance knows about Keith, he definitely knew that Keith does NOT talk like that. 

“Dude, what happened to you?” Lance asked, feeling a little concerned. 

Hunk hit a switch and the room was immediately bathed in light. It looked messy as usual, not a single crumpled wad of paper out of place, the only thing different is the addition of a Keith sized lump on Lance’s bed. 

A high pitched giggle erupted from Keith's chest.

“Thelightsaresoprettty,” he slurred. “I miss the castle,” he said more clearly this time, “Lights are prettier there.” 

Hunk and Lance shared a look. 

“Oooooookay princess but I think you're drunk and you have to get out,” Lance insisted and pulled Keith up by the wrists. Hunk, on the other hand, decided to kick back and watch the show from his desk chair. 

“M’ not da princess, Allura is. M’ a paladin,” Keith grumbled. Lance was able just barely to pull him upright but entire body was drooping to the right as if he may just topple over at any second. 

“Dude he is definitely drunk,” Hunk said. 

“M’ not drunk,” Keith denied looking very obviously drunk. 

“How did he even get alcohol in anyway? I've been trying to do that for months!” 

“Won't tell you cargo pilot,” Keith smirked, raising Lance's hackles, “Shiro told me to never tell anyone so shhh shhh.” 

“Shiro?” Hunk asked. “As in Shirogane of the Kerberos mission?” 

“He's a fucking IDIOT,” Keith suddenly exploded, “I fucking TOLD him not to go on that mission but nooo oooooh Keith is just a crazy conspiracy theorist that watches too much anime!” Keith threw his hands up in exasperation. 

“And then I fuckin told Pidge that she shouldn't let her father and brother go on that fucking mission but did she listen?! NO. OF COURSE NOT. I'm just insane! HA! I really fucking miss the team you know?! Fuck my LIFE. I JUST had to fuckin die early huh?!” he ranted hotly and slammed his hand on the bed. He pressed his palms into his eyes and made a weird sound that was a hybrid between a dog’s whine and a dolphin clicking. 

He must have passed out at some point because the next thing he knew he was lying in his own bed. Hunk must have been nice enough to send him back to his own room after he broke into theirs completely drunk off his face. 

Keith squeezed his eyes shut in a grand attempt at falling back asleep. In the midst of his suffering, he made a mental note to thank Hunk the next time he sees him. 

There was a thumping sound reverberating through Keith’s head, each thump caused a sharp pain to stab at his brain. He wondered if he could stop his own heart for a few minutes to get some peace and quiet. 

“Open up Keith! You were right!” someone yelled as they pounded on his door, “You were right about everything! Okay?! I was wrong! Open up!” 

“Can you quit it?!” Keith growled as he yanked the door open eyes red and looking like he was run over by a truck, “Oh Pidge. It's just you.”

He grumbled and stumbled back into his room. The room was a gigantic mess, if Keith looked like he was run over by a truck, his room looked like the truck rampaged through it to get to him. Not only that, there were vodka bottles and beer cans strewn about everywhere. 

“Are you drunk?” Katie gaped. 

“Not drunk,” he corrected and sat heavily on his chair, “Hungover. So could you please tell me exactly what you want and then get out?” 

“You could get kicked out for this!” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he muttered to himself but Katie was already moving on. 

“You were right about the Kerberos mission. There's definitely something fishy about how the Garrison tries to cover up everything about it. They even refused to disclose anything about my father or brother,” Katie blabbered angrily, “They didn't even tell it to me and my mum’s faces, we had to hear it from the news!” 

Keith rolled his eyes and cracked open a can of beer, “Tell me something I don't know.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“I knew this was going to happen, the Kerberos mission, the crew going missing, why do you think I locked Shiro in the broom closet the other day?” Keith pointed out as he tipped his head back and drank deeply. 

“I just thought you were insane but yeah, how did you know that?” 

“I'm from the future,” he answered plainly, “But that doesn't matter anymore just leave me to wallow in my own misery.” 

“Wait wait, you're from the future?” Katie asked incredulously. 

“Not so loud,” he hissed, his headache spiking up again, “And yes, I’m from the future. I've been through this many many many times already. But this is the first time I’ve come back so far. Usually, I’d be sent back a year from now when Shiro escapes from the aliens so I thought, hey, why not try to stop him from going to that ill-fated mission! But noooooooo, no one ever listens to the conspiracy nut.” 

“I believe you,” Katie said.

“Of course you do, you’re the team’s other conspiracy nut.” 

“So tell me about this ‘team’ I'm apparently in and this alternate future you're from Keith,” Pidge said. 

“Well...” Keith began, “It starts with the Kerberos mission but you already know that-” 

\----

(Bonus) 

You know that I hate you right?” Lance mummers as he laid Keith down. 

“Don't worry,” Keith mumbled into the pillow, shocking Lance. How long was he awake? Keith turned his head so that the next words came out crystal clear, “I hate me too,” he said as he drifted off. 

Lance did not know how to reply that. 

Soon quiet snores filled the room. Lance realised that Keith did not have a roommate. He had this tiny room all to himself. It was bare. Very painfully bare. Apart from the alcohol, the occasional shirt or sock that was strewn about and the books on the desk, there was nothing else personal about it. 

It was so unlike his and Hunk’s room which was ten times messier with a lot more clothes, pictures of family members and posters littering the walls, and game consoles or half written notes in random corners. 

Lance looked away from the bare walls and gently pulled a blanket over Keith’s sleeping form before quietly leaving the room. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 44: a kind of a pun because four sounds like die in Chinese. Btw if you don't see a part number next to the loop, it means that I have no intention of returning to it. 
> 
> I wanted to give an explanation to why Shiro was already looping when he's still under the Galra in loop 279 despite the fact that I've already established that they start looping when he's already on his way to Earth. So yeah if you die earlier you loop earlier! 
> 
> I tried to make it more serious (it was supposed to be Keith being scared and alone and thinking he might be going insane) but I can't make anything serious. Hell, I can't even make deaths serious. It pained me to write fake sugary sweet cheesy prose for Molly when she was describing Keith. I tried to emulate the 12-year-old me from my fanfiction.net days when Bethany was narrating. EURGh.
> 
> So uh underage drinking? Idk I'm going under the assumption that the Garrison is a tertiary learning kinda thing so they'll be at least 17-18. 18 is the legal drinking age where I'm from so???? Age of consent is 16 but that's besides the point.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I'm back to this format! Maybe I'll write more single loop chapters in the future who knows?

Loop 311 (1) 

Everything played out exactly the same way as the Default Loop. They didn't receive any new loop memories at all, not even small little dumb things like a change in favourite ice cream or favourite colour or whether they've planted a bomb before. 

Everything was normal until they reached Arus on the Blue Lion. The Castle of Lions looked vastly different, to say the least. It’s colour scheme and all around layout was changed. The lights weren't the familiar blue and the walls weren't white. The corridors weren't as spacious and the ceilings weren't as high. The lighting was much much dimmer. Oh and the bathrooms has a litter box installed instead of the weird spiral thing that they usually have. 

In short, the Castle of Lions was of Galra make. Needless to say, the two people inside weren't the princess and Coran. 

Instead, in the cryopod they had a prissy part Galra part Altean prince by the name of Sincline and the Druid witch Haggar of all people. 

“Fath-AAAAAAAAAAAH!” Sincline fell flat on his face when the cryopod deactivated because one could be bothered to be there to catch him. He looked up at them past his white hair and scrambled to his feet. “Who are you?” he demanded. 

At this point, Haggar stumbles out of the pod looking much younger and less menacing than they had ever seen her. Who knew being good was good for your complexion? 

"Prince Sincline?" she held a hand to her head before straightening up as she sees the five, "Who are these intruders?" she held her hand up, gathering her magics. 

“I'm Hunk, he's Keith, this is Shiro, that's Lance, the smol one is Pidge and over there is Shiro,” Hunk introduced but steamrolled ahead before Sincline could reply, “BUT before you ask, we came here on a blue mechanical lion, it called to us so that's how we found it, yes we know of Voltron and yes, the war has been going on for about ten thousand years give or take.” 

"How do we know that they are telling the truth?" Haggar asked. 

Sincline got over to the console and ran a diagnostic on the castle, his expression turned pained. "It's true," he said mournfully, "We've been in stasis for ten thousand years. How could you possibly know all that?" Sincline demanded. 

"We are from the future," Lance said blandly.

"Right," Sincline said, totally not believing him, "In any case, we need to find the rest of the lions before they fall into the hands of Altea." 

Shiro felt a tiny tug at his shirt. He looked down to see Pidge gesturing for him to come closer. He obliged and bent down, lending her his ear. 

“I am insanely uncomfortable right now,” she whispered. 

He straightened and gave her a look that said ‘you and me both’ but instead said, “Shush, don't be rude.” 

* * *

Loop 934 (1) 

When Pidge woke up she found herself in a train carriage compartment with an amazing view of the mountains zipping by. 

The compartment was empty apart from her so she quickly took stock of what was around her before her loop memories set in. 

So she is young, maybe about fourteen or fifteen. Cool, she could work with that. She peeked into her shirt, female this time then. Currently, she had a plain green shirt with well-worn jeans and sneakers, nice. And she had a weird wand in her back pocket. Was she some weird Harry Potter fanatic in the loop or something? Not that she was not a fan, she was but she was waaaay above custom ordering her own wand eheheheh. Probably. 

She has a trunk in the overhead storage so she's probably going somewhere for a few weeks at least and the compartment itself was pretty luxurious with plush cushions so she probably had money or someone sponsored her? 

As she was attempting to climb up to search through her luggage, a girl with bushy hair exploding from her head popped her head into the compartment. 

“Oh sorry I didn't know this was taken!” she quickly apologised before closing the door and running off. 

“Holy shit is that who I think it is,” Pidge gasped and leapt across the compartment to slam open the door, just in time to see the girl’s quickly disappearing back, her black robes fluttering behind her. 

“Holy shit that was Hermione Granger.” That was about the point that her loop memories kicked in. 

“Holy shit sticks on a Galra litter box,” she breathed, looking down at the wand in her hand and then breaking into a face-splitting grin. “Oh fuck YEAH!” 

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (3) 

The Garrison trio plus Keith were completely confused. Shiro did not crash land on earth like he was supposed to. They had waited all night but nothing happened so they ended up essentially stargazing on the cliff side just waiting for something to happen. Since they were not caught by the Garrison or on the run, they decided that they would go back to the godforsaken school while they formulate a plan. 

Keith said he'd lurk around the town since his shack was too far away. That, and he wanted to stock up on booze. Who knew he was such a cocktail connoisseur. 

They were on their way to their Aviation Maintenance class when Pidge suddenly received an email. 

‘Dear Miss Kaitlyn Holt/Pidge Gunderson, 

Republic of Galra’s first annual congress meeting will be held on the first lunar eclipse on the twentieth month of the Galran Minx calendar. Seeing that you are the relative of Matt Holt, our newly elected president, and the future Green Paladin of Voltron we cordially invite you and your fellow paladins to the meeting and the after party. 

Transportation will be provided on the next Earth Friday upon receiving this electronic letter. Bring your mum if you want. 

Love, Shirogane Takashi Secretary of Health and Galra Services

P.S. No seriously, invite your mum. Your dad is here with us too.

P.P.S. Matt seriously wanted me to send out letters of invitation for this diplomatic peace meeting formally and it suuuuuucks

P.P.P.S. I have no idea if this will actually reach you, intergalactic emails are weird and complicated’

“Shiro what the fuck did you do?” Pidge hissed at her phone. 

“What did who do?” Lance leant over her shoulder. 

Pidge just shoved her phone in his face as an explanation. His eyes quickly scanned through the email then he drew his head back with a slightly impressed face. 

“I didn't even think that was possible this early on,” Lance said completely and utterly awed. 

Hunk plucked the phone out of her hand. “Wooah,” he whistled, completely impressed as well, “So you gonna bring your mum along?” 

“Probably,” Pidge said thoughtfully, “I mean, she probably wouldn't believe me unless we bring show her the Blue lion but yeah, I'll bring her along. She'll be really happy to see dad and Matt again.” 

“Happy would be an understatement,” Hunk intoned. 

“So we gonna skip class now or what?” she asked, already seemingly teleported halfway down the hall. 

“Yeah yeah just let me call Keith,” Lance grumbled as he and Hunk jogged down to catch up with her. 

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (10) 

It was late at night on Altea. Keith was tasked to stand guard at the Red Lion’s hangar by his captain. Of course, he could have just skipped and goofed off like some of the other trainees, this was a time of peace after all, but he was given a job and he would damn well do it, even if it made him totally uncomfortable because feelings. 

It was strange. He still felt a connection to her, like she was still there at the back of his mind. Constant and comforting but faint nevertheless. In all the other previous loops he'd always been the red paladin first before he'd hand over the reins to someone else or just not awaken the princess altogether. He was always Red’s first choice in the Default Loop. 

He was not so arrogant as to think that he was just some chosen one, anyone with quintessence similar enough to Red’s and a personality that impresses her could be her pilot but he could not help but feel a little betrayed and jealous. 

He stared up at Red, her figure looming over him. She always did make an imposing figure, especially when you were standing right in front of her. 

“Hello there, what are you doing?”

Oh fuck. 

Keith whipped around to see this world's current red paladin, Ikenna. 

Ikenna was an extremely tall alien completely towering over him. She was wearing a maroon cloth draped over her like a toga. Her skin was white and translucent, her red veins showing clearly on her skin. She had no hair but had tiny little goat-like horns protruding from her temples. 

She peered at him with her glowing violet eyes. "Hello little guard, what are you doing here?" she asked. 

"Ah- Um-" Keith stuttered, mind racing to find an explanation that didn't make him sound like a total nut case, "I just wanted to admire the Red Lion?" 

Ikenna nodded thoughtfully. "Ah, unsurprising, Red is most impressive." 

"Yes, she is," Keith replied, and then the two lapsed into silence. 

Ikenna scratched her neck while Keith struggled to say something but could not for the life of him think of a single thing to say. The silence was completely stifling like an oppressing weight on his chest and Keith was getting the feeling that he was completely embarrassing himself. It was times like these that he sincerely missed his team. 

"Uh... so..." he began, "What are you doing out so late?"

"Hm? Oh, I was thinking of taking a midnight ride around the atmosphere." 

"Ah," Keith said.

“Okay,” Ikenna said and then another prolonged pause, “I'll be going now.” 

“Right. I should go back to my post,” Keith said hurriedly and about turned, hastily leaving. 

He cursed himself, small talk was not that hard now was it? There were a hundred things he could have said but his mind came up with a blank. People thought that he did not care about socialising very much and that he was a naturally quiet guy, no, he liked talking to people he just did not know how. So he cut his losses and stayed quiet in the background hoping that he did not embarrass himself. He ran a hand down his face as he returned to his position outside the entrance of the hangar. She probably thought that he was weird, he hoped he did not need to speak Ikenna ever again. 

He heard the familiar sound of Red taking off. Ikenna probably thought that he was weird. Oh god, he really blew it, didn't he? He needed a hole in the ground stat. He hoped he didn't need to speak her ever again. 

* * *

Loop 934 HP (2) 

Pidge could not hold in her excitement, she just had to find the others immediately. She quickly changed into her robes, slinging her green tie around her neck instead of tying it properly. She raced down the carriage with her robes billowing behind her. She could not believe that this was her reality now. Oh god, oh fuck, this was her entire dream come true; well apart from meeting aliens and messing with alien tech, been there done that. 

She combed through the compartments like a hurricane, slamming the doors open and shut so quickly the inhabitants could barely find the time to react. She knew from her loop memories that Hunk, Lance and Keith was in the fifth year while she was in her fourth so they should be here around somewhere. 

She slid open the door to see someone making out and then promptly slammed it shut. Nope, not going there. Wait. 

She opened the compartment door again. "Seriously Lance?" she groaned, "We're in Hogwarts Express and all you wanna do is make out with Hunk?!" 

They pulled apart, Hunk at least had the decency to look sheepish while Lance was his usual smug self. 

"Look if you want a turn I'm not stopping you," he said, "But you have to admit, Hunk is a good kisser." 

"That is true," another voice added. 

Pidge had not even noticed Keith sitting opposite them. He had a book in hand and was sitting on the window seat with one leg taking the rest of the space. 

"Urgh Fine! If you guys aren't even remotely excited I'm going elsewhere," she grouched and closed the door with unnecessary force. Just as she was about to stomp away Keith came out. 

"Hey, Pidge you need any help bringing your stuff over?" he asked. 

“Yeah,” she sighs, “Thanks, Keith.” 

“No prob,” he replies as they walk down to Pidge’s original compartment. 

“Hey, you’re in Gryffindor right?” she asked. 

“Yeap. Lance is in Ravenclaw and Hunk is in Hufflepuff.” 

“How the heck did Lance get sorted into Ravenclaw? Gryffindor seems a little more Lance really. Intelligence and wit don't really sound like him,” Pidge said. 

“Well he is creative at times, he can be quick on his feet and surprisingly strategic,” Keith pointed out. 

“That’s true,” she said thoughtfully. 

“It’s that or the universe really really wanted us to be colour coordinated,” Keith said as he looked into the camera like he’s on the office. 

“True.” Pidge agreed but slapped him in the arm (“OW!”) “Also, stop leaning on the wall.” 

* * *

Loop 155 FOOD SHIP (5)

After defending the universe for god knows how many years they had discovered that sugar seemed to be the one constant that majority of the aliens they had encountered enjoyed. And enjoyed immensely. 

Their food truck mostly served breakfast foods like waffles, pancakes, eggs and ice cream. After travelling the universe for god knows how many years, the team has more or less understood what can and cannot be eaten. And as it turns out, anything a human could eat was basically what any other alien could eat. Sure, some alien foods were deathly poisonous and/or acidic and might kill you but the aliens could eat the (ridiculously mild in comparison) human food so that was what that matters. 

They landed on the nearest trading hub and immediately got to work. The first line of work was to buy all of the shit they needed and to buy them they needed money. 

Yeah, money was a big issue. 

Not. 

Hunk had so happened to be really into betting and gambling the previous loop so he easily won a few million GAC lotteries before the first night was over. Hell, they won so much they were pretty much banned from all of the betting dens in the entire hub. 

After that, they set out to buy all the things they needed. Hunk and Keith set out to buy the kitchen apparatus while Pidge and Shiro stayed behind to cut open a window and install shutters on the side of the ship. 

Lance, on the other hand, was handed a kilometre-long list of ingredients and shoved off into the trading market with only Rover 1.0 as his companion. Why Lance was given this job was because he was insanely good at haggling. He could potentially save at least 80% of what they might have to spend on the ingredients. The reason why he was not with Hunk and Keith was because kitchen appliances had a set price. And aliens were dead set on their kitchen appliance prices. Literally, dead set. You buy it as it is or you die. 

No one was allowed to haggle for them after the Great Kitchen Discourse. 

"There was blood shed over that feud," Hunk informed them with a shudder. 

"Riiiight," Lance sweated nervously, stepping away from the alien frying pan as if it would jump up and bite him. 

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (4) 

Matt was insanely busy. He not only had to handle the welfare of the Galra but also all of the solar systems that Zarkon had enslaved. He already withdrew all of the troops from the planets but he could not help that he should set aside some resources to help rebuild these planets. He kind of owed it to those people. 

This, of course, displeased some of Zarkon's 'advisors' in his 'council'. They insisted that these planets hold valuable resources and the Galra needed it more. 

They were sitting around in a meeting room arguing over inane things. Matt’s only comfort was that at least Shiro and his dad had to go through this ordeal as well. After all, misery loves company. 

"And what exactly are you going to do with a hundred thousand battle class Balmeran crystals?" Matt shot back with his arms crossed. He was not a politician (and neither is the author) so tact was not exactly on the forefront of his mind. 

“To protect our planet of course!” another advisor exclaimed. 

“We are trying to bring a time of peace. I don't think mass producing battleships is exactly going to bring across a message that we mean peace. I thought we all agreed that trying to take over the universe at large is going to stop,” Shiro spoke up. 

“Yes but Zarkon has accumulated many enemies over the years and many would love to see the Galra Empire fall,” another council member said. 

Matt sighed in barely suppressed frustration, “It's the Galra Republic now,” he reminded them. 

His com rang and on his holoscreen, it read that his PA was calling. He picked up the call, “Mindel I told you not to disturb me during a meeting,” he admonished. 

“Forgive me sir but the Blue Lion of Voltron is requesting to dock on our bays with someone who claims to be your blood relative.” 

“Katie and Sarah?” his dad sat up straighter.

“How do we know it’s really them?” Matt asked.

“No, it’s really them,” Shiro assured. 

“I know the Blue paladin, you can trust them.” 

“Grant them permission to land and guide them to my personal quarters,” Matt immediately turned and instructed. 

He had long gotten used to Shiro knowing and doing strange things, he shuddered to think what the Galra had done to him to make him become like that. 

“Of course sir,” Mindel said and ended the call. 

Shiro turned to the rest of the Galra in the room. “I believe we should suspend this meeting until further notice. I'll see you gentlemen until then.” 

The council members nodded and slowly got out of the meeting room, only grumbling when they got out of earshot. 

“Can you believe it? Mum and Katie are really here?” Matt remarked.

“Well I sent Pid- I mean- Katie an email remember,” Shiro pointed out. 

“What? How in the world would it reach her from all the way here?” Sam asked. 

“Um, magic?” 

“Of course,” Sam said, nodding his head in complete agreement like it made complete sense. 

“Right,” Matt sighed, completely defeated. 

Why question anything anymore when the Galra had magic energy and all living being having a unique energy signature called quintessence and there were magical robot space lions that combine with four other space lions to form a huge humanoid killer robot. 

* * *

Loop 300 DAD SHIRO (2) 

Everything was peaceful and quiet in Helen’s neighbourhood until Takashi Shirogane moved in next door. He was such a poor thing back then. He had just been discharged from the Air Force with a stump for an arm. He was quiet but polite when she spoke to him. He gave short one-word answers and only spoke a sentence unless he absolutely had to. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he had not slept in weeks. 

She barely saw him after the first day of him moving in, in fact, she had a sneaking suspicion that he did not leave his house at all. 

After a month or two when he did leave his house it was during the dead of the night and returning at the wee hours of the morning completely drunk off his mind. One time he actually vomited into Helen’s rose bush and passed out at his front door. And then after that, there was a whole string of women going in and out of his house. She could not believe the soft-spoken man she had met all those months ago had turned into this. 

And then four three-month-old babies were left on his front doorstep. They were left screaming and crying there for at least three hours until Helen could not take it anymore and knocked on Shirogane's door. He swung open the door, looking annoyed and a complete mess. His house was no better from what Helen could see, empty beer bottles, cans, clothes and other miscellaneous junk was strewn about; She could even see some boxes from when he just moved in stacked in a corner and he moved in almost more than half a year ago! 

"I believe these are yours," she said sternly and shoved the babies into his arms. Shirogane looked extremely shocked as he scrambled not to drop any of them. And with that, she turned with a huff and stalked back to her own home. 

\----- 

“Are you sure it was a good idea to put four babies in the hands of that kind of person?” Ashley asked in concern Helen as they shopped for groceries, “He's a drunk, a sex fiend, a war veteran, unmarried AND only has one arm.” 

“Well, I was hoping that having children would sober him up... but it's probably a little overwhelming for one young man,” Helen admitted, “Maybe I'll go check on them later today.” 

“And have child protection services on speed dial just in case,” Ashley added. 

And just as they were rounding about the preserved food aisle they encountered none other than Takashi Shirogane himself. 

He was simultaneously pushing a quad stroller and a shopping cart while picking out diapers and talking on the phone. 

“Yeah, thanks Coran. I really appreciate that you could come on such short notice. No no it's fine. Say hi to Allura for me, bye,” he ended the call and shoved his old retro Nokia into his back pocket. 

He waved when noticed the two of them staring at him. “Hello,” he greeted them politely, “Good to see you.” 

“Good to see you too,” Helen said, stunned at his sudden change of demure. 

The aura Shirogane exhumed was completely different from the other day. Sure he still looked tired but he seemed calm, confident and not at all bothered that he had one of his arms was made of metal. 

“How have you been lately?” she asked. 

“Great! I've just been accepted as a physics teacher at the local high school,” he said happily, “and Pidge has started rolling onto her back this morning so there's that.” 

“Ah good,” she said before adding, “You should use this brand, the other one gave Tommy rashes,” as she pulled out a pack of diapers and placed it in his hands. 

Shirogane accepted it gratefully. “Thanks.” 

“Right we best be off. It was nice to see you again,” Helen said and walked away with Ashley in tow. 

“Are you sure that he did all those things you said he did?” Ashley whispered when they got to a few aisles down. 

“I'm pretty sure,” Helen said, “Maybe he did sober up because of the kids.”

\----- 

Hunk blew a raspberry at Shiro. 

“What?” Shiro said defensively, crossing his arms, “I was making nice to our neighbour.” 

Pidge made a gurgling sound. 

“No Pidge, I am not- ah- how dare you! I do not care about what this loop’s me did. How could you insinuate that?” 

Lance babbled nonsense.

“Shush up Lance,” Shiro deadpanned. 

“At least Keith is quiet.” 

Keith let out a burp.

“Not you too,” he groaned. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 242: I may or may not have projected onto Keith, whoops???
> 
> Loop 934: More on the Potter loop next time!
> 
> Loop 300: So now we finally have some backstory on Shiro and how he ended up with four kids
> 
> Loop 279: President Matt and the minor return of Mindel!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented, your comments really make my day. I swear, it amazes me that people actually enjoy all my shit (*´∀`*) 
> 
> And without further ado, chapter 8

Loop 263 GENDERBEND (5) 

Being on a generic slave ship was not how Shiro intended to spend his weekend. He was just out and about on one of the poorer entertainment hubs when he was carted away. Granted, he was mildly tipsy (completely smashed) at the time but that was beside the point. 

Lance and Keith were probably out clubbing somewhere while Hunk and Pidge opted to stay in the castle, already having partied enough the night before. 

Sometimes he forgets that many alien races have at least two genders like humans do and that these slave traders tended to target those they deemed ‘weaker’. Meaning genders that give birth because apparently, that made them weaker somehow. 

So here he was, nursing his hangover while other ‘females’ were cowering in fear at their plight. There were some who tried to fight back and escape but they were made an example of apparently because when Shiro was finally lucid enough they were all sitting quietly and some were even crying. It seemed that they were careful in only catching aliens that didn't have any claws or fangs or can spit acid or anything crazy like that, just his luck then. 

They were all stuffed into a single large container with glass-like walls with thugs standing at the entrance of the container and the cargo bay itself. And from what Shiro could tell they had not left the docking bay yet. 

“We must be brave,” one alien said to another, sounding completely deadpan like she was a really bad voice actor. Maybe their species could not emote very well. 

“I'll try but it's hard,” the other said with a whimper. 

Shiro sighed as he rubbed his temples and adjusted his (shudder) bra strap. He had not bothered with a binder like Keith did but now he sorely wished he did, he was sure that he now had an angry red line embedded onto his shoulder. 

An alien with snake-like scales nudged him with her(?) elbow. “You do not seem very scared,” she said. 

He looked up at her, “Neither do you.”

“My Rhumba will come for me. I am not afraid.” 

“Same,” Shiro agreed, “But I’m not going to spend my hangover sitting in a cramped box waiting for my team.” 

Shiro scooted over to the nearest wall and tapped it lightly with his Galra arm. It was definitely thinner than the containment walls used by the Galra, that was for sure. He could probably cut a hole but then it would attract the attention of the thugs. 

Hmm does he want to rush them head on guns blazing or be a ninja and stealth his way out. 

“You wish to escape by all yourself?!” another alien with pink skin hissed. 

“It's hopeless,” a soft looking bipedal lamb like alien said. 

“We mustn't give up hope, there might be a way to escape from this horrible place if we could just think of a way to open that door,” the snake alien said. 

“You're mad, escape from here is impossible,” another busy body alien said.

“I'm crazy, I could do anything,” Shiro said with a ridiculously hoarse Swedish accent. 

All the women(?) around him gasped dramatically. 

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (9)

‘THE RUMOUR COME OUT: DOES KEITH SONG IS GAY? 

Keith Song is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. Even it has happened in 20XX, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumour comes out about his gay. At that time he became the massive social networking rumour. The public, especially his fans are shocked. He just came out with his bad rumour which is spread massively. This time is not about his music career, but his bad rumour. The rumour is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this singer revealed himself as homosexual. Do you still believe or not, this rumour is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans.’ 

Shiro squinted at the article as he read it out loud, completely ignoring the laughing messes that are Pidge, Lance and Hunk behind him. 

Lance was holding his sides, barely able to breathe while expertly dodging Keith’s deathly erratic swings from his bayard. 

“Princess, I think the translator’s broken,” Shiro yelled over the racket his space children were making. 

Allura rubbed her temples as she contemplated the vast incomprehensible vast ever expanding universe since it was much easier than asking herself why she did not find new paladins to pilot Voltron. 

“I don't understand. The translators were working fine just a moment ago,” Coran said as he ran a diagnostic on the control panel. 

“There is NOTHING WRONG with the translator!” Keith barked. “It's Lance and his STUPID MEMES!” 

“Hey, it wasn't just my idea!” Lance screamed as he barely dodged a swing. 

"Shut up Keith, respect the memes," Pidge said through her tears. 

* * *

L oop 300 DAD SHIRO (3) 

Taking care of babies was hard, never mind four of them at the same time. Shiro thanked whoever was up there that he managed to meet Coran and Allura in this loop. 

Coran was one of his neighbours and Allura was his seventeen-year-old niece. He put up an ad in the newspaper asking for a practically full-time babysitter and Coran replied. 

Since then, Shiro has been thanking his lucky stars every day for Coran since he was practically an angel. An eccentric Australian angel but an angel nevertheless. 

Sometimes, Allura would accompany Coran in taking care of the four. Shiro offered to pay her as well but she would always refuse. 

It was not the first time Shiro has seen her human or younger for that matter but it always threw him off to see a gangly awkward teenage girl instead of the imposing regal space elf he was used to seeing. 

“Hey, Shiro!” she greeted him as he stumbled through the front door. She was playing with the four on the floor with many stuffed animals strewn about. 

“Hey, Allura,” he greeted back as he removed his prosthetic arm and he collapsed onto the carpet, using one of the teddy bears as a pillow. 

The four babies crawled over and patted his face and arms. Hunk even climbed onto his back and laid there spread out like a star, as if he was trying to hug him with his entire tiny body. 

“Aw look! They're trying to comfort you,” Allura cooed.

“Mmmmffff,” Shiro said incoherently, “Where's Coran?” 

“He's in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner,” she replied. 

“And how did they behave today?” 

“Fine, though Lance was particularly cranky today, not sure why.” 

“Eh, sometimes he has those strange mood swings, don't worry about it,” he said absently but yelped when Lance gave him a particularly hard smack on the face. 

Allura giggled, “Babies are surprisingly smart.” 

“You're telling me,” he groaned as he plucked Hunk off his back and plopped him back onto the floor. 

All of them were trying to scramble onto his lap and Keith was hanging off his stump of an arm. Shiro looked at Keith who just stared back at him. 

“I guess you could say Keith is my right-hand man right?” he said. 

Allura looked confused for a second before it hit her. “OH MY GOD SHIRO CAN YOU NOT?!” 

* * *

Loop 934 HP (3) 

“Hey, has anyone seen Shiro around?” Pidge asked as they boarded the Thestral drawn carriages. She was completely oblivious to the disgusted looks the other Slytherin students were throwing her way. 

“Nope, this world’s Lance doesn't even know him,” Lance said as he gave the Thestral one last pet before bounding onto the carriage. 

“Same here,” Hunk said while Keith silently nodded. 

This worried them a bit because they would sometimes go loops without ever meeting each other at all. At least when you loop early you get to be there when they Wake Up but to never meet them at all, it was terrifying. 

“Maybe he lives in Hogsmeade,” Hunk said hopefully. 

“Yeah maybe,” Pidge said with an almost defeated sigh. 

\----- 

Pidge noticed that the students at the Gryffindor table gave a wide berth to the four of them as they sat there, her three friends seemed wholly unaffected by it. 

“Are you sure I should sit with you guys?” she hissed at Lance, who was casually scarfing down food like he was a starving man. 

“What? It's not like it's against the rules or anything,” he said, food bits splattering everywhere. 

Pidge pushed his face away with disgust. “One, don't talk with your mouth full. And two, technically there aren't any rules stopping us but...” 

“Shush, Dumbledore is announcing the new staff members,” Hunk said. 

“We have had two changes in staffing this year. We are very pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Shirogane and Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers,” announced Dumbledore. 

The applause from the students was unenthusiastic and bored but sudden loud screaming turned their eyes towards the four anomalies sitting at the Gryffindor table. 

“YEEEEEEES HOLY SHIT YESSSS SHIRO’S HERE!!!” 

“HEEEY SHIRO LOOKIN’ GOOD MAN!” 

“WHOOOOOOO SHIIIIRO!” 

Shiro hid his smile behind his hand. It was good to see them again. They saw him at the teacher’s table the moment they entered the hall, of course, they just used the announcement to unnecessarily make noise and announce their presence to him. 

“Moving on,” Dumbledore said as if he had not heard anything, “Tryouts for the House Quidditch teams will take place on the -” 

And then Umbridge rudely interrupts him. Pidge felt the unholy urge to strangle the woman, kill her and then piss on her grave. She took deep breaths and loosened her grip on her fork and spoon. 

It was too early to kill her, she told herself, we need to do it in the most painful way possible. 

“So what’s the game plan this time then?” Hunk inquired over Umbridge’s shrill speech. 

“I’m thinking killing Umbridge at the soonest possible opportunity,” Pidge said. 

“So we’re not going to do anything about the Horcruxes?” Lance asked. 

“Wait, how much meddling are we intending to do in this universe?” Keith asked as he sipped his pumpkin juice and grimacing at the taste. 

“So do we wanna spare old HP the deaths of people he loves and cares about and a lifetime of PTSD or do we just let things run their course?” Pidge said. 

They looked at each other for a moment. 

“Meddling it is then,” Hunk said with a nod. 

“Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited,” Umbridge finished her speech that frankly, no one was paying attention to because if they were, their brains would have rotted out of their heads and dripped out do their ears. 

“ _ GO SUCK A DICK YOU EVIL CUNT! _ ” Pidge screamed in Altean. 

The Altean language, Pidge has learned, is very effective to curse in because it was so musical and lyrical sounding, everything in it sounded nice. Speaking Galra on the other hand, made even saying ‘pass the salt’ sounded like you were asking someone to have sexual intercourse with a knife, repeatedly. 

“Thank you,” Umbridge beamed. 

_ “Not what I meant you evil Voldemort dick sucking bitch!”  _

Umbridge beamed and sat back down, looking insanely smug. Which made Pidge want to punch her in the face all the more. 

Later on, after the students were ushered to their respective common rooms, the teachers headed off to their own rooms for the night. 

“ _ Hem hem. _ ” Shiro was almost at his door when a gratingly familiar voice came from behind him. 

“Oh Professor Umbridge, what a surprise,” Shiro said politely. 

“Professor Shirogane,” she greeted primly, “I have come to discuss the particulars of the Defence Against the Dark Arts syllabus with you.” 

“Of course,” Shiro nodded.

A pause.

“Are you not going to invite me in?” she asked haughtily. 

“I prefer to stand, thank you, and I cannot allow you in yet as I haven't had the time to clean up yet,” Shiro said, which was true. 

His room was bare bones with a four poster bed and a table with chairs. A trunk and a few bags of luggage were placed at the foot of the bed while a number of boxes were placed at the sides. 

“Oh, why not?” Umbridge asked out of politeness. 

“Yes well, I haven't been able to because I received the position in such short notice. Apparently, Professor Dumbledore received my application letter a little late,” Shiro said mildly, “something had happened to the owl carrying it along the way apparently.” 

“Oh, how fortunate that Professor Dumbledore got back to you quickly then,” she said with a strange sickly sweet tone. 

“Of course,” he nodded politely, “So in any case, what about the syllabus that you'd like to discuss with me?” 

“Yes, here is my lesson plan for the week.” Umbridge pulled out a thin stack of paper from her putrid pink robes and placed them in Shiro’s outstretched hand. “I am sure that you will find it most helpful in making adjustments to your own.” 

Shiro forced down his irritation as he flipped through the pages. “Ah yes, I already have my own lesson plan but thank you for the suggestions nevertheless.” 

“But is your lesson plan Ministry approved?” she challenged. 

“No, but-” 

“Then you should know that my lesson plan will be more beneficial to the education of the students then?” she interrupted. 

Shiro was silent for a moment, his breathing was unnaturally even. 

“I apologise Miss Umbridge but I am suddenly feeling rather faint and would like to retire to my bed now,” he said calmly, “So if you don't mind I will be heading off to bed now.” 

“What? No! Not until-”

“I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough, leave so I may sleep.  _ Please _ .” 

“How dare you speak to me that way I am a Senior Undersecretary at the Ministry of Magic!” she screeched. 

Shiro tilted his head in mock confusion, mustering all the acting skill in his body, “I don't see how that was rude Miss Umbridge. I apologise as English is not my first language.” he said as he spoke perfect English. 

“Of course Dumbledore would be so incompetent as to hire someone who could barely even speak English,” Umbridge tsked. 

“In any case, good night!” Shiro said hurriedly and slipped into his room before she could protest. 

Loud banging could be heard from the other side so Shiro simply cast a silencing spell on it. He thanked the heavens that the teacher’s offices and rooms had many privacy spells and charms on it so that no one could simply use  _ Alohomora _ on them. 

He quickly undressed and dived into his warm inviting bed. Holy Galra litter boxes did talking to that pink frog drain one's energy. 

* * *

Loop 263 GENDERBEND (6) 

“Hey, has anyone seen Shiro around?” Pidge asked as Lance and Keith stumbled into the chairs opposite her. She and Hunk were eating at the space equivalent of McDonald’s shitty cheap mass produced space burgers. 

The view from the fast food joint was not bad, though. From where they sat they could see the deep space and the planets and stars surrounding them. Oh wait, you could see that from everywhere. Well, you could see the ship docking bay from here so that was something. 

The air on the BAD-gate-505 trading dome was breathable for humans, if a little hallucinogenic, but what was a little acid trip anyway? Seeing little fairy lights twerk around people was hilarious. 

“Hmm? Nope haven't seen him all night,” Lance said while stuffing some of Hunk’s fries into his mouth and giggling at the sights only he could see. 

“I think I last saw him in that weird bar with the jellyfish thingy floating about,” Keith said. 

“So what you're saying is, we lost Shiro,” Hunk said. 

“Pfft, no we did not!” Lance denied. 

“Didn't Coran warn us that there were slave traders who'd kidnap lone wanderers around these parts?” Hunk said with slight concern. 

“Shiro is a big boy, he can take care of himself,” Keith said as he crossed his arms. Oh boy did it feel good to do that without feeling the swell of his (shudder) boobs. 

“Not that I doubt that,” Pidge said, “but we're squishy humans, and we don't exactly look all that threatening.” 

“Where are you going with this?” Lance questioned cautiously. 

“What I'm saying is, Shiro, as big and buff as he may be, looks like a vulnerable and not to mention drunk human female right now! If that doesn't scream kidnap me I don't know what does!” 

“Do aliens take gender into consideration? Do they even have the same concept of gender as we do?” Hunk asked. 

“Not sure,” Keith said, deep in thought, “Or maybe they just target those who looks like they won't fight back?” 

“Which was what Shiro looked like since he's probably really hungover right now,” Lance said with an ‘oh dear the dog pooped on the carpet again’ sigh, “We better go look for him.” 

And just as he was standing up, a gigantic explosion erupted from behind him. The blast caused little pieces of metal to be flung in all directions. Lance turned to see an ordinary containment ship engulfed in green flames. 

And out from the flames came Shiro and a whole group of other aliens dragging some fifty odd tied up unconscious thugs. 

“Hey, guys!” Shiro greeted them loudly with a wave, “Save me some milkshake! I'm gonna need it!” 

“Okay...?” Keith replied, his non-existent hair blown back by the blast. 

Pidge handed him a few GAC and he dutifully went off to buy a strawberry milkshake. 

* * *

Loop 243 12 YR OLDS (2) 

Allura’s gaze was hard and full of stubborn determination. Her hands were balled into fists, looking like she was getting ready to sock someone in the face. 

“I cannot possibly send these children into battle!” she exclaimed. 

“Hey! I piloted the Blue Lion! That makes me the blue paladin doesn't it?” Lance protested. 

Allura shook her head, “Even so I cannot bear the burden of the knowledge that I have sent young children barely at the cusp of maturing to be sent out in battle!” 

“That's right,” Coran agreed, “On Altea these children should still be trailing after their mothers and drinking molten waspcrane juice from packets!” 

“Princess, I don't think we have a choice right now,” Shiro tried to reason, “We have a Galra battleship locked onto us and if we don't get the rest of the lions and form Voltron, we’ll all be toast.” 

“I do not know what toast is,” Allura snapped, “but I know that I cannot allow mere children to pilot Voltron.” 

“Then with all due respect princess, what do you suggest we do now?” Keith exploded rudely, earning himself an ear pulling from Shiro. 

“But he’s right, we are the only available pilots right now,” Shiro said, “Lance has already proven himself to the Blue Lion. Your father died protecting the Lions and we can't afford to let them fall into Galra hands. We can figure this out when the immediate danger has been eliminated.” 

“Low blow Shiro. Low blow,” Pidge hissed from behind her hand. 

Allura took a deep shuddering breath and sighed. “Fine,” she bit out, “I will allow them to find and pilot the Lions just this once.” 

“But princess-” Coran protested but Allura held a hand up, cutting him short. 

“No, as much as it pains me, the universe is at stake. We need to find the lions and form Voltron,” she said bitterly as she stalked to the control panel, pulling up the coordinates of the Lions. 

“This isn't over though,” she hissed as she passed Shiro. 

A chill to ran down his spine. Oh fuck. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 263: some of the dialogue was directly taken from 80s Voltron seriously [watch it](https://youtu.be/FurRIjdBgYk?t=4m39s) it's hilarious I swear, it's like it's 'Shitpost: The robot lion anime'
> 
> Loop 934: I hate Umbridge if you can't tell
> 
> Loop 101: does entire cast of voltron is gay
> 
> Loop 300: I have been waiting to tell this one joke
> 
> Loop 243: Shiro is FUCKED


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Harry Potter shenanigans and Keith once again proves that he should lead Voltron. Seriously though, he shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am having so much fun with the Harry Potter loop you have no idea but anyway,
> 
> Fic rec time! 
> 
> [Yu-Gi-Oh Time Loops](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9685366/1/Yu-Gi-Oh-Time-Loops)
> 
> Exactly what it says on the tin. This was the first time loop fic I remember reading. My format is kind of based on this. I really enjoyed the comedy but the crossovers got a little confusing but I enjoyed it immensely. 
> 
> [Its For a Good Cause I Swear! ](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5409165/1/It-s-For-a-Good-Cause-I-Swear)
> 
> Okay this fic is one of my faves, this is a Naruto fic-- wait WAIT DONT RUN ITS GOOD- yeah anyway, Naruto and gang travel back in time to fix things. Nothing bad happened, no one died, the future is pretty okay but they decide to go back anyway because why the fuck not. The humour is superb and there's a few ongoing jokes that I swear is comedy gold. 
> 
> [Oh God Not Again!](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4536005/1)
> 
> A Harry Potter fanfic where Harry gets his happy end but accidentally falls through the veil and ends up back on that day where Hagrid tells him he's a wizard. But seriously, this is just a fic about Harry doing increasingly 'awesome' things and everyone thinking he's crazy.
> 
> And that's all for this round folks!

Loop 934 HP (4) 

Since Hogwarts now had two Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, Shiro and Umbridge had to split the cohorts. This of course meant that they both had a lighter workload compared to the other professors but that also means that one half of each year from first to sixth is going to suffer. 

Pidge rhythmically thumped her head on the table, hoping that it would kill enough brain cells for her to tolerate Umbridge. 

“Kill me now,” she groaned roughly. 

Keith, her also very much unfortunate seatmate, patted her shoulder comfortingly. 

“It isn't so bad,” he said hopefully, “She’s not as irritating in real life.” The last bit came out sounding like a completely half-assed lie, even to Keith himself. 

“You wanna bet?” Pidge growled, “I've had lecturers and teachers like her before in the Default Loop, and trust me, Umbridge is all of those combined times two thousand. Hell, the entire fucking Garrison has nothing on her!” 

“I've had really annoying teachers before too, it'll be fine,” Keith said, still sounding completely unconvinced by what he was saying. 

“She made us greet her like primary school children!” she hissed,  _ “Good Afternoon, Professor Umbridge,”  _ she recited in a nasal mocking voice. 

“That, and she called Harry Potter himself a fucking liar and gave him detention on the very first day of class,” she added as an afterthought. 

The ‘lesson’ was boring as hell. They literally just sat there quietly and read the textbook. There were no lectures, no quiz, not even fucking slides. Umbridge had no idea how to teach. At all. All she did was sit there doing whatever an annoying racist arrogant pink bitch of a toad she was. After Harry exploded at Umbridge and was sent to see McGonagall, everyone was a lot more subdued. 

Pidge even doubted that she was even paying the class the slightest bit of attention at all anymore. Pidge did cast  _ Muffliato _ to stop Umbridge from hearing their conversation but apart from that, they did not really try to look discreet in their chatting so for the rest of the class they hashed out notes for ‘things to worry about’ for their meeting with Shiro later that night. 

\----- 

After class Pidge caught up with Harry, she called out to him, “Harry! Hey, if it helps any, I believe you. Voldermort is back and we need to be prepared. Umbridge is an idiot and needs to be taken down.” 

“Oh, um wow.” Harry looked stunned, he never actually talked to Pidge before but it was good to know that one more person believed him, even if she was a Slytherin and her friends were bat shit insane. “Thanks,” he said. 

“No problem, I know what it’s like to have some people not believe you when you're telling the truth and authority screwing you over,” her face crinkled slightly like she was remembering a bad experience before switching back to cheery so fast Harry felt a whiplash, “Well, I’ll see you around bye,” Pidge waved and ran off. 

\----- 

Professor Shirogane was an interesting professor. He was ridiculously handsome, as many members of the class quickly noted, he was friendly but firm and he seemed to really look at you like he was really listening when he spoke with you. Sure they had a ghost for a professor, a werewolf, a dark wizard (twice), a half giant and professor Dumbledore but this was the first time they  had a teacher from a different country entirely. 

But when the class first entered his classroom they were quiet, unsure of how strict Shirogane was actually going to be. 

“Good morning class!” Professor Shirogane greeted his class, fifth year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, cheerfully, “I am Professor Shirogane and I will be your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher for the year!” 

The class collectively let out a held breath. It seemed like Professor Shirogane was going to be a nice, friendly teacher. A nice change to the stuttering mess that was Quirrell, or y’know, a literal Death Eater. 

“Hey, Professor Shiro!” Lance and Hunk shouted from the back of the class. 

The other Ravenclaws tried their best to ignore him. Lance had always been less than a conventional Ravenclaw student, he was average at his subjects and he was not particularly brilliant but he was social and friendly, if a little obnoxious. They had no idea what happened to him over the school break but he seemed to have become more obnoxious and loud, and more loose maybe? 

The Hufflepuffs, on the other hand, were pretty chill about Hunk suddenly losing his marbles. He was still a cool dude so there was that. 

“So today's just going to be you getting to know me better since I'm the new guy here and after that, I'll be going through the subjects we'll be covering this semester. Any questions?” 

The students kept their mouths shut.

“Where did you study magic?” Lance asked, breaking the silence. 

“I was homeschooled by my parents until I was fifteen, then they decided to send me to Japan’s wizarding school of magic Mahoutokoro,” Shiro said. 

“What kind of magic did you learn?” a Ravenclaw girl asked. 

“The concepts of magic are the same as what you have here in Britain but there was more of an emphasis on Shinto mythology. We also did a lot of work with paper talismans.” 

“Will we be learning any of that?” a Hufflepuff boy asked. 

“Unfortunately, no.” Some students groaned in disappointment. 

“This year is your O.W.L. examination so as much as I would like to teach you about my culture’s magic, O.W.L. take priority.” Cue more intense groaning front the students. 

“What do you think of professor Umbridge?” Hunk asked. 

“I'd.... rather not discuss gossip about my fellow colleagues but understand that I respect her as a professional and as an individual.” he said diplomatically. 

\----- 

“I hate her,” Shiro said bluntly. 

They were in Shiro’s room after having snuck down there from their common rooms. Shiro’s room was now much less bare than the day before. His clothes were packed away into his closet, the cupboards were filled with books and on one wall was a floor to ceiling conspiracy corkboard ready to be used. At the head of the bed was a banner displaying the Voltron V and all five colours. 

“Same,” Pidge growled. 

“She pulled me over because apparently I was ‘violating school dress code and bringing shame to my family and the Hogwartian name’. I just was wearing sneakers!” Lance complained.,“That and low key because I just shouted across the corridor that I should’ve taken Muggle Studies because it'll be an easy A as a muggleborn and she’s high key racist.” 

“And then we both got detention with her when I cut in to defend him,” Hunk added, “Thank God McGonagall stepped in and straight up told her that so long as the shoes we were wearing were comfortable and covered our entire foot the school didn't care what we wore.” 

“Okay, okay, we get it, Umbridge is a bitch, we can all talk about how much we hate Umbridge after we discuss our game plan for the loop, kapishe?” Keith said and surveyed the room for any disagreements.

There were none. 

“See, this is the reason why Shiro is always asking you to lead Voltron,” Lance said. 

“NOT now Lance,” Keith said through gritted teeth with barely restrained exasperation. “Anyway, we have some planning to do.” He moved over to the empty conspiracy cork board and pinned a few pieces of paper on it. “This is the things we need to worry about as of now,” he explained. 

First he hung up a map of Britain. Then he put pins on where you could find the seven horcruxes then connected them with red string to the ‘VOLDERMORT’ piece of paper. 

Finally, he pinned a partially singed pink paper with Umbridge written on it. No idea what the paper went through though. Pidge probably got her hands on it before Keith could snatch it back. 

“Anything else I missed?” he asked, turning back to them with his arms akimbo. 

“Yeah, what are we gonna do about the Order of Phoenix?” Lance contributed. 

“Oh man! I forgot about that,” Hunk said, “And what about Dumbledore then?” 

“We can worry about them later,” Shiro said, “What’s more important now is to find and destroy the Horcruxes. I think at this point Dumbledore hasn't made any moves on them so the ring should still be in the Riddle House. I’ll apparate there this upcoming weekend and get it.” 

“We would need to either learn to cast Fiendfyre or go down into the Chamber of Secrets and get a basilisk fang,” Hunk said, “Or get the Sword of Gryffindor from Dumbledore’s office which I highly recommend we not because it's stupid and dumb and if we get caught we’d have to answer SO many questions.” 

“....”

“No.”

“....”

“NO.”

Too late Pidge and Lance was already halfway broken into Dumbledore’s office. 

“NOOOOOOOOO.” 

The bird that could be seen perched on a tree branch from Shiro’s window looked up from grooming its feathers before promptly going back to it again. 

\-----

Lance and Pidge were on their way out of the office with the sword in hand when they spotted Dumbledore. More they they spotted each other really. 

Dumbledore was in a nice pair of socks. 

And by socks, I mean a garter belt.

A nice pair of black garter belts.

The three of them stood frozen, staring at each other in mortification. 

\----- 

“And then Dumbledore just let us borrow the sword AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED,” Lance said, eyes daring anyone to ask what happened. Behind him was Pidge cracking her knuckles. 

“Okaaaaay....” Keith said but accepted the sword from them anyway. “Wonder why he didn't ask why you needed it, though.” 

“ _ Don't, _ ” Pidge held her finger against his lips, killing intent pouring from her like a waterfall. Keith, unfazed by her murderous aura, just looked fondly exasperated as he silently nodded his head. 

\----- 

The following Tuesday had the sky clouded over with light grey clouds during lunch as Lance and Hunk sat in the courtyard eating sandwiches. 

Other students were also lounging about eating or just chatting with their friends. It was a very typical school scene. 

Suddenly Pidge’s voice thundered across the courtyard, “HELLO KEITH MY FRIEND I AM HANGING OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE I AM YOUR FRIEND." 

And from the other side of the courtyard was Keith himself. “HELLO PIDGE MY FRIEND I AM SPENDING TIME WITH YOU BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS AND THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO,” he yelled. (Note: please read Keith’s dialogue in the “it's meeeee keeeiiith I am your paaaalaaaadiiiin” voice) 

The two of them were marching towards each other with the determination of opponents ready for a fight, meeting right in the center where Lance and Hunk were eating, giving them the perfect view of the spectacle. 

"YES LET US ENGAGE IN A TOTALLY PLATONIC HUG BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS," Keith said loudly and the two of them proceeded to have an awkward hug. 

They managed to gather themselves a substantial crowd while they continued to declare their everlasting friendship to each other. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley themselves popped their heads over the window ledge Lance and Hunk were casually eating under. 

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Ron gaped. 

Lance glanced up at them and shrugged, “Dunno.”

“Same.” Hunk nodded, “though I can make an educated guess.” 

“And what is that?” Harry asked. 

“Well, Keith’s a Gryffindor right?”

“Yes?” Harry sounded very unclear on where this was going. 

“And Pidge over there is a Slytherin,” Hunk gestured to where Keith was now presenting a box of peanut butter chocolates as a ‘token of friendship’. 

“Ooooooh!” Ron exclaimed, getting it, “Wait, the two of them want everyone to know they’re friends?!” He sounded almost disgusted. “Why would Keith want to be friends with a Slytherin of all people?” 

“Hey, she’s our friend too!” Lance admonished. 

“Riiiight,” Harry said, sounding entirely unconvinced. 

“See, this is the reason why Keith and Pidge are loudly and obnoxiously declaring their friendship,” Hunk said. 

“He does make a good point,” Hermione interjected, popping her head out beside Ron, taking him by surprise and almost causing him to stumble and fall off the ledge. 

Ron had a hand clutched to his chest. “Don't scare me like that Hermione!” 

“Sure,” she rolled her eyes, “This really goes to show exactly how observant you are. In any case, I think it's sweet that those two are willing to go the extra mile for their friendship.” 

“But she's a Slytherin!” Harry said.

“So?” Hunk challenged defensively, “Pidge is great!”

“You can't blame us for being cautious, how many Slytherins do you know who are nice?” 

“Pidge,” Lance and Hunk chorused automatically. 

\----- 

“Pidge how do you have a smartphone?” Lance gasped and grabbed Pidge’s hand, staring in wonder at the sleek rectangle of technological wonder, “We're at Hogwarts! And It's 1995!” 

“Lance, aliens had has even more advanced technology thousands of years before humanity even discovered FIRE. Hunk and I are engineering and technological geniuses so if they can do it, then so can we,” Pidge said flatly and yanked her arm back, “And about the whole Hogwarts’ magics disrupting technology because magic, I asked Colin Creevey about what he used to get his camera working within school grounds. Easy peasy.” 

“...I want one.”

“Sure, right after Hunk and I finish his and Keith’s. 

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (11) 

Keith was last to turn up to their little recording session but he had to say, the instruments that Hunk and Pidge managed to make from scratch were truly impressive. 

He had to admit that he did miss playing the bass just a little. After the band loop they did not really play anymore and they never found an opportunity to play what with other loopdeeloop shenanigans occupying their time. Now that Lance randomly asked them to record a few songs because ‘the radio music on Altea sucks’, they finally got the band back together. 

Keith did some scales on his new bass. He was a little rusty but nothing a little warm up could not fix. 

“Everyone ready?” Lance asked as the sound of tuning instruments died down. 

A chorus of slightly enthusiastic ‘yeah’s answered him. 

Lance began the beginning chords of a long memorised song. Everyone immediately perked up. 

Shiro groaned, “Lance no.” 

“Lance YES,” the rest of the team yelled. 

Shiro shook his head affectionately and began singing,  _ “No chance no way, I won't say I'm in love~”  _

“ _ YOU SWOON YOU SIGH WHY DENY IT OH OOH~”  _ everyone sang the backup with much overflowing enthusiasm and barely suppressed giggles. 

\----- 

Allura had begun to look over her shoulder when she walked around now, she never knew when one of the five would pop out and drag her somewhere. 

So in her heightened alerted state she was very quickly able to pick up muffled from down the corridor. Curious, she followed the sound and came up at a door. It was one of their smaller auditoriums for hosting small gatherings or meetings. 

The door was slightly ajar so she took a peek, inside she was, speak of the devil, the five of them. They were playing strange instruments that Allura had never seen before and trust me, she has travelled galaxies with her father and she has never seen instruments looking exactly like those. 

_ “My head is screaming ‘get a grip boy’, unless you're dying to cry your heart out~!”  _ Shiro sang passionately. 

“ _ Boy, you can't deny it, who you are and how you're feeling, baby we're not buying,”  _ the rest of them sang in unison. 

Allura covered her mouth to prevent herself from letting out a squeak. Her translator blinking to life indicated that it was translating a new language but that was not what got her attention. 

Shiro was singing about denying his feelings about someone. Holy quiznack he DOES have a crush on Zarkon! I mean, she already suspected but this confirms it! 

Oh poor Shiro, he was probably hurt before so that was why he was so shy in approaching Zarkon now! But the rest of the five had a crush on Shiro too, but they were urging him to admit his feelings? 

Oh! They were probably thinking ‘as long as the person I love is happy, I'm happy’. Oooh, those poor sweethearts! 

Well! If there was one thing Allura enjoyed, it was a good and happy relationship. She was determined to get Shiro and Zarkon together if it was the last thing she would do. 

* * *

Loop 155 FOOD SHIP (6) 

Setup for the food ship was almost finished. Now all they needed to do was to prepare the food. They parked the ship on the roadside of a flea market going on in a corner of a very watery planet. 

The planet was 90% water, the inhabitants were beautiful mermaid-like people with gills and fins. They spent most of their lives underwater only surfacing to trade on the small trading centres and small time flea markets set up on the little bits of land they had. 

It was very early morning and Lance was outside enjoying himself. He leant against the side of the ship with his eyes closed and breathing in the salty air, feeling the breeze against his skin. 

Hunk was right next to him mirroring his laid back posture. His shoulders brushing against Lance’s. 

It was relaxing and beautiful. Lance leant his head on Hunk’s shoulder and let out a content sigh. 

It was the equivalent of five am there so there were not many people around apart from vendor owners of other food trucks/ships like theirs. 

Inside Pidge was at work warming up the stove for the day. Shiro was on the roof fixing their banner up. 

Hunk sensed a disturbance in the force when he heard a slight rattle of pots. 

“Don't let Keith near the stove, he can set water on fire,” Hunk called. 

“It was  _ one  _ time!” Keith blushed a deep red. Pidge was having none of that bullshit and raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay maybe twice,” he admits. 

Shiro pops his head in from the sunroof, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Okay okay! Three times,” Keith bit out. 

“Sixty-eight times actually!” Hunk corrected from outside. 

“I can't help it okay! My element is fire so maybe it has something to do with that?!” 

“And mine’s water but you don't see me setting water on water.” Lance shouted. 

“That doesn't even make any sense,” Keith exclaimed. 

And though Keith was standing nowhere near it, the boiling water in the pot caught on fire. 

Pidge screamed and threw the entire pot out the store’s display window where the water splashed against the sandy ground and the fire fizzled out. 

“Make that sixty-nine,” Hunk corrected. 

“Heh sixty-nine,” Lance giggled. 

“Lance,” Keith said.

“Yes?” 

“Shut up.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 934: has anyone noticed that loop 934 is just a reference to platform 9 3/4? Ehehehe I'm lame I know. 
> 
> Loop 242: and we finally return to our Alteans. Oh Allura. 
> 
> Loop 155: I set FIYAAAAAAH to the RAAAIN


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you guys seemed to really like the last chapter! I hope that I'll be able to top that (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)
> 
> more fic recs!
> 
> [Play It Again](http://archiveofourown.org/works/862320?view_full_work=true)
> 
>  A Teen Wolf fic where Stiles ends up in another dimension after being mauled to death by Peter in his own. If you guys enjoy the reactions of people who have no idea wtf if going on to the crazy shenanigans of the paladins you'll definately enjoy this fic. This fic is like, the perfect blend of comedy, drama and slight angst. I love it to death.
> 
> [If at First You Don't Succeed...](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2455739/chapters/5443283)
> 
> An Attack on Titan time loop fic. You can practically see that I suck inspiration from the humour of this fic. It's a shame that it's only three chapters long.
> 
> You can actually see where most of my humour comes from with these fic recs lol

Loop 934 HP(5)

In general, of the whole team, Keith and Pidge are the ones that seem to rarely interact. The keyword here being _seem_. They're conspiracy bros and nobody can take that away from them. They hang out, just not loudly.

Then some assholes (coughslytherinandgryffindorassholescough) said some things and then they said some choice words and then things kind of escalated and now Keith and Pidge are permanently banned from the trophy room. That was pretty much when they decided to do the shouting thing.

After the whole loud obnoxious declaration of friendship, they seemed to aggressively hang out more. They were practically joined at the hip.

“Do you think that maybe they're a little too clingy?” Lavender asked Parvati. They were lounging around in the Gryffindor common room with some of their friends.

“Yeah, just a tad bit. I heard that Keith even followed her into the bathroom.” Said Vicky.

“Ew, that is so gross!” Parvati exclaimed.

“I don't know, I think it's kind of romantic?” Emily piped up.

“You think following a guy into a bathroom is romantic?!” Lavender screamed.

“No no! Not that! I mean, Slytherins and us, we’re like mortal enemies. Don't you think Pidge and Keith being together is so romantic? It's like forbidden love!” Emily explained.

Hermione, who had been sitting by the window next to them, rolled her eyes and snapped her book shut. She couldn't stand to hear them gossip any longer and decided to relocate somewhere less distracting.

“I thought they were just friends.” Vicky said apprehensively.

“But it would explain the lengths they go to stay together.” Parvati said thoughtfully.

“They're never seen without each other anymore! And have you seen the way Keith looks at her? They are so in love.” Emily insisted.

Come to think of it, Lavender had seen Keith sometimes smiling softly at Pidge when she wasn't looking. She pouted, “I wish someone would look at me like that.”

Seamus came down the staircase and had picked up a few snippets of their conversation. “Why are you girls gossiping about this when we have much more important things to worry about?” He asked haughtily.

“Like what?” Parvati challenged.

“Absolutely anything else?”

“Well we're just worried about Keith, this Slytherin girl might be taking advantage of him!" Vicky said. “What's wrong with looking out for a fellow Gryffindor?”

“She's not, they're in love!” Emily insisted.

“Okay, I may not like that Keith is friends with a Slytherin but I knew for sure that they're not dating.” Seamus said with crosses arms.

“And how do you know that for sure?” Emily retorted.

“Because.”

“That's not a very good reason.” Said Parvati.

“She's a _Slytherin_! What Gryffindor would date her?!” He burst out at last.

“But that's what makes it so romantic!” Emily cried. “Two young lovers forced apart by things that cannot change but try to be together by sheer force of will and the power of their love. How can you not see that?”

“And Keith only seems to smile when he's with her.” Lavender pointed out.

“And Keith gives her piggyback rides and carries her books.” Parvati said.

“You have to admit it is kinda cute.” Vicky conceded.

Seamus rolled his eyes, deciding not to dignify it with a response. Girls.

\-----

Class was over and the Arithmetics students groaned as they left the class, their bags heavier than when they'd come in.

Millicent noticed that Pidge was straggling behind, she saw that she groped around her bag and fished out a strange black rectangle. Pidge looked awfully self-satisfied with the thing.

“What is that?” Millicent asked with an upturned nose. She had promised herself to never speak with Pidge ever again after she'd become a blood traitor and befriended that mudblood Gryffindor but curiosity got the best of her.

“Oh, this? This is a phone”

“A phone?” That name sounded familiar. “Isn't that _Muggle_ technology?” She said disgustedly. Pidge was more of a blood traitor than she'd thought.

“Yes. Technology.” Pidge said flatly. “Muggle technology.”

“Why would you want to use that when you have magic?” Millicent sneered.

“Can your magic play any song you like anytime you like? Or contact another person immediately wherever, whenever, because if wizards can figure out to take a fireplace with you wherever you go, please tell me because then maybe I’d stop using dirty lowly muggle technology.” Pidge snapped before pressing something on her phone and a strange Muggle song began playing.

_“Never gonna give you up never gonna let you down…”_

Pidge maintained their eye contact as she slowly walked backwards out of the room. Well, not walk exactly, more like skate? She had a wheels attached to the heels of her shoes.

And as she disappeared from sight so did the strange muggle music.

_“Never gonna give, never gonna give…..”_

\-----

Shiro announced that he'd be teaching non compulsory supplementary classes on Saturdays and Sundays for O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students respectively. He urged struggling students to come drop by and even extended the invitation to the students from Umbridge’s class which Pidge and Keith quickly spread.

When Saturday rolled by, almost all of the students from Umbridge’s class came.

“Wow, this is a surprise.” Shiro said, completely unsurprised. “Well, let's go through the week’s material then, what did Umbridge go through with you?” He picked up a piece of chalk.

“NOTHING.” Pidge shouted.

Shiro sighed heavily, “Okay, we can work with that.” And with a flick of his wand the blackboard expanded to cover the entire wall. Shiro turned around, wand clenched in hand, determination burning in his eyes. “Let's get started then.”

The supplementary class was only supposed to be three hours at most but they ended up staying there for the entire day with an hour for lunch break. The next day with the N.E.W.T students was the same, Umbridge’s class coming en masse and staying until they've caught up on the week’s worth of work.

Generally supplementary classes didn't start until later in the year when exams were much closer but the students were thankful for Shiro’s insightfulness anyway.

\-----

“Professor Shirogane is a much better teacher than _Umbridge_ that's for sure.” Hermione said, biting out Umbridge’s name like it was poison. “He's actually teaching us something.”

“And not a complete bitch.” Said Ron. “Why doesn't Dumbledore just sack her already? She's useless as a teacher.”

“Yeah.” Mumbled Harry while running a thumb over his injured hand behind his back.

Suddenly Colin Creevey popped up and snapped a picture of Harry’s hand. The flash temporarily blinding them.

“Ow what the fuck Creevey?!” Ron cursed as he rubbed his eyes.

“Language!” Hermione scolded.

“Sorry, but Pidge paid me to take pictures of all the students who's been to detention with Umbridge. I'll be getting two galleons a picture and five if it's of their hands!”

“Pidge paid you? But why?” Ron asked.

“And why their hands? What did Umbridge do to you?” Hermione asked and lunged for Harry who quickly stepped away.

“It's nothing!” He lied.

“It's not nothing if Colin is being PAID to take pictures of it!” Hermione snapped and grabbed his hand, revealing the red words carved onto it.

“Oh my god.” She and Ron gasped.

“Yeah, all of the people on the list Pidge gave me has that, even if the words were different.” Colin said meekly.

“Why would Pidge want pictures of these? For her own sick pleasure?!” Ron screamed.

“No no! She's using them as evidence against Umbridge! So she'll get sacked!” Colin quickly explained.

“Ron I recognise what caused this.” Hermione tugged at his sleeve urgently. “These were made by Black Quills, they write with the user's blood and carve the words in the back of their hands! They're illegal! Why didn't you tell anyone Harry?!”

“It's not like McGonagall can do anything about it anyway.” He said defensively.

“Dumbledore then!” Ron said. “You could have told literally anyone!”

Harry didn't reply.

“I'm just going to go then…” Colin said as he scooted away.

\-----

Obviously, Umbridge was not happy that Shiro was ‘stealing her student’. And by that I mean she’s upset that they’re actually learning how to defend themselves because Fudge is a paranoid bastard.

A fight of sorts erupted in the teacher’s lounge. The fight mostly included Umbridge shouting at Shiro and Shiro pretending he was a much more patient person than he actually was.

“My class is my responsibility, I cannot have you taking them away from me.” She said.

“My supplementary classes was non compulsory, anyone could have walked in or out at any time and I wouldn't stop them. It just so happened that many of your students turned up.”

“Then maybe you should say that these classes are for your students only!”

“Think for a moment, why in the world would students who are going to take a national exam want to take extra classes? They asked to go through the whole week’s worth of work. What does that say about your teaching methods?”

“I- wh- How dare you! I am Madame Undersecretary of the Ministry of Magic how dare you speak to me like that!”

“Miss Umbridge, we are not currently employed by the Ministry of Magic so you do not rank any higher than me in any way. You're not even a senior teacher.” Shiro said flatly.

Umbridge sputtered, “b- but that is no excuse for you to speak to me so rudely!”

“I did no such thing Miss Umbridge.” Verbally anyway, Shiro mentally added. “You can ask any of the teachers here if I had been rude at all.

The rest of the teachers made no move to help her, they were just there to enjoy the spectacle. McGonagall herself was sitting with her legs crossed and sipping tea.

“Now if you’d excuse me, I have some essays to mark.” Shiro made his hasty retreat, not wanting to deal with Umbridge any longer than he has to. He nodded at the other teachers as he passed. He didn't hear the round of applause they gave him as he left.

\-----

In the Muggle town Little Hangleton, unseen by all, a dark figure suddenly appeared out of thin air just a little ways away from the forest. Voltron trash would know him as Takashi Shirogane, Black Paladin and leader of the team, however, in this universe, no one knew of Voltron so Shiro remained an unnamed and unknown man to them.

Shiro surveyed the little decrepit shack before him. It definitely had seen better days. It was completely falling apart and covered in vines. Shiro eyed the skeleton of a snake nailed to the door. What sort of person raised children here? Oh right, Marvolo Gaunt, that's who.

Shiro carefully pushed the door open and low and behold the Horcrux ring was right there on the ground. Just. Lying there. Nothing to it. Shiro stared at the ring  for an extended period of time before saying, "What the fuck."

He continued to stare at it as if waiting for something to happen. He knew that Voldemort just threw it on the ground but this was just ridiculous!

When he returned to his room back at Hogwarts he found Pidge reading on his bed.

Glancing up from her book she asked, "How was it?"

"It was easy.  _Too_ easy. I'm thinking that either Voldemort is really dumb or something is now out to kill me. Probably the latter because getting a Horcrux should not be that easy."

"Nah, the ring has a curse on it." Pidge waved her hand dismissively.

"What curse?" Asked Shiro, sounding a little worried. It has been a few hundred loops since he'd seen the movies and he's never actually gotten around to reading the books.

"You'll die if you put it on." Pidge said nonchalantly

"So what if I _don't_ put it on?"

"...... Nothing???"

"Alright let's destroy it now." Shiro said, moving to where the Sword of Gryffindor was lying on the table, "I'm getting paranoid.  What if the ring magically ends up on my finger when I sleep?" 

"Shiro, don't be stupid." Pidge said, bookmarking her page with her finger before moving over to watch the ring get destroyed.

"I'm not stupid, I'm dad."

"OHMYGOD FUCK YOU."

* * *

Loop 205 (1)

Recently there has been a new youtube account going by the name of Team Voltron has been steadily gaining in popularity, they posted anything from beauty tips to gaming to vlogs to how-to videos. It is run by five people all of whom had been written off as dead by the Garrison.

The Garrison themselves has remained tight-lipped on the matter.

Now, the videos they posted themselves were nothing special. They were the typical run of the mill videos you'd see anywhere on youtube, however, according to the YouTubers themselves, all of the videos were set in an alien spaceship far from earth. Many have written them off as fake af but conceded that the effects were kinda cool. Because there was no way that you'd be able to connect to wifi from space after all.

One of their videos was titled, ‘The Blue One: Getting the Red One to wash his face’.

The video started with Lance, dubbed ‘the Blue One’ by their fans, waving at the camera. He appeared to be in some sort of Sci-Fi lounge room with the vast emptiness of space as his background.

“Hey, guys! The Blue One here, aka Lance, aka the best one, aka the most handsomest one, aka I should really stop, ANYWAY,

“To my family who might be watching, I am safe, I am alive, don't believe anything the Garrison tells you!

“Now with my usual spiel out of the way, today in this video I have a special treat for you all! I have finally gotten Keith to appear in one of my videos! Say hi Keith!”

The camera shook as Lance turned it to face Keith who was sitting on the sofa cleaning a knife. “Hi, Keith.” Keith said, not even looking up, the little shit.

The scene cuts to what appears to be the bathroom. The camera is placed on the sink facing the mirror so it can see Lance and Keith standing there.

“So today we’ll be getting Keith to do my usual morning facial routine,” Lance explained. “I’ll link the video explaining my full routine in the description down below.”

“Joy.” Keith deadpanned.

“So,” Lance began. “We’ll be needing all of this.” He slid hundreds of bottles from offscreen to Keith.

Keith stared down at the many many colourful bottles. “What.”

“Just kidding!” Lance laughed, “You just need this, this, this, and this.” he picked out each bottle and placed them into Keith’s hands.

Keith picked a random one and read the label, “Poppy Austin Rose Water, Lance why do you need a rose water spray?”

“It hydrates the face, Keith.”

“But why?”

“Keith, it is truly a wonder that your face isn't a pimply mess right now.”

\-----

“Don't rub so hard! This face belongs to you, not your enemy!” Lance scolded.

Keith stared him dead in the eye, his face covered in white crummy suds. “What if I am my own enemy.” he said.

Lance smacked him on the head. “No self-depreciation this early in the morning.”

“It’s not morning until I sleep and wake up again.”

“..... you need to sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak.”

“And you are very weak.” Lance said.

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (5)

After the tears and the laughter that is expected after the reuniting of her family, Pidge sat Matt down to interrogate him about what exactly happened to the Galra Empire.

The lounge where they were all seated was spatious and much better lit than the other parts of the castle? Mansion? Galra White House? Eh who knows.

"It's not an empire anymore, it's a republic." Matt corrected.

"Yeah, whatever, how the heck did you manage to do this anyway?"

"Well, the Galra kind of just... assumed I was a therapist and I just listened to their problems? And then I somehow managed to convince them to hold a strike. After that, Zarkon was overthrown and they voted that they wanted me to be the president so here I am." Matt explained.

Pidge was silent for a moment. "Aren't you a little young to be president?"

"Aren't you a little young to be in space." Matt shot back. Ah right, she's only barely eighteen right now.

"Touché."

"So what are you planning on doing now?"

"Well I'm going to have to get all the Galra troops to withdraw from all colonies asap and stop production of war ships and weapons." Matt rubbed his temples, "then I'll have to worry about creating jobs for all of these newly jobless Galra."

"It's a good thing you paid attention in social studies then." Pidge joked. "Hey Shiro, what were you doing during that strike anyway?"

"Drunk." He said bluntly.

"Yeeeaaaaah when Shiro was released from his cell the first thing he did, after making sure that dad and I were alright, was to make a beeline to the wine cellar and drank all of Zarkon's alien wine." Matt said, scratching his cheek.

"I didn't even know that the Galra had alcohol much less wine!" Sam pipped up.

Instead is looking horrified or vaguely amused like they'd expect her to, Pidge looked irritated. Come to think of it, all of the cadets that came with her looked angry as well.

"You drank all of the Galra wine? ALL of it?!" She yelled as she stomped over to Shiro. 

"How dare you." Keith hissed.

"Why dude why? I thought we were friends!" Lance cried.

"I'd say I'm surprised but then I'm not so..." Hunk said.

"Um, what's going on?" Sarah whispered to her husband.

"Your guess is as good as mine." He replied.

"Galra wine is like fuckin ambrosia okay," Pidge explained.

"Katie, language." Sam said.

"Like Galra alcohol is like the the tastiest thing ever," Pidge went on as if she hadn't heard him, "And Zarkon's stash is like the  _best_ of the best  _and_ _I cannot believe that Shiro drank all of it without us."_ She directed the last bit to Shiro, who acted as if he couldn't feel four pairs of eyes boring holes into his skull.

"Wait, Katie, since when do you drink?" Matt asked, "Last I checked you could barely stomach a sip of beer!"

"A lot can change in a year." Pidge said with her arms crossed.

"Yes.  _A lot._ Like getting expelled from the Garrison and then hacking into their records to get back in masquerading as a boy," Sarah said bluntly, "Without ever telling me."

"Katie!" Sam yelled, completely and utterly shocked that his well behaved girl would do such a thing, "You are in so much trouble young lady!"

" _Muuuum!"_ Pidge whined, "Why did you have to tell them that?!"

"I have a responsibility as your mother to tell things to your father." She said cooly.

"But I just reunited us!"

"Yes, but you also broke into confidential records and didn't tell me."

"But the Garrison are dicks and they lied to us!" Pidge exclaimed.

"I know."

"Wait, what?"

"I know that they're lying bastards and should all rot in hell."

"Then why am I in trouble?"

"Because you didn't tell me your plans. I could've helped cover for you." Sarah explained.

Everyone stared at her in shock. "What, you didn't think you got your deviousness from your father now did you?" She asked.

"Holy shit your mum is so cool." Lance whispered in awe.

* * *

Loop 205 YOUTUBE (2)

Team Voltron uploaded a new video titled, "The Green One: vlogging from the vents"

"Hey guys, Pidge here." Pidge waved at the camera but her expression grew serious, "To my mum to might be watching this, we've found dad and Matt and they're on an escape pod back to Earth. Do  _NOT_ let the Garrison get their hands on them." Suddenly she brightened up again. "Now with that out of the way, today we'll be finding out exactly why the fuck Lance takes so long to get up in the morning."

She turned the camera away from her to face the wall. "This here." She explained, zooming into a grey metal grate, "is the castle's air vent."

"I've traversed the vents before but that was when I was being chased by killer robots, anyway! I have discovered that the vents are very good at spying on people."

She pulled the grate off and crawled into it. "The vents are surprisingly spacious and clean, one would think that it'll be full of dust after sitting on a planet for ten thousand years but hey, it's an alien warship what do I know?"

She passed a grate and pushed the camera right to it, allowing it to see the room below. "Look at Keith, this man-child, sleeping with fully clothed with gloves and his shoes on. Disgusting." She said but then quickly moved on.

She reached a crossroad and pointed the camera down one end. "This leads to the Princess' room but I'm not going there because I actually respect her privacy." She said, "Everyone else, on the other hand, is fair game."

"Oh and this is Shiro's room!" She pushed the camera to peer into his room. Shiro was sitting on his bed looking at his Galra arm with deep concentration.

The Lights in the room was dim as Shiro was sitting on his bed looking at his Galra arm with deep concentration and mumbling under his breath. "I really need to wank right now but who knows what could happen to my dick with this alien arm."

"OOOOOOOOOkaaaaay moving on!" Pidge said hurriedly, fleeing the scene.

"Oh and finally! We've reached Lance's roo-"

The video cuts to Pidge in the Lion's hangar with the Green Lion in the background. "Yeah, had to edit that out because Lance is nasty af and there is no way I can put that on YouTube without it being flagged for mature content." She grimaced. "What the fack is wrong with my teammates.

"Anyway, that's all the time I've got for this video, see you all next time buh-bye!"

* * *

Loop 311 GALRA-ALTEAN SWITCH(2)

Sincline  compared to Allura from the Default Loop, was a completely different kind of leader. He was more childish? Is that the right word? Let's just go with that. He's childish.

While Allura could be a total hardass and make them train until they dropped dead, especially in the beginning, she did eventually mellow out. Finally figuring out that while humans were resilient, they were also very squishy. Very very squishy.

Sincline, however, didn't seem to get the memo.

"All of you are useless! Get back up and fight me!" He growled. Also unlike Allura, Sincline enjoyed being personally involved in their training.

"I hate that our bodies revert back whenever we start a new loop." Pidge coughed weakly, her chest was sore and her legs trembled trying to support her weight.

Their fighting instincts and experience carries over from previous loops but muscles and muscle memories and stamina, unfortunately, does not. Tough luck.

"If I was in top shape I could wipe the floor with him." Keith wheezed. 

"Shut up. Everything hurts." Lance croaked from where he was laying on the ground. 

"I think my hair hurts, is that possible?" Hunk groaned. 

"Prince Sincline, I think my team needs a break." Shiro said, looking barely winded. The rest of the team mentally cursed him. As if sensing their brain waves Shiro shot them a 'I was captured by aliens and forced to fight to the death constantly for a whole year what can you do?' with a nonchalant shrug. 

"Break? What break? This is barely enough to wind a newborn kit!" Sincline bellowed as pointed his staff at Shiro's nose. "Alfor will not stop and wait for you to catch your breath! You need to get up.  _Now."_

"How about no." Lance lifted his head up to speak, "I'm just gonna lie here and catch my breath." and with that he allowed his head to fall back with a soft thud.

"I agree with Lance. I'm not going to move until we get some sleep and maybe some food." Keith agreed, Hunk nodding his head vigorously in the background.

"Get up." Sincline growled.

"No." the paladins chorused.

"Get up."

"NO."

"GET  _UP._ "

"NO!"

Sincline let out a yell in frustration and stormed out of the training room.

"Well guys," Shiro said, "It looks like we've finally gotten the afternoon off. Anyone up for a lap in the pool?" but when he turned he was greeted by the sight of all four of them just collapsed on the ground.

"No." they all said stubbornly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loop 205: this was inspired by this [prompt](https://voltron-kink.dreamwidth.org/1161.html?thread=339337#cmt339337) on Voltron kink. Yes, I browse there and, yes I am a filthy sinner. If I write a smut fic would anyone be interested?
> 
> Loop 934: Keith and Pidge is my rare pair also the dad joke curtsey of my friend Fanggal who made me walk right into it fack u man


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, when I first started out this fic I was scared to write two people do anything more than kissing and here I am, getting ready to write a shklance smut fic. What is my life.
> 
> Anyway, I will be having the team do a reading your comments video in the next YouTube loop! You can leave a comment or question for them to answer under a fake username or your actual one whatever! Wall? What wall? What is this fourth wall that you speak of?

Team Volton’s review blog

Planet: Koppai

This planet’s inhabitants are small. They are like so small man! They're just about as tall as a strawberry! They are so cute! But guess what, small people means small toilets.

[a picture of a Koppaian toilet with Pidge’s hand right next to it for comparison. It was barely taller than her pinky finger.]

Nobody dared to use it.

Except for Lance.

I don't know whether if I should commend him for being so determined or smack him for being so stupid.

Because seriously, he was in there for hours just flushing. I'm also pretty sure he clogged their pipes and drains for about a hundred years.

I give it a 2 out of five Green Lions.

10/10 would shit again -Lance

Please don't -Hunk

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (12)

Zarkon was sitting in the lounge reading the news on his holopad when the Princess approached him.

“Hello, Princess.” He greeted her.

“Hello, Zarkon!” Her voice was strangely high pitched as she sat next to him.

They lapsed into silence. Zarkon shifted awkwardly in his seat as the Princess stared at him expectantly. Allura was a trusted comrade’s daughter but he never really spoke with her all that much. Come to think of it, apart from Shirogane and his friends, no one has really approached him unless it was for official Paladin business anymore. What, were they intimidated by him?

“Erm, is there anything I can help you with?” He asked.

“Soooo Zarkon.” Allura began, her eyes shining with something he couldn't identify. “I see that you're spending more time with the guard captain Shiro these days.”

“Yes, he's a very capable fighter. Almost about as determined as a Galra soldier.” He replied. Shirogane was an excellent if unconventional fighter. He was a good leader and had a strong bond with his friends, he could have been molded into an excellent Black Paladin.

Allura clasped her hand and let out an excited squeak, that was high praise coming from a Galra! “And how do you feel about Shiro himself, like, do you think he's attractive?”

Now Zarkon really didn't know where she was going with this. “He's… aesthetically pleasing for an Altean man.” He said after some hesitation, “Princess why are you asking me this?”

The Princess, however, looked extremely pleased with herself. “It's nothing Zarkon, I'm glad we had this talk.” She smiled as she stood to leave.

Zarkon continued to stare after her long after she'd left and ended up staring blankly at the closed door. What was that all about?

Why would the Princess suddenly so interested in Captain Shiro? Unless… nah it couldn't be. Could it?

\-----

Lance stared at her for a long while, not moving a muscle, as if assessing the outfit took so much higher brain capacity that it locked out all his other bodily functions. He had his arms crossed and a hand on his chin. He tilted his head one way, then the other, his frown deepening further.

He was thinking so hard that smoke was pouring out of his ears. A quantum supercomputer couldn't compute how much brain power he was using right now. And then suddenly, he deflated. “Nope, nuh-uh. Not even the Princess’ powers can make that look good.” He sighed.

Allura had long learned not to question Lance about his eccentricities. As strange as he may be he knew his stuff so she trusted him with her wardrobe, maybe not with her life but with Lance she'd know that she'd at least go down looking fabulous.

Currently, he had her wearing socks with strange shoes made of a smooth nonabsorbent material with holes punched into the top.

“It's too bad,” Lance sighed. “I could put you in a barrel and you'd still be able to pull off the look but Crocs and socks? No way.” He heaved a very disappointed sigh.

“I don't understand.” She said.

“Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.” Lance assured her as he handed her shoes back. “Thanks for modelling for me again, I know you're busy doing royal princess stuff.”

“Not at all.” She smiled, quickly slipping her shoes on. “Hey, Lance I have some things to ask you.”

He was neatly folding the clothes on his work table and making small notes on his holopad. “Hm?”

“So I have this friend who is deeply in love with another person but the other person may or may not be interested in them, how do you think I should set them up?”

Lance tapped his stylus pen on his lip. “Experience tells me that you should let things run its course and let them figure things out themselves.” He said wisely and Allura deflated a little.

“But where's the fun in that?!” He laughed, “I suggest locking them in a broom closet. It's a classic but don't do it too soon, wait until their UST is so thick you can almost cut it.”

“UST?”

“Unresolved Sexual Tension.” He explained. “You might also want to ask what this person your friend likes what sort of things they enjoy like maybe a particular brand of a kind of food, common ground and all that stuff. Or maybe invite them both out and try to get them to interact a little more.”

Allura nodded vigorously, mind whirring with the possibilities and planning on the execution. Lance just smiled at the innocent and enthusiastic Allura, the war definitely change her, though this nosey gossipy side of her did shine through once and awhile.

“Thanks for the advice Lance, I think I know what to do now!” She thanked him as she rushed out.

“Hmm I wonder what that's all about.” Lance asked the air while his assistants stare at him like he's the densest idiot in the universe.

* * *

Loop 934 HP(6)

When the Gryffindor fourth years strolled into Professor Shirogane’s class one morning they were greeted by the sight of hundreds of purple pixie-like creatures swarming in an elegant gold birdcage on Shiro’s desk.

They were deep royal purple and upon closer inspection, had fur and bat-like ears. They were quiet, as if waiting for something and their yellow eyes followed after the students as they walked past, deeply unnerving them.

“Morning class!” Shiro greeted them cheerfully.

“Professor, what is that?” Ginny asked.

“I'm glad you asked Miss Weasley, these are a newly discovered species of pixies I found while I was exploring in the mountains this year.” He explained, patting the top of the cage.

“These are what I call Galra Pixies. They fly like wasps and sting like them too. Avoid their claws if you can help it.” He carefully opened the cage and stuck his prosthetic hand it to pulled one out.

“Words can't describe the combination of incredibly annoying and very dangerous these pixies are if they could take over the universe they would.” He cast Immobulus on the squirming thing and it immediately froze up. Apart from the occasional eye twitch, the little pixie looked like a doll.

He handed it to a Ravenclaw boy sitting in the front who looked squeamish and leaned away from the pixie in his hands. “Pass it around class but be careful, like bees, if you harm a Galra too close to it's swarm, it will release a pheromone which will alert the rest of the swarm and they will chase you up to 2 kilometres, destroying everything in sight.” Shiro warned.

“It's worse if you try to hurt the leader of the swarm. I call this swarm’s leader Emperor Zarkon.”

The Ravenclaw boy turned pale and quickly loaded off the pixie to the girl next to him who started to look panicked.

“Now since you aren't taking any national exams I get to dictate the curriculum as I please _-this is a bad idea because if Dumbledore hires an incompetent or crazy person you all are basically screwed for the year_ -” He muttered the last bit under his breath which the students caught anyway, “You guys get one of the first wizards and witches to learn about and how to handle these purple menaces!”

Ginny and her friend looked at each other and then back at Professor Shiro, then to the little Galra pixie being passed around. “I thought that this was a new species how do you know so much about them already?” Another student asked.

“Experience.” He replied flatly. “How else do you think I lost this arm?”

The Gryffindor boy that currently had the Galra pixie let out a girlish screech and dropped it like it was hot cakes.

Chaos erupted from the class as students scrambled to get as far as they could from the immobilised pixie, plastering themselves against the walls.

“Just kidding! Just kidding!” Shiro laughed as he scooped up the poor pixie. “But seriously, do NOT underestimate these creatures. Now, pair up we’ll be practising the Freezing Charm Immobulus.

\-----

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff.

Long ago, the Potions Master and his students existed in semi-harmony, and then everything changed when the Red Paladin that Looped into the universe attacked. Only the Chosen One- no wait, hmm nope, nothing can help them now.

All they had to do was to make a simple relaxation potion, the Draught of Peace. A common O.W.L. practical assignment. The keith from this universe was fairly average at potions, he easily scoring an Acceptable in potions even if he didn't study. Keith was hoping on relying on these Loop Memories to get by in his studies but no, the one other ability that ever carries over in the loops still applies. And that ability is the ability to burn water.

The potion in the cauldron erupted in flames. Keith yelped and quickly cast Aquamenti, a spout of water sprouted from the tip of his wand (wow that sounds like a euphemism right there) and doused the flames.

“Mr Song what is the meaning of this?” Snape growled. “ Pathetic. Again.” he waved his wand over his cauldron made the sizzling mess disappear.

And he did. Thirteen times. And with each time the explosion got bigger and bigger and bigger. At one point he somehow managed to cause all the potions within a two-metre radius to simultaneously explode. And with each progressive explosion Snape’s expression got darker and darker.

On the fourteenth try, Snape stood right in front of Keith practically breathing over his neck as he worked on the potion. So obviously when he was bent over it exploded in his face.

Harry and Ron suppressed sniggers at Snape’s soot covered face. Snape shook with barely repressed anger. “Hundred points from Gryffindor and fifty a piece for Mr Potter and Mr Weasley.” He barked. “I have never in all my years seen a student so irrevocably terrible at potions that a brain dead first year could make one better than you, I believe even Mr Longbottom hasn't failed as miserably compared to you!”

The potion, if you could call it that, in the cauldron between them let out a puff of flames, singeing the tips of Snape’s hair.

Snape’s face turned beet red from repressing the unholy urge to kill another student apart from Potter. “Get out.” He hissed.

Keith didn't need to be told twice.

And that was how he was banned from ever taking potions ever again! Snape even sent a letter excusing him from the national exams, there’s a fancy stamp and parchment and everything! The first ever documented case of a wizarding student being unable to take a subject due to a ‘disability’. At least that’s one less exam to worry about? 

\-----

Shirogane looked uncharacteristically flustered during lunch Delores smugly noted. He was scurrying about like an ant, talking to any teacher who had a spare moment. Of course, Delores wouldn't turn another fellow teacher away, unless he didn't beg for her forgiveness and acknowledge her superiority first of course.

But Shirogane never came to her. He talked to every professor in the Great Hall except for herself, he even declined lunch. Well, whatever he lost, it wasn't her business and she couldn't care less about it.

When she returned to her office in a completely sour mood, once again Potter was spreading lies and she was stuck dealing with childish, spoiled children. She smacked away the purple pixie that managed to get into her office and sat heavily in her chair, taking comfort in the numerous cat photos on her wall.

And suddenly, thousands of purple pixies swarmed into her office. Some broken glass on her window, some squeezed under the gaps of the door and some out right broke through the door.

She screamed bloody murder as they bit and scratched at her, hooking into her flesh with their sharp needle-like claws.

\-----

“Have you seen my Emperor Galra Pixie?” Shiro asked frantically. “It’s about this big, looks like a pixie but can fly and is much furrier than the rest.”

“Shiro, you don't have to pretend. You and I both know that you know that I know that you know where Zarkon is.” Pidge deadpanned.

“I have no idea what you're talking about Miss Holt. The Galra Pixies are very dangerous and this isn't the time to be joking around.” Shiro said, the picture of innocence and responsibility.

“Uh huh, right and we’re not in a time loop that flings us into alternate realities and hilarious hijinks ensue!”

They jerked up as a sharp shrill scream pierced the air.

“Aaaaaand there they go.” Pidge said with a growing smirk. “You better go handle that.”

* * *

Team Voltron’s review blog

Planet: Glillon C116

So uh, um… this might be a little awkward to explain.

Okay, for context the Glillonians are a race of people that are bisexual, as in they have both the ability to fertilise and give birth to young, and they… use the same opening for defecating and giving birth.

And they only defecate when they give birth. So shitting and birthing mean one and the same here. So yes, they shit out babies, literally.

Safe to say that we didn't know that until I asked them where the bathroom was. I swear, the entire city we were in threw a gigantic celebration, people were shaking my hand and congratulating me and some were even thanking the Princess for ‘choosing our planet as the place of your Paladin’s birthing’. Yeah, they didn't really give us time to explain.

So for the toilet experience itself, it was very comfortable, uncomfortably so. They placed me in this room covered in this room.

[A pictures of a circular room covered in large plush cushions of various shades of browns and a squatting toilet right in the center]

It was super awkward because the midwives kept watching and trying to ‘help me’ until I kicked them out. Safe to say they were disappointed that my shit didn't have a baby in it.

I give the experience a 3 out of 5 Green Lions, just for the nice and clean atmosphere of the toilet itself.

Thank god i held my shit in -Lance

They kept asking us who was the child’s sire, it was weird -Hunk

If you wanna be technical it'd be hunk or coran since they made her food -Lance

Never insinuate that ever again -Pidge

* * *

Loop 300 DAD SHIRO(4)

At one years old Shiro began dropping his little paladins off at a daycare. Yes, he calls them his little paladins, what of it?

“Are you sure you don't want me to just help out and babysit them?” Allura asked again for the umpteenth time.

“No Allura, I want you to be able to concentrate on your studies and apply to a college and get a diploma, which you probably won't use after you get into university and get a degree, which you probably won't use anyway but that's not the point!” Shiro's said as he strapped Hunk into his baby car seat. “The point is is that you have other obligations other than me and these four. I'm not even paying you!”

“But I want to help!” Allura insisted. “I don't mind! I'll just study when they're taking a nap! And you save money on the daycare!”

Shiro sighed. “As much as I appreciate that I can't do that to you. Besides, I need to go. It's meet the parents day today.”

Shiro climbed into the car and waved goodbye to Allura as he drove out of the lot. Allura watched as the car took a turn and disappeared.

She sighed and shouldered her backpack. She turned tail and slowly trudged her way home, kicking pebbles and rocks along the way. There was no way a guy like Shiro wouldn't have hundreds of girls fawning over him.

Beautiful, mature adult women with stable jobs that could help support him and be a mother to the four kids.

What was she thinking? There was absolutely no way in the world that Shiro of all people would be interested in a barely eighteen student like her.

\-----

Shiro's could see the look Pidge was giving him from the rear view mirror.

“Nope nuh-uh. No way.” He said. “Allura is seventeen and as much as I like her there is no way I am going to pity date her. She deserves better.” Shiro's said firmly as he stopped at a red light. He turned around and gave her a disappointed dad look.

Hunk popped his thumb into his mouth and gurgled some nonsense.

“Yeah yeah I know. We were married once but that was loops ago! Hell, I married all of you at least once and look where we are now.”

“Mama!” Keith yelled.

“No, I don't plan on just dating just anybody to give you a mother figure this loop.” He said and sat back down properly, stating the car again at the green light.

“Rura!” Lance cried excitedly.

“No.” he said firmly.

“Rura!” They all chorused.

“RURA! RURA! RURA! RURA! RURA! RURA” Shiro ignored them as they all chanted Allura’s name all the way to the daycare. Shiro's pinched the bridge of his nose. Was it too late to drop them off on somebody's doorstep? No wait, he wouldn't want to subject innocent unsuspecting civilians to this hell. Putting up with their shit it is then.

* * *

(bonus) So my friend and I did the Paladin test. 

ME  
Hey i got the green lion!

FRIEND  
Ok i did the test, i got the red lion

ME  
I guess you could say that we’re

sisters in arms

FRIEND

OH  
OMG 

ME  
I GOT YOU

FRIEND  
YOU GOT ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw my friend got her tol gay crush to do the test and she got the blue lion. Coughredbluedynamicsisthebestcough Nudge nudge wink wink. 
> 
> And here we have the return of the toilet reviews! I really had no idea what to write for them until recently lol
> 
> Loop 934: While Shiro was having a blast, Keith was too! Literally!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT. I FUCKIN DID IT. MY FIRST EVER [SMUT FIC](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8148286). There is about zero transition between the sex and the set up because I just slapped the set up in for shits and giggles 
> 
> After I posted it all I could think of was: Time loop Lance looked at smut fic Lance with a vaguely impressed yet slightly disgusted expression and said, "Good job."
> 
> I'm surprised I managed to write more than 'they fucked and it was messy'. Hell, when my friend told me I needed a few good synonyms for dick the first thing I replied was 'THEN HE SUCKED HIS DINGLE DANGLE' 
> 
> Yes, I am a serious writer.

Loop 155 FOOD SHIP(7)

The day’s business wasn't too bad. They had a steady flow of customers ordering food throughout the day. The waffles was a particularly popular product on the water planet seeing as the mermaid people didn't often have many sources of sugar.

The afternoon crowd thinned out so Shiro lets Lance and Hunk run off to take a dip in the cool, pristine water with Keith in tow. So now only he and Pidge were manning the station. Pidge herself was absently surfing through the Interspace on her laptop, occasionally looking up whenever someone passed by.

Shiro was mixing up the latest batch of waffle batter when he heard an all too familiar marching rhythm. “Um, Shiro.” Pidge piped up. 

“Yeah, yeah I'm on it.” He sighed as he placed the mixing bowl on the table. With nothing but his wooden mixing spoon and a pink lacey apron with the words ‘Kiss The Cook’ printed on it, he opened the ship’s door to see Prorok and a few drones with their guns raised surrounding him.

“Give it up Champion. There’s nowhere to run.” Prorok sneered but Shiro wasn't listening, he had a finger up counting the drones.

“Ten?” he gasped.

“Yes, we have you surrounded give up now.” Prorok growled.

“ _Only_ ten?!” Shiro gasped.

“You okay there Shiro?” Pidge stuck her head out of the display window and yelled. 

“I'm fine! I can handle this!” He replied.

Prorok fumed, how dare this lowly life form underestimate him. “Drones! Seize him!” he ordered. Shiro let out a long-suffering sigh before activating his arm and charging at the drones.

He swiped left and right, easily dispatching them and even punctured a hole in one of them. He shook the remains of the hunk of metal off his hand and slowly approached Prorok. “There’s a reason why I was undefeated in the ring _sir_.” He said lowly. 

Prorok snarled and unsheathed his knife, refusing to stand down even as Shiro came nose to nose with him. Prorok’s eyes zoomed into Shiro’s hand as he moved to his pocket. Was it a gun? He moved to swing his knife was a piece of pink paper was suddenly shoved into his face. 

“We’re having a promotion right now. Why don't you stop by later with some of your crew and have some waffles? They're pretty good if I say so myself.” Shiro beamed, holding out the flyer to his face. 

“You doing okay there?!” Pidge yelled. 

Oh right, the Champion has backup and he has none. Perhaps it is time for a tactical retreat. Prorok snatched the flyer from Shiro. “Fine.” He grunted. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“And we’ll be here waiting!” Shiro said cheerfully as he watched Prorok disappear into the horizon.

* * *

Loop 205 YOUTUBE(3) 

Team Voltron: Reading your comments 

The video starts with all five of them in their paladin armour sitting on the lounge sofa.

“Hey, guys! Voltron Paladins here!” Hunk waved at the camera cheerfully, “If you're wondering why we're wearing this, that's because we just came back from a raid on a Galra supply ship, Anyway!

“I realised that-”

“You? I was the one that checked our Tumblr and got SO many video requests.” Pidge huffed.

“If I recall correctly I said, and I quote ‘Guys it's been a few days since we've uploaded anything maybe we should work on something.’ end quote.” Keith said.

“Yeah, you said that while you were high on nunvill. That doesn't count.” Lance scoffed.

“ANYWAY,” Shiro cut them off, “ _We_ haven't really posted any videos recently so _we_ decided to do a quick Reading Your Comments!” He glared at the four of them, challenging them to correct him.

Pidge coughed, “Okay first up we have a comment from Uzumaki Naru….to….” She seemed to choke on her own spit to stop herself from laughing. “It says ‘your so cute’.” She seemed to choke on hair and collapse on the sofa. She choked a gasp sounding like ‘ohmygodfuckingweebs’ and clutched her sides.

Hunk rolled his eye. “It’s you’re with an apostrophe R-E,” He corrected, “but thank you for that kind compliment anyway!

Lance read the next one off his holopad, “This one from KramMary Juice says, ‘I have contacted the Garrison and the moment I mentioned you guys they immediately hung up on me’ well, KramMary, it's common knowledge that the Garrison are liars and anything they say regarding us is a lie or a coverup.

“Baconisbacon says, ‘When are you going to post a new video?’.” Hunk looked up from his holopad and stared straight into the camera as the video zoomed right into his face.

“This one says, ‘Hunk are you dating anyone right now?’.” Keith read, “I don't know, _are_ you?”

“No, I am not!” Hunk replied. “There was this brief thing with a Balmeran named Shay, though.

“Balmerans are a rock-like people what lives on and tends to a living planet, the Balmera. The Balmera produces these beautiful and powerful crystals and that's what powers this ship! But you can't take crystals willy nilly, you have to give an exchange of energy or quintessence if not practically you're just gouging out flesh out of a living animal.” He explained, the related pictures popping up as he said them.

Shiro read the next one. “This one from Molly8321 says, “OMG! HEY KATIE!! (Unless of its Pidge now srry) Remember me????? We used to hang out sometimes at yhe garrison???? How's space? Everyone was sooo worried whn u disappeared But my relly important question is, WHY U CUT YPU BEAUTIFUL HAIR :'( that's all! Have fun in space (bt dubbbbbs could u get me a date with your cute friend????)” he made himself sound enthusiastic and excited as he read the question, sounding completely ridiculous.

Everyone turned to look at Pidge who stared at the camera blankly. “Um…. who?”

Keith tried to elbow her in the arm but ended up elbowing her in the boob because she was sitting on the floor. “Ow!” She hissed.

“ _Molly?_ Remember?” He prompted  her.

She stared blankly at him until realisation dawned her. “OOOOooooh! MOLLY!” She gasped. “Yeah that girl who wouldn't shut up about how ‘dark and mysterious’ Keith is.”

Lance burst out laughing, “This guy? No way.” He flung an arm around Keith's neck and pulled his cheek. “He's about as dark and mysterious as the sun.”

“And this guy? Cute?” Pidge scoffed.

The scene cuts to a grainy video in the castle hallway. The lights were dim, signifying that it was early morning. Keith walked out of his room in his Red Lion pyjamas, the red slippers snugly on his feet.

Keith yawned and stretched, scratching his butt and smacking his lips. His hair was a gigantic tangled mess and there was some drool on his face. He stuck his pinky finger into his nose and dug out a booger before taking a sniff at it and flicking it away.

It cuts back to the paladins in the lounge. “Yeeeah he's really not that cute.” Pidge said. “And to answer your question, I cut my hair because after the Kerberos mission I was kicked out do the Garrison for breaking into Iverson’s office so I disguised myself as a boy and re-enrolled into the Garrison to get more info.”

“Shipper4l1f3 says,” Keith read aloud, “Dear Voltron, or Paladins or whatever you call your selves, From least to most, whose ass would you tap?? This is a very important question that needs to be answered!! (Also what does that green goop stuff taste like??????)”

“Shiro.” Everyone said at the same time. Shiro himself just blushed a pretty pink colour and buried his face in his hands.

“Also food goop tastes like ass.” Lance said.

“You would know.” Pidge said, waggling her eyebrows.

Lance shot her an unamused glare, “Shut up Pidge.”

“This next one from Sendak, I'm assuming this just another human and not the purple chinchilla that tried to kill us multiple times, sends ‘Dear Green Paladin, Why was the Blue Paladins part cut out of your latest video? I do not understand the reasoning. Also why did you not film the Yellow Paladin? Did you merely forget him?’.” Hunk put his holopad down. “Yeah Pidge why _did_ you skip me huh?”

“You sleep like a rock, nothing to see there.” Pidge said, (in actuality she _did_ forget) which everyone grudgingly nodded in agreement. “And as for why I cut the video… Lance, you wanna explain?”

“I have _no_ idea what you're talking about.” Lance lied.

“Same! MOVING ON!” Pidge picked up her holopad, “This one is from the Garrison-”

“Skip.” Shiro said.

“Pass.” Hunk dismissed

“Probably a troll account.” Keith scoffed.

“Oookay!” Pidge swiped left, “From Sheithfangurl, ‘So I keep getting into fight w/ KLance fan girls and I really need to know... PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME SHEITH IS REAL! I'M GOING TO LITERALLY DIE IF IT ISNT PLEASE?! Ps, what does Shiro look without makeup’.”

Pidge threw the two a smirk. “Well?’ She said.

Keith rolled his eye and pulled Shiro down for a kiss.

“You’re going to regret that you know.” Lance said, “Your inbox is gonna explode.”

And then for good measure Keith kissed Lance as well, easily shutting him up. Hunk pouted, “Hey don't I get a kiss?” Keith huffed a laugh and reached over to peck him on the lip.

“Now all of you will have to go down with me.” He said with a satisfied smirk.

“I am not editing that out just so you know.” Pidge warned them before turning to the camera, “Well, I’ll have to end it here before they do something that’s inappropriate for a family friendly website, we’ll see you next week on our next video. Bye!”

* * *

Loop 311 GALRA-ALTEAN SWITCH(3)

With such leader like Sincline, it was hard not to miss Allura. He had good intentions but like almost all Galra, he was stubborn and prideful.

But their reunion with this world’s Allura did not go as well as they liked.

“Oh, you do have the prettiest silver hair don't you Prince.” Allura cooed as she ran a hand through his hair.

“Okay this, this is creepy.” Hunk hissed into his com. 

In this loop, they got careless again and allowed the Alteans to infiltrate the Castleship. They did not expect the Alteans to have a particle barrier nullifying transmitter. Who knew that Altean technology could advance much more than the Galra could in ten thousand years? In any case, Hunk was in the control room with Sincline when the Alteans attacked. 

Lance, Keith and Shiro was treating the replacement Balmeran crystal so it would be compatible with the Castleship. Pidge was once again running around in the vents avoiding the Gladiators sent after her while Haggar was shouting instructions at her from outside. 

“You’re telling me?!” Pidge’s voice was breathless in his ear as she ran from the Gladiators. They were like the training ones, only more evil and much more agile much like the one that tried to kill Keith in the Default Loop.

“Don't touch me you filthy Altean!” Sincline jerked back, his glare never leaving Allura.

“How cute, the little kitty has some spark.” Allura giggles, grabbing his chin and pulling him close. “I think I might keep you.”

Hunk shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut. “This is so weird.” He whispered.

The outcome of the siege was about the same as when Sendak tried to do so in the Default Loop. Only this time they Princess Allura in the cryo pod.

“I want her ejected into space.” Sincline snapped.

“But she might have valuable information for us.” Shiro reasoned.

“I don't care. I will not have her in the castle, she’s a threat to us as long as she lives.” He said stubbornly, hugging his arms to himself.

Keith and Pidge turned and shared a look, then she scooted over to Hunk and tugged at his shirt. Hunk nodded and said, “Prince, I think maybe we should take a break for a night.”

Lance nodded, “We shouldn't make a decision with all these emotions running high.”

Sincline looked like he wanted to say something but paused when Haggar placed a hand on his shoulder. He deflated and sighed, “Fine.” Grunted, “But this isn't over.” He sent a glare at Shiro before allowing himself to be lead away by Haggar. 

The Paladins heaved a sigh and slumped against the nearest vertical surface. “This is really fuckin’ weird.” Pidge groaned, she peered up at the sleeping form of their Princess in another life, “Is this really what Allura could have been?” 

“It seems so.” Keith said sadly. 

“I don't like it.” 

The Galra tech didn't have the memory extraction technology like the Alteans did so sooner or later they’d have to release her for an interrogation.   

“Me neither.” Hunk said, “but we can't be distracted by this, Allura is our enemy now so we have to keep out guard up.” 

Shiro sighed, “I’m aware. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it.”

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN(13) 

Caelnis and Ewara were having their lunch break when Lance burst into the sewing room, hair wild and expression frantic. 

“What did you do this time?” Ewara sighed, putting down her gilgoran meat sandwich. 

“Me?! NOTHING. What makes you think I did anything?” Lance burst out. 

Caelnis and Ewara raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah okay, I'll give you that,” he conceded, “but this time this isn't my fault!” 

Ewara leaned a head against her palm. “What happened.” She said in a monotone. 

“Okay so Allura invited me to the Crystal Chasm wi-” he began but was interrupted by Caelnis’ sudden violent coughing. “Dude you okay?” 

“Allura WHAT?!” He screamed. The Crystal Cham was one of the most romantic, and not to mention expensive, restaurant in Capital City! And Allura invited Lance to go with her?! 

Lance waved his hand dismissively, “Yeah but that's not the point!” 

“NOT THE POINT?!” Ewara screeched, “You’ve been asking her out for years! YEARS! Who are you and what have you done with Lance?!” Caelnis nodding his head vigorously in agreement behind her. 

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Lance denied and steamrolled when Ewara tried to interrupt, “But the point is! She invited me to the Crystal Chasm with Zarkon and Shiro so she can try setting them up!” 

Caelnis and Ewara looked at him like he was an idiot. “So?” They said. 

“SO?!” Lance screamed, “This is Shiro! And _ZARKON!”_ He waved his arms in the air, trying to punctuate exactly why that is a bad idea but it just ended up making him look like even more of an idiot. 

“They look cute together I don't see why not.” Ewara said. 

“CUTE? NO!” Lance pulled at his hair, “Zarkon and Shiro do not go together!” 

“And why not?” Caelnis asked.

“They just DON'T!” He yelled. “You know what, I'm leaving!” 

“To where?” 

“To find some people who’ll understand me!’ Lance shouted over his shoulder as he stomped out of the workroom. The effect was ruined by the fact that the door gently slid closed behind him which frustrated him even further.

* * *

Loop 934 HP(7) 

On the first Sunday night of the school year Keith walked back and forth on the seventh floor corridor repeating that mantra ‘I need to find a room where things are hidden’ over and over in his head. And then, like magic, an iron door appeared before him. 

He grinned but it quickly faded as he opened to door to reveal thousands upon thousands of piles of random objects and knick knacks. His eyes quickly scanned the area, completely at a loss of where to begin first.

The plucked a magazine out of a random pile, the cover showed a realistic drawing of a lady in a fancy headdress stretched out on a sofa. “Ew, dirty mags from the 1930s,” Keith said as he tucked it into his robes.

He picked up random items, not entirely sure of where to really start looking and ended up randomly wading through the junk, picking up things he liked or thought might be useful along the way.

It was hours before he eventually gave up and took a leaf out of Crabbe’s book and cast Fiendfyre, burning the entire place down.

He didn't really get what was so hard in controlling the cursed flames, it came to him rather naturally. When the team decided that they needed to destroy the Horcruxes Pidge insisted that they all learned Fiendfyre just in case. 

On  last Friday after class, Shiro apparated them to a remote desert to practice. There was nothing but sand and cragged rocks as far as the eye could see. It was a total disaster.

No one could control the flames. They struggled and tried but the flames would always come back and try to burn them. The only one that had some degree of control was Shiro and that was just barely. Keith, on the other hand, had command over the flames as easily as he breathed. 

The fire morphed into lions and wolves and bears, constantly changing shapes into a more fearsome and deadly creature. Keith observed them from the door as they wreaked havoc on the Room of Hidden Things before simply leaving.

He'd have to come back later to check on the Ashwinders, ash serpents that emerged from the flames of magical fires, but that was a concern for later.

He arrived at Shiro's room smelling of soot and smoke. “The diadem’s been handled.” He announced.

“Good. Now all that's left is the cup, the necklace, Harry and Nagini.” Pidge said as he crossed out the diadem on the conspiracy board.

“So which is the easiest to get now?” Hunk asked. “They all seem pretty hard to me.”

“Harry and Nagini are out so that just leaves the cup and the necklace.” Pidge said.

“The cup is in the Lestrange vault and you know how hard that is to break into.” Shiro's sighed. “And I really don't want to deal with a dragon of all things.”

“And we don't really even know if it's there.” Hunk said, “I mean, did Voldemort give it to her during the first Wizarding war or like, in the seventh book when Harry and gang were on the run?”

That was true, the books were very vague about the when's and where's of the Horcruxes in the timeline.

“The locket it is then.” Lance clapped his hands together. “But it's in Grimmauld place how are we going to get in there?”

Keith took a seat next to Shiro who was leaning on the desk. “Ask Dumbledore?” He suggested. 

Pidge tapped her lip. “We could. But where’s the fun in that?” She grinned wickedly. 

Shiro nodded as his lips stretched into a mirror of Pidge’s. “Well guys, it looks like we have to join the Order of the Phoenix.”

\-----

The next Tuesday morning, the Daily Prophet reported that the the Ministry of Magic passes Educational Decree #23, appointing Umbridge High Inquisitor. “Oh great this thing is _still_ happening?” Lance grumbled as he violently turned the pages of the newspaper. He was sitting at the Hufflepuff table at the Great Hall, the team learned early on that the Hufflepuffs were the least judgemental about the whole sitting arrangement thing.

“Well the only things we’re changing only affects the grand scheme not trivial matters like Umbridge.” Hunk pointed out as he grabbed some toast. 

“Umbridge is _not_ a trivial matter.” Pidge snapped, pointing her chicken drumstick at Hunk’s nose. “She is a menace and the world would be a better place with her dead.” 

Lance stared at his schedule, “What classes is the toad inspecting today?” 

“Charms and Divination.” Keith and Pidge said at the same time. 

“Woah you guys are so in synch,” Hunk said in awe, “Is this an Arms thing?” 

Keith shrugged. In actuality, he and Pidge shared many of the same classes, and he’d often be reminded of every little detail about Umbridge and what she’d do. Pidge hated her so much it almost came full circle into love. A disgusting hateful love, a love to see her tortured.

“Well, I have Divination in the afternoon so that'll be interesting.” Lance hummed.

\-----

The next morning, Pidge, Hunk and Keith received some strange news. They jumped up from their seats, completely ignoring the remains of their food and raced to the Hospital Wing. “WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!” She screamed as she burst into the room. 

Madam Pomfrey glared and shushed her. “Mr Garcia is over there but please refrain from shouting.” she directed her. 

Pidge barely listened as she and Hunk flew to Lance’s bedside. He was already sitting up and on his bedside was Harry Potter.

“Heeeey Hunk… heeey Pidge, hey Keef.” He greeted them sheepishly.

“What the fuck happened?!” Keith demanded.

“Well, I kinda sorta got detention with Umbridge for questioning her qualifications as the High Inquisitor and as it turns out this Lance’s body has a really low pain tolerance who knew?” He laughed weakly.

“That _BITCH.”_ Pidge growled lowly before storming out. The air around her seemed to grow heavier with the murderous intent she was radiating.

“Um, aren't you gonna stop her?” Harry asked, a little concerned.

“Nope.” Hunk replied, watching her as she stomped out but his attention snapped back to Harry as he said, “But if there’s a body to hide later can we trust you to keep your mouth shut?”

Harry gulped, “Uh sure.”

“What are you doing here anyway?” Hunk asked him.

“Oh, we were having detention together.” Lance replied.

“And I carried him all the way here when he collapsed.” Harry added.

Keith whacked him on the head, scolding him for being so careless. Lance rubbed the sore spot and laughed sheepishly.

“How did Umbridge react?” Hunk asked. 

“Oh, I have no idea how she acted when I collapsed but when I came to she may or may not have passively aggressively threatened us so that we wouldn't tell anyone.” Harry coughed loudly and kicked Lance’s bed. 

Hunk gave Harry a flat look. To hell with his stupid pride and his ‘battle of wills’ with Umbridge. His friend collapsed from pain and the professor saw fit to _threaten_ him? But that was none of his business if Harry wanted to do this stupid shit so he turned his attention back to Lance. 

“Are you sure you're okay?” Hunk asked him. 

“I'm fine! Madam Pomfrey already patched me up see!” Lance waved his perfectly healed hand under Hunk’s nose. “She just won't let me leave yet!” 

“Yeah,” Hunk moved his hand away, “I don't really care. You should rest.”

“Fine,” Lance grumbled and flopped into the bed.

\-----

Word spread quickly that Harry hauled Lance to the Hospital Wing in the middle of Umbridge’s detention.

The misinformation and rumours got wilder and wilder, even as Lance was shown to be perfectly okay. 

“I heard that he was slashed up so badly he bled over the floor.” A Ravenclaw first year whispered to her companions. 

“I heard that Umbridge used the Cruciatus curse on him and Harry Potter hexed her to get her off him.” Her Gryffindor friend said. 

Hermione rolled her eyes at the gossiping children and quickly grabbed her book before moving on. Obviously Umbridge used the Black Quills again and Lance fainted because of them, whether it be because of blood loss or pain, it didn't matter. A student was sent to the Hospital Wing because of her and she would not stand for it. 

Hermione yelped as a head popped through the gaps of the books. “Penny for your thoughts?” Pidge asked.

“Oh, it's you.” Hermione sighed. Pidge was, well she wouldn't say friend, she was an acquaintance. She was friendly enough and didn't actively antagonise her or her friends so she was all right in her books.

“Hey there, so what's got you so deep in thought?” Pidge asked.

“I was thinking about Lance and that detention.” She replied honestly, Lance was one of Pidge’s best friends so perhaps she would know something more.

“Oh. That.” her expression seemed to harden. “What about it?”

“I know what Umbridge is using on the students during her detentions and she needs to be stopped.”

“ _Way_ ahead of you.” Pidge said and produced several photos of the bleeding hands of Umbridge’s victims. The students in the pictures cradled their hands to their chest and some had fresh tears in their eyes, it was awful.

“Pidge these are-” Hermione began, feeling a fist squeeze her heart and a pit fall into her stomach.

“Disgusting? Foul? Yes, I know.” Pidge growled, pocketing the pictures and withdrew from the bookshelf she had wedged herself into. She walked to the other side of it to speak with Hermione face to face. “This is why I’m going to send it to the Daily Prophet.”

“The Daily Prophet is under the Ministry’s control they’ll never publish an article about it.” Hermione said, “They’re still making articles about Harry being a pathological liar and an attention seeking brat.”

“Maybe, but with all these first years gossiping they’re bound to write to their parents about this. And then, angry parents will be knocking down Fudge’s door asking why his precious _High Inquisitor_ is sending students to the Hospital Wing and I will have evidence.”

“Oh,” Hermione said. “Yes that would be true but Fudge could always just ignore it until it all blew over.”

“Not unless we got the students that got sent to her detentions to speak up.” Pidge said fiercely,“Some of them has either this prideful mentality that their detentions with her was a battle of wills and if they spoke up about it they’d lose. Or they just don't talk about it out of fear.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Hermione asked.

“I'm not, but you could help me,” Pidge said, pulling out a roll of parchment from her robes. “This is a list of all the students that ever got sent for detention by Umbridge. You can try talking to them.”

“But-” Hermione protested, her social skills weren't exactly polished so to speak. 

“Or you could approach their friends. Any good friend would get them to say something. Heck, you could even ask your friends to help. You’ll do fine, I trust you.” She handed the parchment to her.

“Then what are you going to do?” Hermione asked.

“Me? I'm going to Dumbledore with these.” Pidge waved the victims’ pictures as she walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 205: special thanks to Natsumi for sending me some comments and questions! Thanks so much I really appreciate it ^__^


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which majority of the team sits down and discuss the plot thread and mysteries like good little protagonists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently I came across fanfics that reminds me of my diary from when I was 12 and it makes me feel nostalgic. And by that I mean I simultaneously want to bury myself in the ground and laugh my ass off. Hit me up on my tumblr if you want to read the fic

Loop 244 (1)

When Pidge Woke Up, the first thing she noticed was that Lance was not there with her. She blinked the haziness away and rubbed her eyes.

The teacher was still babbling away about ionic compounds or something trivial like that and all of the students around her were facing forward, pretending to pay attention.

She looked to her left where Lance usually was but instead of Lance there was another student she had never seen before. A Caucasian guy with brown hair and a plain forgettable face. She might have seen him before, she was not sure, she stopped taking note of her old classmates loops ago.

Then her loop memories hit her. Nothing much has changed. The Kerberos Mission still happened, the Garrison still claimed that the mission failed due to pilot error, she was still pretending to be a boy, she was still picking up on alien radio chatter.

The only difference was that she does not know a boy named Lance.

She searched through her loop memories, maybe a fleeting glance or maybe hearing loud chattering and bad flirting?

Nothing.

Hunk was still her engineer but her fighter pilot was another person entirely. This Pidge never even met Lance in her entire life.

This is fine, Pidge told herself, this Pidge has never even met Keith before either. Lance was probably still in the cargo pilot programme or in some other division and she just never came across him before, no big deal.

Oh, who was she kidding. She wanted to go find the others and she needed to find them now. Usually in previous loops she would at least have an idea of where her whole team was and now she had no idea where one of them was, and she hates not knowing.

She stood up, the lecture abruptly cutting off. “Mr Gunderson,” the teacher barked, “is there something you'd like to say?”

“Yes,” Pidge said, “I'm leaving.” She stuffed her things into her bag haphazardly.

The teacher sputtered, “Where do you think you're going?! Come back here!”

But Pidge did not listen and fearlessly walked out of the class, flipping the bird over her shoulder as she did.

\-----

When Shiro woke up the first thing that greeted him was, “Shiro we've got a problem.”

“Hey, guys! It's so good to see you again! How's it going? Me? I'm doing great!” he greeted them sarcastically, sitting up and cradling his head with his flesh arm.

Once again he was lying on Keith's couch with the others leaning on the walls or sitting on whatever rickety chairs Keith had available.

The others gave him an unamused glare. This must be serious. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“We don't know where Lance is,” Hunk said, “And none of the ‘us’ from this world even knows who he is.”

Pidge moved over and sat on the couch, not caring that she was sitting on his legs. “I checked the Garrison’s database and there isn't a Lance Garcia registered anywhere,” she added.

“And by checked, you mean hacked,” Keith pointed out.

Pidge waved her hand dismissively. “Semantics,” she said.

“We checked on Blue’s cave and she's still there. Probably,” Hunk informed, “We can't exactly get in without Lance.”

“There's a Galra ship heading for Earth so we need to find Lance asap,” Keith paused, “Wait a second, did we ever find out what they were coming here for?”

“I always assumed that they were after Shiro,” Pidge said as she jerked a thumb at him.

“Same,” Shiro agreed.

“I thought they were here for Blue,” Hunk said.

“Well, fuck.” Keith rubbed his forehead with the heel of his palm. “How long do we have to find Lance then?”

Pidge shook her head. “No clue,” she reluctantly admitted, “I’ll give it few weeks at most or a day at the very least.”

“Well if he never attended the Garrison where would he be then?” Shiro asked.

Hunk suddenly jerked up from his slouched position. “I might have an idea!” he exclaimed excitedly, “Lance once told me that if he wasn't so keen on being a pilot he'd be a professional surfer.”

“And how does that help?” Keith asked harshly, “In the last loop we were all children at the start but we at least came here as fast as we could.”

“Keith,” Shiro barked, an unspoken warning passed between them. Keith at least had the decency to look ashamed for shooting down Hunk like that.

Satisfied that Keith got his message, Shiro tore his eyes away from him and said, “Then something must've stopped Lance from coming here so where in the world is he?”

“Maybe he isn't looping yet,” Keith suggested, “Did everyone die a natural death?”

The paladins would loop earlier if they were killed before the others. They would all loop together at the same time if they lived out their natural lifespan. Most of the time meaning they died of old age or in some cases, illness. Death by stabbing, slashing, hanging, drowning, suffocation, flattening, bulldozing, choking, etcetera etcetera, will result in them looping earlier.

“No it can't be it, you can only loop earlier, we all Woke Up the day before Shiro's arrival as usual,” Hunk said.

Pidge hummed thoughtfully, “We could always just go to his home and ask his family where he is,” she suggested.

Shiro nodded, “That's not a bad idea. But then we'd have to somehow get all the way to the other side of the world and back here again in one day. If only we could get some sort of vehicle like a ship or a plane that we could use.”

Everyone stared at each other in silence knowingly, a slow smirk growing on their faces.

\-----

After going through so many loops fighting the Galra and infiltrating their ships, breaking into the Garrison was a walk in the park. Keith leaped into the plane as explosions went off in the background. The rest of the team was quick to follow him, piling into the back while Shiro joined him as co-pilot. They did a quick panel inspection, eyes scanning over the controls and the flipping switches here and there.

“Were the explosions really necessary?” Keith demanded as the ground shook with yet another detonation.

“Hey, you guys said we needed a diversion, never specified how,” Hunk said flippantly and high-fived Pidge.

“I am such a bad influence on you,” Pidge grinned.

Shiro rolled his eyes as they took off, the Garrison too busy trying to take care of massive property damage and fires to try and stop them.

\-----

They managed to get to their destination in once piece. They landed in an empty plain a little ways from the town to avoid drawing too much attention, meaning that they had to walk the rest of the way. The houses were built close together and felt a little cramped. Street vendors lined the streets selling items from fruits and drinks to random things such as keychains.

Pidge reminded them that that they were on a time limit. The Garrison would have already alerted the local authorities about them and would be on high alert for any unauthorised planes so they have got to make this quick.

Hunk nodded as he lead them to a familiar house, to him anyway. The Hunk from this world has never been here before. The house looks exactly the same, the same blue door, the same uneven and crooked windows, the same half broken bicycle Lance and his siblings left leaning on the tree in front of the house and never picked up ever again.

Hunk approached the pale washed out door. A nervousness washed over him. What if Lance’s mother refused to talk to them?

He hesitantly turned back to the others behind him, seeking reassurance. Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder and nodded.

Hunk took a deep breath and knocked politely, the sound crisp and clear.

Lance’s mum opened it. You could definitely see the resemblance between her and Lance. They had the same hair, same nose, same eyes, same expression when they were confused.  
“Yes?” she said.

“Yeah hi!” Hunk greeted, “I'm looking for your son Lance!”

Her eyebrows furrowed, “I don't have a son named Lance sorry.” And then she closes the door in their face.

A heavy silence fell over the team, they all stood frozen staring at the blank door. Uh okay, that was brief. Now they were completely stumped. How could Lance’s own mother not know who he was?

“Now what are we going to do?” Pidge was the first one to break the silence.

“Maybe this is a loop where Lance was never born,” Keith suggested. He did not like the idea but it was a possibility.

“No, Lance can't just straight up not exist! We have to find him!” Hunk insisted.

Shiro said nothing. As much as he liked the idea as much as the rest of them did but it was getting more and more likely that Lance was just never born.

“We should go check the library, they should have old yearbooks we can check,” Hunk said as he lead the way, “ We can even ask the locals about him, this isn't a big town, they should know who he is.”

No one was willing to do anything but go along with Hunk as he dragged them around.

They end up scouring the library for any information that could help them. From old dusty yearbooks to newspapers, anything that might mention Lance’s name.

Pidge was all for their hopeful determination but after two hours her patience was wearing thin. She had hacked into the government database hours ago and there were thousands Lance Garcias in the country and it would take her hours, if not, days to find him.

If Lance was right about them just going through alternate realities then anything is possible, including a reality where he never existed. And with every Lance Garcia that passed through her laptop screen that was not the friend she knew and loved, the frustration in her grew.

The bubbling emotions within her made her almost bite Shiro's hand off as he shook her shoulder to get her attention. “What?!” she hissed.

Shiro silently raised an arm and Pidge leant back to see what he was pointing at.

There was a girl standing between the shelves, her short brown her sticking out messily as she sluggishly trailed a finger across the spines of the books on the shelves, in her other arm were several thick tomes. She had eye bags under her eyes and she looked like she had not showered in days. Saying that she looked completely unkempt and exhausted was an understatement despite the alertness in her eyes.  
She also looked like she could be a sister of Lance's. He and his sister looked quite similar and sometimes people would mistake them for twins. But Pidge had met her and this girl standing there was not Lance's sister.

Holy shit.

“Is that-?” Pidge gasped.

“Maybe,” Shiro replied.

Multiple universes, anything was possible. A world where Lance did not exist is just as likely as one where everyone having their ‘default genders’ except him.

And judging by Hunk and Keith's expressions, they had come to the same conclusions as her.

The girl appeared to have found the book she was looking for and was heading towards the checkout station.

Hunk and Keith immediately gave chase, Shiro and Pidge not far behind.

“Hey! Lance!!” Hunk called out, the girl did not respond and continued walking right out of the library. It was not until he went right up to her and grabbed her shoulder that she noticed him.

“Uh, yes?” she jerked away from him in surprise. Immediately everyone could tell that this person had no idea who they were much less have any recollection of them spending thousands upon thousands of years together in an infinite time loop.

Maybe they were wrong, maybe this was a girl who just happened to look like Lance, after all, according to studies, there were at least two people in the world who looked like you. Shiro instantly wanted to bail out screaming ‘ABORT ABORT’ but Hunk continued to steamroll full speed ahead.

“I'm Hunk, this is Keith, Pidge and Shiro,” everyone waved as Hunk stuck his hand out towards her.

She stared at the offered hand for a second before tentatively shaking it. “Um, hi?” she said, “Maya, nice to meet you.”

“Hi Maya, I know this is sudden but we think you're this universe's version of our friend and we need you to come with us to activate a 10,000-year-old giant space cat that only you can fly so we can go out into space and save the universe from evil purple space cat/bat/chinchilla hybrids."

There was a tense silence as Maya processed this info dump before she said, "O-kay! You people have clearly lost your marbles somewhere and I should really go..."

Hunk sighed, "No, it's okay we understand."

"You do?"

"We do?!" Pidge exclaimed.

And before Pidge could say anything more, Hunk hauled her over his shoulder, the little gremlin screaming.

Keith sighed and shoved a crumpled piece of paper into Maya's hands. "Look if you need anything just contact us okay?"

Maya just stood there, shell-shocked as the larger man walked off with a screeching gremlin on his shoulder, the two other guys following not far behind. As they disappeared from sight she looked down at the paper that they gave her. An email? Who the hell even writes informal emails anymore?

And that was pretty much the last Maya ever saw of these strange people. She sighed and turned the corner into a shortcut back home. She was readjusting the strap of her bag when a hand shot out from behind her and covered her mouth with a cloth. Her muffled screams left unheard to anyone none the wiser

And that was how team Voltron straight up kidnapped a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I noticed that there has been a distinct lack of any attempted angst or drama recently so I decided to try to remedy that eheheheh. Hope nobody was bored with this.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8217187/chapters/18831394%20) gifted to me by mynameisyarra!
> 
> It's a Voltron reincarnation AU where they reincarnate into the Harry Potter universe. And unlike my loop Allura's actually remembers them. It has _so_ much potential and I love it to pieces.
> 
> Also, short chapter this time... I've been running low on creativity juices sorry   
> (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Loop 242 ALTEAN (14)

Lance was sure that this was one of, if not, _the_ worst thing that ever happened to him in his very long and extensive life. And he was just about ready to tear his hair out.

There was no way in hell that he was going to let Shiro and Zarkon go on a date without him as a buffer. No. Fucking. Way. So he had no choice but to accept Allura’s invitation to the Crystal Cavern.

Surprisingly, to his horror and utter disappointment, the rest of the team was utterly unperturbed by the news.

Pidge barely looked up from her latest Rover as she said, “Yeah? So?”

Lance's eyes bulged, “ _Shiro._ Takashi Shirogane, that Shiro! Our Shiro! _On a date_ with ZARKON!”

Hunk glanced up from his holopad, his expression passive, “It's not like he knows that it's a date, that's all Allura. Relax.”

“And Shiro's been using the ‘imply that I'm sleeping with Zarkon so I can disgust my team’ as a joke since loooooong ago,” Pidge said.

“Besides,” Keith added, “It's not like he'll _actually_ date him.”

Lance swelled up with frustration and quietly stormed out, grimly determined to protect Shiro’s virtue no matter the cost. If his friends wouldn't help him then he'll just have to do it himself even if it killed him.

He desperately needed to talk to Shiro and warn him about Allura's plans. However, the princess of Altea herself had other plans. From the moment they met up at the castle's foyer to when they arrived at the Crystal Caverns itself, Allura never once left them alone.

Never.

She was always hovering, always in the background. Watching. Waiting.

Lance was pretty cute he was going to go bald before he hit the Altean equivalent of thirty.

Keeping an eye on them also meant that he had to interact with them. And hanging out with Zarkon was fucking weird. Like, reverse pooping weird. Zarkon was nice, charming and gentlemanly which in all honesty, made his hairs stand more than hearing about how he conquered the majority of the known galaxy.

The only thing worse that Lance could think of is knowing what Zarkon’s dingle dangle looked like. Oh wait, he does. This is officially the _third_ worst thing that's ever happened in his long and extensive life.

The first was being in labour while escaping an alien race that was convinced he was the next coming of space Virgin Mary as an alien acid volcano was erupting, but that's another story entirely.

The Crystal Caverns, unlike its name implies, was not a cavern nor had it anything to do with crystals. It was just a really really fancy restaurant. A fancy restaurant with a mildly acidic waterfall flowing through it but a restaurant nevertheless.

Many Altean restaurants were simply a room with a hologram projector, displaying any sort of ambient scenery without the added discomfort of actually being outdoors such as insects or dirt and mud. Also, Altean insects can grow to be about the size of a dog from Earth so there's that.

However, the Crystal Caverns boasts an all natural setting. Which the Alteans and the tourists lapped up like ice cream on a hot summer's day.

The food was delicious, if a little (a lot) overpriced but Lance barely tasted the food as he was more concentrated on making sure that the space between Zarkon and Shiro remained at least a shoulder length apart.

Allura was also concentrating intently on the pair though for opposite reasons.

\-----

Shiro wasn't stupid.

He knew exactly what Allura was trying to do. Hell, he’s even pulled off something similar before in previous loops, only he was _way_ more subtle.

To be honest, he couldn't care less about this whole matchmaking thing. There were more important things to worry about, like figuring out if Zarkon was going to betray Voltron or not.

However.

Seeing how frantic Lance was the entire day… 

* * *

Loop 393 (1)

“Contract?”

Pidge stared at the weird rabbit thing. It was white with long floppy ears and strange red markings. Definitely not any kind of animal that he’s ever seen before. An alien perhaps? The thing tilted its head and stared at him with its beady red eyes. Pidge grinned tightly, she’s had plenty of experience with aliens and if one comes up to you and offers you a contract, it's usually a safe bet to politely decline.

“Fuck no.”

* * *

Loop 934 HP (8)

Roland was not having a good day.

“I'm sorry but you would need to have an appointment but even then you cannot simply just ask to see the Minister! That's ridiculous!” he flailed his arms in exasperation.

“I _demand_ to see Mr Fudge immediately,” a very stubborn woman said, obviously not listening to him. Her plump cheeks were red with anger and her blue eyes blazed with cold fury. She was one of the many many _many_ angry and irrational parents crowding around the front desk.

When Roland decided that he wanted to work at the Ministry of Magic, this was not what he was expected. Being at the front desk of the Ministry was hard work, not only did he have to direct people to the places they needed to go but he also had to handle lunatics like these. They usually only popped up on occasion but it seemed like they were crawling out of the woodwork today.

“Ma'am, if you would please calm down-” he tried to appeal but the woman was not having it.

“ _Calm down?!”_ she screeched, “ HOW CAN I POSSIBLY CALM DOWN WHEN MY SON IS BEING _TORTURED_ BY THIS WOMAN AT HOGWARTS?!”

The women and men crowding the counter raised a chorus of agreement and renewed their shouting of demands.

Oh yes, those rumours. In all honesty they were quite preposterous and honestly, laughable. He’s met Madam Umbridge before and she was quite a delightful woman, she would never do something as horrible as use medieval torture on children!

Roland was not sure how much longer he could handle these people before hexes started flying. He coughed nervously, “Ma’am you must be mistaken-”

Another woman, this time a thin sickly looking lady, slammed down a photograph and a letter, with more strength than her appearance let on, onto the counter. She spoke with a crisp clear voice, “This is my evidence. Look at it.”

Roland tentatively picked up the photograph. It was a picture of a little girl. She was wearing Gryffindor robes and from her high cheekbones, dark hair and her narrow lips it was obvious that this was that lady’s daughter. The girl was clutching her hand to her chest, her tiny body shook with each sob. Then, she composed herself slightly and held her hand up so that he could see it clearly.

The words ‘I must respect authority’ was cut into her flesh.

Roland felt a little sick. “Oh,” he mumbled. Magic photos could not be faked so easily. It required insane amounts of magic and even then the results would be still and unnatural. If this was faked then the girl would move robotically or her crying would look forced.

“I demand some answers.” The skinny woman said firmly.

Roland struggled to find something to say, “Of course. I will notify the proper authorities and they will get back to you in a few days time.”

That was the wrong thing to say. People started shouting over each other, nothing could be heard over the din. Roland was out of his depth.

“I want to go home,” he moaned.

\-----

Parents of the students rarely ever came to visit Hogwarts. There were no Parent-Teachers day meetings, no bake sales, no PTAs. Nothing. They just packed up their children and shipped them off, not seeing them except for the holidays.

They don't even come when their kids are sent to the Hospital Wing. Then again, with the school’s track record of students injured per day, it's no wonder being hospitalised isn't such a big deal anymore. Heck, they didn't even come down when students were being Petrified left and right!

And even when they _do_ come it's usually restricted to the end of the year when exams were nearly over. In fact, the only parents to come into Hogwarts in recent memory was Lucius Malfoy and the Weasley parents not including the Triwizard Tournament.

Speaking of the Weasley parents, Molly Weasley was amongst the hundreds of adults roaming the castle.

Ginny was on her way to the Great Hall when someone screamed her name at the top of their lungs.

“GINNY!”

She whipped her head about and suddenly she had an arm full of red-headed motherliness and eternal rage.

“M-mum?” she gasped, “what are you doing here?”

“Why ever would I not be sweetheart?” she cooed, stroking her cheek before grabbing her hand, checking the back of it intently, “oh thank goodness you're alright.”

“I don't understand. What's going on?” Ginny asked.

“What do you mean _what's going on?_ That Umbridge lady has been tutoring students! And she's been teaching you!” Mrs Weasley said, “if she'd laid a hand on you I swear I’ll wring her neck.”

“Oh! Her! I'm not being taught by her, I'm under Professor Shirogane! I've never been to Umbridge's detentions don't worry,” she reassured her mother.

“How could I possibly not worry dear?” Mrs Weasley pinched her cheeks.

Just as Ginny was about to push her mother away Fred's (or was it George?) voice rang through the corridor, "Mum is that you?!" 

"Fred! George!" Mrs Weasely greeted, walking up to them with open arms, giving them a big bear hug, "have you two been behaving?"

"Yeah yeah mum," Fred rolled his eyes.

"Of course we are," George lied.

Mrs Weasley grabbed their hand and immediately her gaze hardened.

"I'm going to kill that bitch," she hissed. Her children gasped in surprise, their mother never cursed. Ever. 

"Not if I get to her first!" another mother yelled, her arms around the shoulders of a tiny first year.

"NO! I WILL!" a father yelled.

"NOT UNLESS I GET MY HANDS ON HER!" another person screamed.

\-----

Sitting inside Dumbledore's office, Shiro was getting ready to carefully craft a believable story about how he knows about the Order of Pheonix so he would be permitted to join. This was an impossibly delicate situation because he fails, he and the team would probably have to break into Grimmauld Place by force, which was too much of a hassle. Oh, and Dumbledore might fire him. Or kill him. Yeah...

"I'm from an alternate universe where this where this whole world is just a series of books."

Nailed it.

Dumbledore blinked from behind his half-moon glasses. "Is that so?"

"Yes, and I would like to help you by joining the Order of Pheonix," Shiro said.

Dumbledore nodded his head like everything Shiro said was totally logical and made sense.

"And how do you think the Order would benefit with you added to its ranks?" he asked.

Shiro groaned internally, he hated interviews. And wasn't the Order short staffed right now? Could they really afford to be picky with their members?

"As you already know, I am well versed with the Dark Arts and the defences against them. Not only that, I am also experienced in Japanese magic, which many of the mainly European based magics of the Death Eaters are not familiar with," he said professionally.

"Indeed, that is true," Dumbledore said, "and if could, please explain to me how you managed to arrive into our universe?"

Shiro sighed heavily and looked out of the window like the memory pained him deeply, "It's a long story," he said.

"We have all day," Dumbledore replied patiently.

Their discussion was interrupted by Professor McGonagall slamming the door open, clutching her chest and panting before composing herself and calmly stating, "You might want to see this."

Outside there were legions of witches and wizards swarming outside holding torches and pitchforks screaming, "BURN THE BITCH!". There were even some on brooms circling the skies like vultures and it looked like the mob was growing by the second.

"BURN HER!!" someone screamed at the top of their lungs, sparking a chorus of roars in agreement.

Dumbledore's jaw dropped as he stared at the spectacle. Shiro knew Pidge has something planned but a fucking lynch mob was not what he expected.

"Are you going do something about this?" Shiro asked him.

Dumbledore was silent for a moment before saying, "I believe that it is wise for this hullabaloo to wear itself out. Nothing to fear."

"Is that so?" Shiro said mildly as he pulled a pack of candy from his robes.

"I believe it is," McGonagall agreed, nodding her head as she waved her wand and apparated a cup of tea into her hands.

Dumbledore nodded sagely with his mouth stuffed full of lemon drops.

\-----

"PIDGE DID YOU PLAN THIS?!" Lance screamed as yet another witch ran past, waving a torch like a maniac.

"Of course not," Pidge huffed before brightening, "this is  _way_ better than ANYTHING I could ever conceive!"

A victorious roar echoed through the castle as a surge of energy rippled through the rioting witches and wizards. "Looks like they found Umbridge," Pidge said.

_"BUUUURN HER!!! BUUURN THE BITCH!!"_

_"_ Are you gonna do anything?" Lance asked.

Pidge gave him a flat look.

Lance nodded his head with a 'fair enough' expression, "Yeah thought so."

Not only were there parents rioting throughout the castle, and building a giant pyre in front of the lake, but there were also many many many students joining the fray, screaming for blood.

A student with his hair on fire ran past them.

"Hey was that Keith?" Lance asked.

"Yep."

A pause.

Lance sighed heavily, "I'll go make sure the mullet doesn't kill himself early."

"Yeah you go do that," Pidge said, "I'm gonna go watch Umbridge get burned at the stake."

* * *

Loop 393 CONTRACT (2)

A white bunny like creature stared at Shiro with its beady eyes, it's head tilted to the side as if to enhance its cuteness.

“Contract?” it said.

A number of students walked past him, completely ignoring the very obviously alien creature sitting on the fence.

Shiro has seen enough magical girl animes to know that a talking fluffy plush toy looking animal could only mean one thing.

“Yeah sure why not,” he shrugged.

* * *

(Bonus)

"Which is heavier, a kilogramme of steel or a kilogramme of feathers?" Pidge suddenly asked one day.  
  
"What sort of question it that?" Hunk scoffed.  
  
"Obviously it's steel," Shiro said, “because steel is heavier than feathers.”

A tumbleweed rolled past.

"What the fuck Shiro."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 393: Just know that I have only watched three magical girl animes in my life, Shugo Chara, Madoka Magica and Pretty Cure (the first one with Cure Black and Cure White)
> 
> Announcement time!
> 
> I'm taking a break from my loops. Yeah, after writing it consistently for these few weeks I feel kinda drained. Don't worry, I'll still continue it but I kinda wanna spend time doing other things (like writing other fics) before coming back with fresh ideas instead of continuously hitting road blocks like I am now. 
> 
> So I'll see you again when I update byeeee~


	15. Drafts and short stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt a little bad for leaving you guys hanging so long so here's some random stuff thats been rotting in my drafts. 
> 
> Hope it entertains

(For much later into the future of the Shiro is literally everyone's dad loop)

“You know, the reason why I have grey hair is because all of you little shits.” Shiro said with a sigh over breakfast.

“No Shiro, we all know that you dye your fringe white is because you're an edgy fuck.”

“A dollar to the swear jar Lance.”

“C’mon! You can't do this! I’m a thousand over years old!”

“Mentally. Physically you're ten and my legal ward so I have a responsibility to take care of you. Even if it means limiting your swearing because I'm a good father.”

“You're not my real dad!”

Shiro raised an eyebrow over his coffee.

“Okay, technically you are but that's besides the point!”

“Even so. Swear jar Lance.”

“Fiiiiiiine.” Lance groaned as he dragged himself over to the counter where the jar was.

“See,” Shiro said as he turned back to his newspaper, “this is the reason why I have grey hair.”

\--

(Random moment)

“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

“Did- did you just say that out loud?” Lance gasped.

“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

“How are you doing that? That shouldn't even make sense spoken out loud!”

Pidge nodded sagely, “The Lenny Face is a feeling not a word.”

  
\--

(Hogwarts)

Vicky was on her way to Hogsmeade when something in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She squeaked and hid behind a wall, slowly peeking out to see what was going on. She blinked, then blinked again, then rubbed her eyes really hard.

Was that Keith and Lance making out?! Keith had Lance against the wall and hands were roaming and oh god. Vicky's heart couldn't take it and she jerked her head back to lean against the wall. Oh god, she could hear slurping and lip smacking and- OH MY GOD WAS THAT A MOAN?! She covered her mouth and ran away.

Vicky ran all the way back up to the Gryffindor common room to find Emily or Parvati or Lavender, literally anyone. Just as the Fat Lady swung open the door Lavender fell into her arms. "Oh my god, Lav! You have no idea what I just saw!" Vicky gasped.

"Same! We've been looking for you all morning!" Lavender said, and behind her, Vicky could see the rest of her friends.

"This is an outrage! Pidge is cheating on Keith!" Parvati exploded. "With Lance!"

"The Ravenclaw boy?" Vicky gasped.

"Yeah!"

"well I just say Keith making out with Lance just now!"

"WHAT?!"

"How dare he!"

"I know! How can he even call himself a Gryffindor?!"

"WAIT," Lavender held her hands out, "So both of them are cheating on each other WITH LANCE?!"

\--

(Altean)

The team watched Shiro from a distance. Shiro was doubled over with laughter at something Zarkon had said and the evil overlord himself was suppressing giggles.

Shiro playfully punched Zarkon in the arm and leaned against the pillar as Zarkon continued his story  

“Zarkon being nice gives me the heebie jeebies.” Keith shuddered.

“I will pay you 100 GAC for you to say that again” Hunk said.

“What, heebie jeebies?” Keith asked.

Hunk slid 100 GAC into Keith's pocket before silently slinking away.

"....."

“Why do I feel like Hunk tipped me like a stripper.” 

\--

(Mass wedding loop)

  
An early loop. They awaken earlier this time before the Kerberos Mission. They've been at this for what they considered to be a long while now. They've actually been planning on doing something special for anger loops now.

They decide to have a mass wedding to each other. On earth. They even fuckin invited the galras on the warship headed for earth. (Would they still be heading for earth? I mean, I think the main reason they were there in the first place was because they were after shiro so????)

“Salutations and stuff. Ehem. I'm pidge and I'm getting married to some people and they thought it'll be a good idea to invite you.”

“What is the meaning of this?!”

“This is a wedding invitation. I am personally inviting you to our ceremony of union. Do the galra have rituals like these? I'm not sure. But in any case you're invited.”

“...”

“Anyway, here are the coordinates for the venue. I'm sending it to you now. I'll see you then! Pidge out!”

They do end up attending the wedding and no one questions it because the team told everyone that a group of furries were attending.

\--

(Discarded draft for a Shugo Chara Loop)

Shiro stared at the four eggs on his bed. If they were normal eggs he wouldn't have cared so much. However, seeing that they were colour coded to the colours of Voltron’s limbs and had the Voltron symbols on them, they were a matter of deep concern.

According to his loop memories he's never met any of other paladins yet which was slightly concerning. He had no idea what this alternate universe had to offer, whether it be aliens or magic or magic aliens.

He held the green egg to his ear and shook it. Nothing. These eggs hadn't done a single thing except sit there ever since they appeared on his bed that morning. Could guys give birth in this world? Did he literally give birth to the rest of the paladins? Is he now both a dad and a mum?!

“Takashi! You're going to be late!” His mother called from downstairs, snapping him from his spiralling thoughts.

“Yeah hurry up!” his twin, Ryou sniggered, the little bitch.

“Alright!” He replied as he shoved the eggs into his bag.

As yes the younger twin. Ryou was a fine specimen of impossibly mischievous, blindingly cheerful and carefree.

As Shiro came downstairs he was greeted with the sight of Ryou’s plate stacked high with french toast and waffles. Oh, and did he forget to mention? Ryou was also the favourite.  
Unfortunate, but that can't be helped so he simply sat down at his plate and stole some of Ryou’s waffles.

The school they were attending was Seiyo Academy, a rich kid private elementary school that Shiro only got sent to because Ryou was. The school was a freaking fairy tale castle. White walls, spiralling staircases and stained glass windows. Shiro could almost see the shoujo anime sparkles shimmering around it as he looked up at the highest tower in the school.

As he and Ryou entered the school, a crowd of students were gathering around and squealing over a group of students wearing capes over their uniforms.

“Look, look over here!” One girl cried.

“Ah, it's the prince!” Another yelled.

“Seiyo Elementary School’s Guardians!” they yelled together.

Oh, those people. Guardians of the school was just a fancy name of the student council. Nothing much. There were four positions in the council, King, Queen, Jack and Ace. Once a year four people are elected to replace the graduating Guardians. Not sure what they actually do there but rumours say that if the school enables a harsh regulation they would step up to defend the students.

The girl swooned sighing, “Oh the Prince is such a great guy.”

So this guy called the Prince is held the King position in the Guardian thing?

“He’s nice, he’s smart, he can do anything.” The other sighed.

Shiro rolled his eyes, so apart from the rumours they didn't do anything at all? That really wasn't all that impressive compared to being the Defenders of the Universe. He was just about to leave when one of the girls called out to him, “Hey don't you think so too Shirogane?”

“Hm? I don't particularly care?” he said. The airheaded girls giggled and said that he was so mature and serious. What was up with this world’s Shiro’s reputation anyway? According to his loop memories, they saw him as mature and no nonsense? How? Why?

“The Guardians made it so it's okay to be late and leave early!”

This school should have a real problem with discipline then.

“Talking to a Guardian is the same as talking to a teacher!”

Why are they giving eleven year olds so much authority?

“After school they have a tea party in the ‘Royal Garden’!”

“Yes, yes! And the best part-”

“Only a Guardian can wear that Royal Cape!”

“It’s soooo royal!”

Shiro stared at them blankly. Is that really all they cared about?

“The cape would really look good on you Shirogane!” One of the girls said excitedly.

“O-oh is that so?” He replied politely.

“Everyone’s saying that the next King will be you!” The other girl squealed.

“Uh sure.” Shiro said absently, wishing that he could get away quickly. The red egg gave a throb and a familiar feeling washed over him. Shiro froze and was about to dig the eggs out when someone grabbed his arm.

It was the ‘Prince’, “Um… I uh…” He said hesitantly, “could it be that you…”

Shiro waited patiently for him to finish but he didn't say anything more. He just stood there staring at him. The students around them began to whisper, wondering what was going on, “Yes?” Shiro asked slowly but the other boy was still trying to find his words.

Shiro sighed and gently removed the Prince’s hand from his arm. “Why don't you tell me what you want to say later after class? Thanks.”

Apparently these words were shocking because the student body simultaneously let out a horrified gasp. “I-I'm sorry.” The boy said at last as Shiro was walking away.

When Shiro was behind a pillar he pulled out the red egg. It didn't move. He shook it. Still nothing. He swore he felt it jolt just now and it felt like he was connecting with Keith’s mind when they did the mind meld exercise. He frowned at the egg and gently replaced it back with the others in his bag. He would have to take a closer look at them later.

 

\--

(Shugo chara loop. In this one Ikuto is asking permission to date Ryou to try to get close enough to steal the Humpty Lock, which Shiro has)

"You want to date my brother?!" Shiro screamed.

"Yes what of it?" Ikuto smirked.

"He's literally ten years old! You're just using him to get to me aren't you?!"

  
Shiro shot his mother a look, conveying every ounce of "NOPE GET THIS DICKFACE OUT OF OUR HOUSE" as he could. His mother returned his look with a pensive nod. He was thankful that in this world, he and his mother has mastered the art of silent communication.

"All right. You can date him." She said.

"What really?" Ryou gasped.

"Yes, unless Takashi dates first."

"WHAT?!" All three of them shreeched at once.

Okay, maybe he hasn't mastered it as well as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you follow me on tumblr or just checked it out you know that I am CURRENTLY IN CHINESE ANIME HELL. 
> 
> If you like red/blue dynamics check out Twin Spirit Detectives, the anime is subbed on YouTube and I'm translating the manhwa!
> 
> If you're a sucker for black/white pairs check out Soul Contract! They even kiss!
> 
> Though seriously I'm just alone in my fandoms screaming into the void and is desperately trying to drag people into hell with me. 
> 
> In any case, thanks for reading!!


	16. Chapter 16

Loop 101 BAND (10)

In the dark black void a single spotlight was suddenly turned on with a loud snap, underneath the harsh white light was the Black Paladin in his civilian clothes. He sat on a wooden barstool, an acoustic guitar in hand and a microphone in front of him.

He’s playing a rather simple yet cheerful tune on his acoustic guitar, swaying to the beat he leaned forward and sang into the mike:

_ “I wanna fuck a dog in the ass.” _

Another spotlight switched on, this time it was the Red Paladin underneath it.  _ “He wants to fuck a dog.”  _ Keith sang, pointing a finger at Shiro.

The spotlights expanded to reveal the Green and Yellow paladins,  _ “We,”  _ they all sang in unison,  _ “wanna fuck a dog in the ass.” _

_ “We wanna fuck a dog in the ass, _

_ We wanna fuck a doooooooooog~” _

Suddenly Lance skidded into the light, playing an electric guitar, the guitar solo accompanied by Hunk’s furious drum beats.

_ “I wanna fuck a dog in the aaaaaasss~” _

\-----

“So what’d’ya think?” Lance asked Allura excitedly as the video concluded. This was Team Voltron's newest music video they were planning to release. This. This thing. This monstrosity. This short Low Budget half asses piece of dog fucked shit.

Allura’s head swivelled to look at the five idiots she calls her paladins. Her body was completely motionless as if it was frozen, so the head turn made her look like a robot, or an alien. 

Well, more alien than usual anyway.

“No.” She said

\-----

That didn't stop the video from getting onto the interwebs anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuse xD  
> sorry it's so short, i just wanted to get this out quickly (usually i'd make sure that my chapters are at least 3k words) dont worry, i have some stuff planned.... oh and i havent watched season 2 yet so no spoilers!
> 
> [the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOryTT88A9c) if you want it


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I watched season 2 and I am shook????????????????? Allura and Coran _actually_ entered a time loop in the corrupted wormhole and???????????????? Oh my God???????????????????

Voltron’s Review Blog 

Imagine that you're on a foreign planet and you suddenly feel the inevitable biological need to relieve yourself. You find the bathroom but all they have on the doors is one triangle and one square, and you have no idea which one to use. Don't worry, Pidge here will give you answers.

So some people has asked how do you know which bathroom to go to since not all alien species has the same gender spectrum as your’s does. It simple. You don't.

Simply walk into any bathroom you choose. Remember, if you walk with confidence, no one will question it. Fake it till you make it is my policy. And on the off chance that someone says “Hey, shouldn't you be in the [insert alien gender here] bathroom?” just gasp in indignation and say “Did you just _assume_ my gender?!” and 90% of the time they’ll back off.

* * *

Loop 22 (1)

The door to Shiro's room slid open to reveal Pidge looking completely zombified. Her face frozen in horror and her entire body slumped like it has almost given up all hope in humanity and the only thing keeping her standing was the sheer force of stubborn will.

"Hey, Pidge-" Shiro cut himself off, "What happened to you?"

Pidge shuffled into the room and collapsed face first into the bed.

"Pidge, what happened?" Shiro repeated himself, growing slightly more concerned by the second.

"You know the weird alien gay bar we went to?" She said tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah well, Keith brought someone back."

Shiro frowned. "That's.... a little dangerous but not bad per se. You don't think this person might be trying to infiltrate the castle would you?"

Pidge shot up from the bed, "What? No!" She crossed her arms, "I think we can trust Keith's judgement but that's beside the point!"

"And the point is?"

"I- uh... I might have walked into them going at it in the training room?"

Shiro's face suddenly seemed to shine with interest. "Details! Details!" He demanded and jumped next to her on the bed, almost nose to nose with her. "I need details! I need pictures of Spider-Man!"

Pidge gave him a flat stare, "Bad impressions of J. Jonah Jameson aside, (you do a better Spider-Man voice anyway) imagine weird Japanese hentai." She said slowly, "The ones with the tentacles and the slime, oh god so much slime, but with Keith enthusiastically consenting. And the noises OH GOD THE NOISES."

Shiro let out a tiny gasp, "Oh my." He said like a dainty upper-middle-class Victorian lady who was just told that her distant aunt broke into her house and shit on the carpet before yelling at her husband in German before diving out the window.

"Oh my indeed." Pidge nodded sagely, "Now give me some brain bleach because my mind was NEVER ready for that." She leant over to search the corners of the mattress, "I know you have some and I desperately need it."

* * *

Loop 934 HP (9)

Before the riot Hunk approached Harry. He wasn't really sure what to think of it. Hunk as he was quieter than the rest of his insane friends. But he was always polite and kind so he was good in Harry's book.

“Professor Shirogane asked me to help you learn Occlumency.” Hunk said.

“What's that?” he asked.

“Occlumency is the act of magically closing one's mind against Legilimency. It is ancient, and has existed since medieval times. It can prevent a Legilimens from accessing one's thoughts and feelings, or influencing them,” Hermione recited.

Ron and Harry still looked confused, “What?”

“It's method to stop other wizards from reading your mind,” she said flatly.

“Oooh!”

“Why would Professor Shirogane want you to help Harry learn that?” Ron asked.

Hunk flailed about a bit, “Um, he fears that Harry might be developing a mental kink with Voldemort through his scar.”

Ron flinched at the mention of the Dark Lord’s name. “That sounds ridiculous,” he said.

“It's not,” Hunk said hotly, “your scar hurts whenever the Dark Lord is near right?

Harry rubbed his forehead, “Yeah?”

“And you never wondered _why_ that happens?”

Harry hesitated, “No not really,” he said at last.

Hunk smiled. “Why don't you guys come to Professor Shirogane’s office tonight at 5? We’ll explain everything to you then because Dumbledore is an information withholding asshat.”

Can't argue with that, however, “I have detention with Umbridge tonight,” Harry said, feeling a stab of irritation.

“Skip it,” Hunk said.

“And how do you know all of this?” Hermione cut in.

“Yeah! How do you know even more than Dumbledore?” Ron added.

Hunk stared into their eyes. “Magic.”

This was, of course, before the riot broke out at Hogwarts. Now it really didn't matter if Harry went for detention or not seeing that Umbridge was about to be burnt at stake witch hunt style.

He would have wanted to say he felt some concern about her, seeing as she was about to be burned alive, but he'd be lying. So he said nothing.

Out in the field was a giant pyre with a tiny pink splotch tied up on the top, a morbid Christmas tree of different assortments of wood and, was that gasoline? Huh, it looked like a muggleborn had summoned a gasoline truck and was hosing the entire pyre with it.

The crowd of wizards and students cheered and chanted around the oversized campfire and roared even louder when someone snapped Umbridge’s wand.

“Shouldn't we do something about this?” Hermione gasped.

Harry gave it a genuine thought for all of five seconds.

“Nah.” He and Ron said at the same time which Hermione smacked them with her book for.

“As horrible as she is, she shouldn't have to be burned at stake here!” She said.

“Yes yes of course.” Harry nodded his head placatingly.

“You boys are just evil. You know that right?”

“Duly noted.” Ron nodded his head as someone came running down from the castle with a flaming stick chariot of fire style.

* * *

Loop 22 SLIME (2)

Keith groaned as he got up. What the heck happened last night? The last thing he remembered was this really nice slime guy he met at a bar and then..... really enthusiastic and creative sex.

Ah, so that's why his ass feels like it's been obliterated. Where was that guy anyway? Keith doesn't remember showing him out. He was about to go get dressed when a quiet whimper caught his attention.

He froze and turned his gaze down onto his blanket. Underneath it lay a lump which twitches and moved. Keith gripped the edge of the blanket and readied his knife. Taking a deep breath and counting to three the threw the blanket off to reveal-

\-----

"A BABY?!" Pidge screamed, pointing at the approximately two-month-old miniature human in Keith's arms.

First thing in the morning in the dining hall was screaming. Business as usual then. Pidge was in the midst of losing her mind as Shiro and Keith try to calm her down. Hunk went to look for something for the baby to eat while the Alteans ran scans on the baby's DNA, hoping to find its origins. Lance was late as usual.

"Yeah. It just kind of... showed up." Keith shrugged.

Pidge rubbed her temples in frustration, "Babies just don't show up out of nowhere alright? Did the guy you were with last night leave it?"

"Kind of hard to hide a baby when your body is a translucent gel don't you think?" Keith deadpanned.

"Alright alright fine. Where is he, they, it (?) now anyway?" She asked.

"Relax Pidge," Shiro said placatedly, "Its just a baby. We can handle it. It's not like it has a bomb planted in it."

"You don't think-" Keith began.

"No." Allura cut him off as she entered the dining hall. "I've already finished the scans. There is no weapon, bomb or otherwise, planted in this baby."

"According to our scans, this is a healthy human baby!" Coran exclaimed. "I also checked the security camera for Keith's little guest but from the looks of it, he never left the room."

"What sort of alien is that thing anyway?" Shiro asked.

"I was suspecting a Glungforbian Slime, they're DNA is very versatile and remains dormant until their offspring reaches maturity. There are some cases where the parent slime disintegrate after birth when it gets too old." Coran explained.

Pidge held up a hand, "So what you're saying is, and correct me if I'm wrong, this is legitimately Keith's biological kid."

"Correct."

"Holy shit I'm a grandpa." Shiro gasped and teared up. 

"Sh-shut up Shiro!" Keith stammered, feeling extremely awkward with... his kid(?) in his arms.

Just then the door slid opened with a swish to reveal Lance in his bathrobe and Blue Lion slippers. "Mornin' what'd I miss?" He cheerfully asked.

* * *

Loop 263 GENDERBEND (7)

Nail painting in the lounge had become a semi-weekly staple of the Paladin's down time where they just hang out and calmly paint each other's nails when there wasn't a new crisis to fix. It was soothing in a way. And very often in this social ritual, there would be gossiping.

"Hey, ever notice Zarkon is like, the Black Lion's crazy ex?" Lance said offhandedly as he blew on the newest coat of gold nail polish on Hunk's hand. 

"Yeah, he  _is._ " Pidge agreed. "He's like the abusive possessive ex-boyfriend that just couldn't let go."

"Oh and the whole 'the Black Lion belongs to me FOREVAAAR!!!' thing just screams creep." Hunk shuddered. 

"His obsession with it is unnatural man." Lance shook his head.

"Urgh, yeah and he keeps trying to find her and stop her from making connections outside of him," Keith looked up from painting his toenails and added.

"Then again Black seems to go through paladins like a girl goes through clothes," Lance said.

"Okay, first, that's sexist, second, you have a vagina right now have some respect." Shiro chided, "And lastly, are you slut shaming my Lion?" Shiro placed a hand on his chest and let out a dramatic gasp.

"If you think about it, first there was Zarkon and then you and then _Keith_ that one time." Pidge pointed out.

"She's an independent Lion who can have as many Paladins as she wants." Shiro defended, crossing his arms before immediately uncrossing them because he ruined his coat of nail polish for the seventh time.

Keith spoke up in defence, "That was a dire situation." He huffed, "It doesn't mean anything."

"Except foreshadow that you have the ability to pilot the Black Lion hence raising death flags for Shiro." Lance said.

"Lance." Shiro said.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Loop 250 GALRA (4)

Waking up Princess Allura as Galra was not fun. Sometimes the team forgot just how racist Allure could be.

As in she's a fucking racist.

They very nearly lost the castle on Arus because she locked them all up in prison cells. If there was one thing that hasn't changed in all of the loops is that Allura is a fucking badass and neatly handed all their asses to them, with the help of Coran and the castle's security of course.

"Princess please, you got to let us pilot the Lions or this entire castle would go down!" Shiro pleaded. Red lights were flashing left and right,

"Why should I? You're Galra, the entire reason why we're in this mess in the first place!" Allura shot back.

"And we're trying to help fix it!" Keith snapped, "So if you want this castle to go down along with the last remaining hope of the universe let us help you!"

Allura fell silent. Luckily, even though she might be racist she wasn't stupid. She knew the stakes, knew what was on the line and she knew that she needed people to pilot Voltron. She could not let her castle fall. Not now, not ever. "Fine." She said through gritted teeth. "Coran, release their cuffs."

"Are you sure?" Concern evident in his voice. His hand was already hovering over the commands, though. 

"Yes. Release them." She said more firmly this time.

Shiro rubbed his wrists as the cuffs fell away with a soft click. "Thank y-" He jerked his head away just as a staff came thrusting towards his face, stopping just shy of his nose.

"Make one mistake and I promise to personally ensure that your deaths will be a long and painful one." Allura threatened.

"Of course," Shiro said calmly. He turned towards the hangar, knowing that his team was right behind him. "Let's form Voltron!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who commented on my last chapter, even though it was so short and pretty dumb, it makes me so so happy that people still enjoy reading this so thank you so much! (Although the general consesus of the chapter was wtf lol)
> 
> Review blog: legit advice my friend gave me when I wanted to use the hand dryer in the men's room
> 
> Loop 22: the much awaited "Keith has a kid and Lance didn't know he actually made them" loop. Any name, gender, personality suggestions? Also one of my notes for this loop was "do I write slime porn or nah?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have watched the first episode of Voltron Force. Now I have an unholy craving for a Legendary Defenders meets Voltron Force crossover 
> 
> Should this be a loop or a separate thing?
> 
> I imagine it'll be something like, the team approached Slav for a way to get them out of the loop, to which the solution would involve a collapsing star, a black hole and a constantly screaming sun. And instead of getting out the time loop they're transported into an alternate reality altogether. How's that sound?

Loop 242 ALTEAN (15)

Pidge sluggishly got up, clutching her head she groaned, “My head.” She rubbed a sore spot on her back, why was she sleeping on the ground? “What happened?”

She looked up and instead of seeing her Altean bedroom she was surrounded by the expanse of space. And trash. Lots and lots of space trash. What were they doing in the Trash Nebula? And were those the Lions she sees parked over there? What the hell? She counted the lions, Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, where was Black? Did Shiro fuck off to the Astral Plane to Netflix and Chill again?

It was then when she heard someone groan, “Sush not so loud” from behind her. She whipped around to see a pair of yellow-clad boots sticking out from a hole in the metal outer shell of what Pidge assumed was a ship.

“Hunk!” She exclaimed and hurried over to where he was, “Hunk get up!”

“Whaaaaat?” He groaned. He looked about as awful as she felt, dark bruises around his eyes and his hair sticking up everywhere, not to mention his mused clothes. Luckily they all had the mind to put on a helmet before jumping out into the void of space.

“We’re in the middle of the Trash Nebula!” She exclaimed. “And the Lions are right here!” She gestured wildly towards where the Lions crouched regally over them. “We have to get them back to Altea _now_!”

Hunk spent a few seconds blinking blearily, squinting his eyes before giving up and collapsing back into the hole, ready to let the sweet sweet release of death take him.

“Get up get up!” She screeched, tugging uselessly at his arm. Even with her enhanced Altean strength, Hunk was still hard for her to lift.

“Are those the Lions?!” A faint voice echoed through the empty void. Pidge perked up and immediately abandons Hunk’s arm to jump out of the hole. She could recognise that voice anywhere.

Sure enough, it was the ex-red and blue paladins, stumbling on the uneven scratched up metal. “Keith, Lance?! Is that you?” Pidge gasps with relief. “Great! You guys need to get into your Lions and bring them back to Altea before someone notices.”

“Did we steal the Lions? Holy shit we stole the Lions didn’t we?!” Lance yelled.

“What the fuck happened last night?!” Keith groaned, rubbing his temples tenderly. “I knew we shouldn't have challenged Allura’s alcohol tolerance! She’s held the record of most pints Juniberry juice drunk in under a varga.”

And speak of the devil Allura herself pops out of the nearby pile of trash, a metal conical flask hanging on her head like a hat. She clutched her head, “What in the known universe happened?” she groaned. She glanced up, “Are those the Lions?”

A pause.

“ARE THOSE THE QUIZNACKING LIONS?!”

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (6)

In many of these loops, it always seems like no matter what they did it always boiled down to them sitting around and planning. Planning on how to take down the Galra, planning on who's going to what on the mission, planning on what crazy stupid thing they'll do next, just lots and lots of planning.

It wasn't even constructed planning half the time, it just happens spontaneously, someone would voice out an idea and everyone else would contribute. If plans fell through they'd bullshit their way out. Improvision was their friend.

“Fake it till you make it!” Pidge reminded them. And reminded them often.

Keith wasn't exactly thinking when he approached Thace. Granted, he was just wandering around the hallways looking a way to pass the time. Shiro had sent the other Paladins to retrieve their Lions since the Red Lion was already in Galra custody and could easily be delivered to them, it left Keith with nothing to do which annoyed him greatly.

So when he saw Thace the first thing that came to mind was:

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!”

Yeah, not the best reintroduction.

Thace looked just about as confused as you’d expect him to be. “Excuse me?” He said politely.

“Ah-um,” Keith struggled to find his words, “I…. wanted to ask you something?”

An awkward pause. Keith stared at Thace and Thace stared back. Keith continued to stare at Thace and Thace continued to stare back. The infinite stare. Both of their faces completely impassive, not a twitch to be seen. Internally, Keith was kind of freaking out, like ‘SHIT WE NEVER DISCUSSED WHAT WE’D DO ABOUT THE BLADE IN THIS LOOP WHAT DO MAN?!’ and ‘SHIT I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS’ and ‘oh damn, did I accidentally (and by that I mean totally on purpose) drug Shiro’s space tea?’

Internally Thace was like, ‘This has been going on for far too many doboshes, when is this human child going to say something?’ and glanced up and down the corridor, looking for someone to help save him. They were completely alone. Ah quiznack. He coughed into his fist. “Yes?”

Deciding to just wing it, Keith pulled out his knife. “Do you know what this is?”

Thace’s expression turned grave. “Where did you get that?” He asked calmly, carefully disguising his impatience and unease.

“It was given to me, I’ve always had it,” Keith explained.

Thace extended a hand to take the knife from him. “I think it’s best if you give up the knife.”

To which Keith jerked back with a petulant “No.”

“Human, I don't think you know what the significance of that blade is.” Thace snapped.

“No, I actually do,” Keith said impassively. “Now let me take the Trails of Marmora.”

Thace stared at him with shock, Keith’s words not sinking in at all. “What.”

Keith reiterated his sentence slowly, “Let me. Take the. Trials of Marm-” but he was cut off with Thace’s razor sharp blade at his throat.

“How do you know of the Trials of Marmora?!” Thace hissed threateningly.

Keith hummed in thought for a moment, contemplating a number of explanations before deciding that he was too tired to make up a story on the fly and tell him the truth. “I received memories from a version of myself from an alternate reality.”

A half-truth anyway.

The blade pressed a little harder onto his flesh. “Fine, fine, don't believe me.” Keith sighed. “But just ask your engineer Slav, he’ll back me up.”

\-----

Elsewhere in on the ship Shiro took a sip of his drink and suddenly fell face first into a stack of documents. No one else in the meeting room questioned it.

* * *

Loop 243 12 YR OLDS (3)

It was a peaceful day (night? Afternoon? Time lost meaning in the void of space) on the castleship. There was no emergency, the weren't any distress beacons being activated, there weren't any Galra activity nearby, it was just the seven of them in the castle and the void of space.

Pidge took a deep breath, letting the artificially ventilated air fill up her lungs. She squared her shoulders and balled her fists, summoning every ounce of strength she had in her tiny twelve-year-old body.

**“FUCK!”**

\-----

Dust came showering down upon Hunk and Lance’s heads as they prepared to take a spoonful of green goo: breakfast edition™.

“What was that?” Lance turned his head up towards the ceiling.

Hunk threw his spoon into his dusty bowl in disgust. “Whatever that is, I hope it brings death.” He scowled.

“Hold that thought Hunk, wait until we're fourteen for the emo tween phase for lines like that,” Lance said.

“Yeah true.” He grumbled in response.

\-----

“What was that?” Allura turned away from the console, her silver hair whipping around elegantly. Wtf lady how is your hair so perfect in this time of war?

“Judging by the frequency of the vibrations in the air and the timbre of the sound,” Shiro bullshit and produced a tuning fork out of his ass, “I’ll say that was a very very angry person covered in blood.”

The two Alteans stared at him, “Wat.”

\-----

Keith came running into Pidge’s room. His bare feet slapping against the cold pristine Altean floors. With a resounding bang, he burst through the door. “Okay who died?!” He yelled.

“Me. I'm gonna die.” Pidge snapped, her blanket a crumpled mess on the floor and her sheets covered in red.

“Oooooooh tough luck.”

“I’ve been doing this shit for years. YEARS. How could I forget to bring PADS?!” Pidge screamed.

“Yeah… I’m just gonna go…” Keith tried backing out of the room but was effectively stopped by Pidge when she all but leapt off the bed and grabbed him by the mullet.

“Don't you fucking dare. Leave me. In my time of need. You sonofvabitch.” She hissed, nose to nose with him, every breath brushing against his face. He winced a little, her grip on his hair much tighter than her twelve-year-old body looked like it was able to.

“Okay okay sorry!” Keith raised his hands up in surrender. “It's just blood, we bleed all the time relax.”

“A trip to the healing pod won't stop the bleeding dickward!” Pidge scoffed but slowly released her grip on his horribly out of fashion hairstyle. “Get me a hot water bottle, some chamomile tea and tissues. Lots and lots of tissues.”

“On it.” Keith nodded, tenderly rubbing his scalp and turned to leave.

“And don't forget to schedule a trip to the Trade Moon immediately! You know, the one with that shop that sells Earth merchandise!” She yelled after him as he hastily made his escape. “I mean it, Keith! If you don't get me my shit I’ll have your head on a pike!!”

\-----

Keith stumbles into the main deck where Hunk and Lance had set up a Wii U and was playing Pikmin 3.

“What happened to you?” Hunk asked absentmindedly.

Keith dove face first into the couch. “Pidge got her first period of the loop.” His voice muffled by the cushion as he groaned.

“Ooh, that's rough buddy.” Lance laughed.

* * *

Loop 270

As much as the absolutely crazy variants of the loopdeeloops were exciting, sometimes the loops where there were only small changes were fun too.

Like that one loop where everything was exactly the same except Allura was going through her emo phase. That was just about as fun as it was frustrating because of how unmotivated and despondent she was 89% of the time.

This time, everything was exactly the same except…

Lance placed a hot towel over his eyes and sigh happily. This was the life.

"Is there anything you need dearest?" A sultry voiced asked.

"Nope, nothing at all." Lance replied with a grin.

Yeah, in this loop Lotor was this weird dude who shirks his responsibilities as the heir of the Galra Empire and enjoys day spas. Often. And who happens to think that Lance is the hottest shit since the sun.

\-----

“You know, I like this version of Lotor,” Lance said as he tipped a basket full of laundry into the Altean washing machine, “He’s funny.”

It was laundry day at the castle and everyone dragged whatever dirty and damaged clothes they'd accumulated over the last few weeks to the laundry room at the bottom levels of the castle.

“That’s because he likes you.” Keith deadpanned. He was sorting through the coloured clothes and the white clothes. Unfortunately, despite the advances in technology, dyes still stained.

Lance shrugged. “Better me than Allura.”

Hunk snorted, “Yeah that's true. It didn't really end well last time.”

“If you mean the time we blew him up and then tried to fix him up with robotic parts but then he was mad with lust for Allura and broke out of prison to hunt us all down, then yes, it really didn't end well.” Shiro scoffed as he loaded another batch of laundry.

“And what was up with the rivalry he had with you?” Pidge asked Keith. “You didn't even try to get together with Allura that time.”

Keith shrugged, “I didn't even give Allura so much as a hug last time.”

“Maybe he's genre savvy,” Hunk suggested. “Like how in TV shows and cartoons where the main character in red would always get the leading lady who's usually in pink.”

“Do the Galra even have any shows like that?” Pidge asked.

Shiro shrugged, “Maybe? Universal entertainment and all that.”

Keith sighed, “Sometimes Lotor makes me miss Sincline, at least he didn't have crazy mommy issues.” Referring to the loop where the Galra and Altea were switched.

“Yeah but Sincline had daddy issues.” Lance pointed out as he leant onto the washing machine.

A ding resounded through the room and Hunk grabbed the clothes from the dryer. “You say that as if Allura doesn't have daddy issues.” He said as he shook out the clothes.

“Allura at least doesn't let it affect her leadership.” Lance retorted.

“Except for that one time with Alfor’s A.I,” Shiro said.

“Except for that one time with Alfor’s A.I.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

* * *

Loop 243 12 YR OLDS (4)

At the Trade Moon while Pidge was rummaging through the Earth Shop for pads with Keith in tow. And by rummaging, I mean tearing the place up. She was relentless, pushing past the displays, climbing up the shelves, and basically making a huge nuisance of herself.

This time they were careful not to dress like space pirates no matter what Coran said. Hunk was back at Sal’s Gordon Ramsay-ing it up there and Shiro was just wandering around looking at whatever passes his interest (cough which may or may not involve weird alien porn cough) he eventually made his way back to the Earth Shop where he found Lance frowning contemplatively at the fans.

Shiro followed Lance’s line of sight to land on one particular fan. “Is that a Hello Kitty fan?” He asked.

Sure enough, it was a Hello Kitty fan, the entire head itself was the fan with little white triangles for the ears and little black dots for the eyes. But one thing was wrong about this Hello Kitty.

“Why does it have a mouth?”

Lance furrowed his eyebrows and then smiles cheekily. “I guess it can blow you now.”

Shiro froze. “Oh god.”

“I'm sure that blew you away!”

“....” Shiro could not even dignify what with a response.

Lance laughed heartily, “I'm sorry,” he apologised, “It must have felt like I _pun_ ched you in the gut!”

Shiro squatted down and stared him dead in the eye. “You young man, need to be _pun_ ished.”

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (16)

In the calm, silent void of space, more specifically the Trash Nebula, little floof balls floated peacefully through the various metal debris. They went on their daily routine of scavenging for food and generally being fucking adorable.  
  
And like a thundercrack, a voice pierced through the emptiness, “YOU CAN PILOT THE LIONS?!”

Lance scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Erm, surprise?”

“How is that even possible?!” Allura screeched.

Pidge cut them off, as in physically came in between them and pressed a hand to their shoulders. “Okay, that’s enough, we’ll explain later Princess but right now we need to get the Lions back to Altea. Hopefully, the Black Lion and Shiro are still there.”

Keith turned to Hunk, “Is it possible to contact Altea all the way from here?” he asked, “Because I don't want to waste time going back and forth if Shiro is floating about here somewhere.”

Hunk shook his head, “It’s too far for our comms,” He explained. “To do that we’d need a very large and very powerful signal amplifier.”

“No no no, I need answers!” Allura insisted.

“Anybody tried contacting Shiro to see if he was in our range?” Lance asked, completely ignoring her.

“Excuse me!” Allura gasped in indignation.

Pidge shook her head, also ignoring the Princess, “Already tried, no dice.”

“What did we even do last night?” Keith wondered.

“I think we mixed nunvil and juniberry juice together and rampaged through the streets.” Lance answered thoughtfully, “And then I think we knocked out the guards stationed at the Lion’s hangar and took them out for a joy ride.”

Pidge slapped her forehead, “Why did we think that was a good idea?” she groaned.

“Which part? The nunvil or the joyride?”

“I don't know, both?”

“Is ANYONE even listening to me?” Allura bellowed.

“Not really no,” Hunk sighed, “We’re just trying to avoid the inevitable uncomfortable conversation about how we can pilot the Lions is all.”

“What?”

“In any case, I think we should stop wasting time and get the Princess and the Lions back to Altea,” Keith said diplomatically.

“Yes, yes, true.” Lance added sagely, “Which is why she’ll be riding with you!” and with that the three other pilots raced to their (or not?) Lions, leaving Allura and Keith in the dust.

Keith sputtered, “Wha-what?! Oh, fuck you, guys!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Altean: Yeah I have no idea where I'm going with this
> 
> Therapy: Originally this was supposed to be a board meeting where they discuss the getting Allura out of stasis and contacting the Blade or Marmora. Yeah, the paladins do _a lot_ of planning in my loops I realise
> 
> 12 year old: Pidge is frustrated with her bleeding vagina, also puns


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suuuuuper short chapter cuz I'm in a rut and this is whatever I wrote sorry ;-;   
> not totally 100% happy with this chapter but i really wanted it out of the way
> 
> thank you to everyone who commented, they really make my day!

 Loop 242 ALTEAN (17)

Leaning on the headboard with an arm supporting his neck and a strange trumpet looking cigarette between his fingers, Shiro took a drag and blew the smoke up towards the ceiling, watching it swirl and drift. 

The room was dimly lit with just a hint of a purple glow and the blanket was pooled around his bare waist. 

Right next to him, Zarkon is lying ramrod straight on the bed with the blankets pulled up to his chin. His expression is that of complete and utter shock.

Shiro barely spared a glance at him and blew another smoke ring. 

“...”

“...”

“...”

“So are you going to talk or-?” Zarkon began. 

“No.”

“Fair enough.”

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (11)

Keith was standing by himself in a recording booth. The large black headphones on his head caused his hair to stick out this way and that, making him look more ridiculous than usual.

“ _Good_ gurl _in a straw hat with her_ aaarms oooout _in a corn field_. ” Keith sang in an exaggerated southern drawl.

“ _ That is a scarecrow. _ ” He deadpanned. 

Outside in the control room Hunk was sitting at the mixing console. Keith made eye contact with him through the glass and Hunk gave him a thumbs up. 

“ _ We go to bed, you doze off so I take your country girl clothes off,  _

_ “I put my hand on your body,  _

_ “it feels like hay, _

_ “IT'S THE FUCKING SCARECROW AGAIN!” _

As Keith belted out the chorus Lance and Shiro came back into the control room from whatever toilet break they were having. Lance typing away at his holopad, writing yet another review on the team’s toilet review blog. 

He glanced at Keith and made a disgusted face. “Does anyone find it weird that even though Keith claims to be from Texas we've never actually heard him speak with a southern accent?”

Shiro shot him a flat look. “Lance let it go.”

“You're just salty because you found out about it last.” Hunk laughed. 

His holopad beeped signalling that he has received a text message. It was from Pidge and it contained only one word, “AGAIN.” It said. 

Seriously does she have super hearing? Or is she creeping about in the vents again like the gremlin she is?   


* * *

Loop 255

Keith growled in frustration as in trapped face first into yet another wall. “Okay, this is getting ridiculous.”

“You're telling me?!” Hunk screamed as he barely dodged a blast from the many drones and horribly missing when he stopped to shoot back. “My aim hasn't been this horrible in Loops!”

“Are we in a Loop where our balance is screwed up because I keep knocking into things I shouldn't!” Lance yelled at them through their coms. He was on the other side on the Galra ship trying to sabotage their engine with Pidge.

“Shit shit shit!” Pidge chanted as she accidentally hit the wrong button on the console yet again. “Argh! Why?! This should be easy!” She slammed her fists onto the console in frustration.

Sparks flew and smoke began to flow out of the machinery. “Uh oh.”

She turned and grabbed Lance’s hand, dragging him out of the engine room. “Go go go! This place is about to blow!”

“Ha, that rhymed.” He sniggered.

“NOT NOW LANCE!”

 

* * *

Loop 934 HP (10)

Hunk and Lance were staring out the window of the infirmary at the burning pyre. Keith was admitted to the infirmary for setting fire to his hair and was currently pouting in a bed as a potion worked to regrow his hair. 

“Do you think we should save her?” Hunk absentmindedly mused. 

“I don't mind but Pidge would probably try to murder you if you tried,” Keith said. 

“True.” Lance said, “So we're just gonna let this public execution happen or?”

Keith hummed in thought. “Maybe not all the way, just half way. We can drag her out when she's disfigured beyond repair.”

“Good idea.” Lance agreed. 

“By the way, has anyone seen Shiro?” Hunk piped up. 

\-----

“-and that is proof that I am from another dimension,” Shiro concluded.

Behind him was a very large, very tall blackboard which he had transfigured using Dumbledore’s desk. On the blackboard was very complex mathematical diagrams explaining the quantum physics of alternate universes and other scientific mumbo jumbo that Shiro managed to unconsciously pick up while he fought with himself to not strangle Slav.

With chiffon.

Black chiffon for maximum black aesthetic.

Preferably ones with the Black Lion on it, that would be cute.

* * *

Loop 769

If there was one thing Heather hated about working at the slickery was all the alpha douchebags that thought that they could pick up any and every omega that walked through these halls just because they donated their slick for lonely losers like them. 

She barely restrained the urge to roll her eyes as yet another beefy knothead approached her counter. Fairly attractive, Heather conceded, tall, muscular and had killer winged eyeliner, but she was more attracted to female omegas thank you very much.

“Married.” She said flatly as she flashed her left hand. It was farthest thing from the truth but it sure did keep the assholes off her sad single ass.

“Uh, congrats?” The man said. “Uh, we'll, this might be awkward but-”

Irritation flashed through Heather, can't this guy take a hint? “Look, sir, I don't know what your d-”

“I want to donate.” The man spilled out in a rush.

It took her an embarrassingly long time to let those words sink in. “Oh.”

“Yes. Um. So do I just drop it off or?”

“No no no wait.” Heather scrambled to get her bearings, she pulled pulled out a piece of paper from the tray and slapped it onto the desk, “I'll need you to fill in your name, age and other relevant information so we can register you in our database please.”

“Oh right sure.” The man said shyly.

The man dutifully scratched out all the random shit that needed to be filled in and Heather read his name upside-down.

“Shiro huh.” She said, the man looked up at the sound of his name, “What made you decide to donate huh?”

It was rare to have someone come upfront to donate, they'd usually be dropped off via mail with the form already filled out attached. Or with just their serial number written on the jar if they were already registered.

Also, it was not every day you'd see an omega with a stereotypical alpha physique.

Shiro looked like he was sucking a lemon. “You can say that a friend……… persuaded me.”

“You lost a bet didn't you.”

“Unfortunately.” Shiro sighed as he handed her his completed form. Heather nodded sympathetically as she keyed in the info into the rickety old computer of questionable reliability.

She hit enter with unnecessary flourish as she completed the virtual application. She hit print and handed Shiro the printout.

“The number on the top here is your serial number. Our address is on the bottom here so you can mail is your good if you so choose to continue donating.” Heather rambled absently. “Are there any questions?”

Shiro Pulled a small drawstring bag from his backpack, the jar within it clinking as he set in on the table. “Yeah, where do I put this?”

In all honesty Heather didn't know either but she carefully took the bag anyway. Usually all the slick donations would arrive in the morning with all the mail and she'd spend the early part of her shift placing the jars into their respective cubby holes but having a donation upfront, she had no freaking clue.

“I'll be taking it thank you.” She said professionally instead.

Shiro looked very relieved it was all over. He hurriedly thanked her and practically ran out. Heather half wished she could run and never come back too.

* * *

 

(Voltron Force)

“You pilot Voltron? But you're all practically children!” Other Keith exclaimed. 

“Yeah, having your princess in a cryogenic sleep for a thousand years leaving Zarkon to have free range of the universe and no one has seen hide or hair of the Lions in so long that everyone thinks that Voltron is a fairytale and doesn't exist, and then only finding the Blue Lion by chance with four other humans to awaken said princess in a galaxy far far away doesn't exactly give you a large selection pool,” Lance said all in one breath.

Other Allura and Keith stared at them completely dumbstruck.

“Fair point.” Other Pidge coughed into his hand awkwardly as Other Hunk guffawed.

Allura, ever the diplomat, cleared her throat, getting the attention from everyone in the room.

“Let's get acquainted. I am Princess Allura of Altea.” Allura said regally. From what she saw, these Arusians has very similar to humans (too much if you asked her, they seemed like a completely identical species) so she made an educated guess to their customs and extended a hand to her counterpart. 

Other Allura shook her hand firmly, “And I am Princess Allura of Arus and pilot of the Blue Lion.”

Allura tried not to think of the tiny Arusion of her universe.

“Keith, the Red Paladin, I may or may not be the future Black Paladin depending on whether Shiro dies or not,” Keith said flippantly and jerked a thumb in Shiro’s direction.

“Keith. The pilot of the Black Lion and leader of Voltron.” Other Keith said awkwardly as he shook his counterpart’s hand.

“Pidge. But you can call me Katie.” Pidge shook Other Pidge’s hand.

“Wait you're a girl?” Other Pidge gasped.

“Yeap, got a problem with that?” She said defensively.

“Well,” Other Pidge backpedalled a bit, “Seeing how everyone’s ethnic background has changed and ours has not, I think gender is a pretty good trade off. Anyway, you can call me Darrel.”

“Hunk.” Other Hunk extended a large beefy hand.

“Hunk.” Hunk tentatively accepting it. Rightfully so since Other Hunk’s grip was so tight he swore he heard his bones groan.    


Lance shook Other Lance's hand. "Just so you know," Lance said, "Red is  _so_ not your colour."

"Good to know." Other Lance said incredulously.

\-----

"Who the heck  _are_ these people anyway?" Larmina grumbled in the cadet's 'secret' hideout. "Barging in and demanding an audience with Voltron." She threw a rock at a stone pillar and watched it ricochet off it.

"Whoever they are they must be important," Vince said.

"But kicking us out? That's stupid! Aren't we part of the team?" Daniel protested.

"..."

"Wanna go listen in?"

"Fuck yeah."

\-----

“So you and your world’s Allura aren't together?”

“Nope.”

“ah… That might be a little awkward since I'm married to my Allura?”

“Uh no, as much as you'd like to think and/or hope, you two are not soul mates, we are not always guaranteed to get together.” Keith said, “besides, there's an infinite number of universes, there's always bound to be one where you're together and one where you're not.”

“Yeah, I suppose that's true.” Other Keith sighed.

“and I mean like, Allura is like our commanding officer, that's just weird.” Keith said, not mentioning the loops where he  _did_ get together with her. He just didn't feel up to signing up as war advisor, boyfriend and 24/7 therapist this time.

“Didn't stop you from boning Shiro though!” Lance cawed from the other side of the room.

“SHUT UP LANCE!”

“Shiro, as in your Black Lion pilot?”

“Yeah he's the pilot of the Black Lion, what of it?  _ You _ are the pilot of the Black Lion.”

“.....”

“Is having sex with yourself sex or masturbation?”

Other keith slowly backed away, "I'm just gonna go over there." he pointed at a random direction.

"Sure, hit me up if you ever feel up to it I guess." Keith shrugged. "You can invite Allura if it makes you feel more comfortable." He threw in as an afterthought.

Other Keith started running faster.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Altean: You guessed it! Shiro was getting some this whole time
> 
> Band: you can listen to the song Keith is singing [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stVNdLmKGYw)
> 
> Loop 255: the 'nothing has changed except everything is shifted slightly to the left' loop
> 
> HP: I'd love to have some Black Lion Chiffon
> 
> Loop 769: uh so.... uh.... omegaverse?
> 
> Voltron Force: uuuuh yeah....


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than 60k words wow, this is the longest piece of writing that I have ever written!  
> But just so you know, I am literally making shit up as I go
> 
> edit: 10/8/17

Loop 769 OMEGAVERSE (2)

“So what do you think of this whole dynamics thing?” Pidge asked. The whole team was lounging in Hunk’s apartment, waiting for Shiro to return.

“In all honesty, I could do without.” Lance sighed. He picked at some stray lint on his sleeve, “It’s really inconvenient to set aside one whole week off every other month for heats. It’s really killing my paycheck.”

“Yeah, ruts are hell too.” Pidge sighed. “And what I don’t get is ruts are usually found in ruminant animals such as deer, sheep and only happen once a year. But these ruts happen practically bimonthly and the whole alpha beta thing is usually found in wolves and dogs.”

"Are you seriously questioning the universe after all that we've been though." Hunk said.

"True." She conceded.

“And knots are weeeeeiiird.” Lance grimaced. “I can never get used to them.”

Everyone stared. “And by that, I mean knotting toys!” Lance hastily corrected. “Haven't invited anyone to share my heats yet.”

“I actually don’t mind it all that much.” Hunk said.

“Easy for you to say, you’re a fucking beta,” Keith growled. And I mean, legit growled, like a dog.

“Calm down you knothead.” Pidge scolded and Keith obediently if grudgingly, settled.

Shiro came stumbling in, looking extremely embarrassed. “Okay! I did it! Are you all happy now?” he threw his hands up and slumped onto the couch.

“Very.” Pidge sniggered.

“It’s not too bad.” Lance said, “It’s to help some poor alpha through their heat, I mean, I gave some slick to Pidge and it’s not _too_ bad.”

Shiro did not look convinced.

Of all the paladins, Shiro took to the whole dynamic thing the worst, he just could not seem to get used to it. And his heats reflected it, he came out of his heat week looking like hell and having more body aches and headaches than the number of bones in his body.

“At least you’re not donating your jizz.” Keith said, “ _that_ would be weird.”

“Or working at an omega milk bar,” Lance said.

“....”

“No.”

“....”

“Hold him down, I’m going to take a headshot for him.”

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (7)

Keith came stumbling into the team’s new lounge room wearing the Trial of Marmora outfit and looking very banged up. There was also the slight smell of burning flesh and ozone wafting around him.

Matt looked up from his very-important-documents and made a double take. “What happened to you?” He gasped and quickly got up to see if he was seriously hurt.

“Trials of Marmora,” Keith said as if it explained everything. “Also the leader of the Blade wants to arrange a meeting with you.”

“The what- never mind that right now, are you hurt?”

“Just let me crash for about 36 hours and I’ll be fine.” Keith dismissed and made a beeline for the plush couch. He dived face first into it and immediately went limp.

Matt would have been worried that he died if not for the soft snoring.

The door opened to reveal Shiro with a holopad tucked under his arm. "Woah, Blade of Marmora?"

Keith snored in reply.

"Ooh damn, we haven't planned on what to do about them yet." Shiro sucked a breath of air through his teeth and palmed his forehead. "Anyway, Matt." He turned to him, suddenly all business.

Matt stood straighter. A little wary since Shiro hasn't taken anything seriously since they were captured by the Galra. He shuddered to think what they did to turn him this way.

"When the others come back I'm going to be leaving for a planet called Arus and will be awakening the Altean princess Allura.

"All four Lions needs to be present to unlock the Black Lion so all of us will be away. I need you to stay close to your father and keep your guard up. There are rumours that Zarkon is gathering followers and there's no telling what they're planning."

Matt swallowed and nodded. "I know it's hard but I need you to be safe." Shiro placed an arm on his shoulder. "Look for a Galra general named Thace, he will get you in contact with the Blade. Organise a meeting with them and stick close to them, they'll protect you."

Matt took a deep breath. "Yes, I will."

"Good." Shiro shoved the holopad into Matt's arms. "Now the Minister of Finance is looking for you to discuss what to do about the budgeting for the military overhaul."

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (18)

“So are you going to explain?” Allura asked impatiently.

Keith remained silent.

“Keith,” Allura said sweetly.

He remained silent.

“Keith.” She said sadly.

No response.

“Keith.” She said sternly in her I-am-your-princess-and-you-must-obey-me voice.

“You know that annoying him is just going to make him more stubborn.” Pidge’s face appeared on the comm.

“Oh quiznack off.” Allura snapped, “Can _anybody_ tell me what in the known universe is going on?!”

The four was silent for a moment.

“We have no idea either?” Hunk offered sheepishly.

"What do you mean you have no idea?!" Allura yelled, "One does not simply pilot a lion!"

"Or walk to Mordor." Pidge piped up.

"Excuse me?"

"Just a reference you wouldn't get." Pidge waved a hand.

"Anyway," Allura shook her head, she was getting side tracked by them again, "Explain." 

"Magic?"

"Keith."

"Look, princess," Lance piped up on the comms, "We really don't know what's going on, one minute we were blind drunk the next we're floating in space."

"Yeah," Hunk agreed, "does anyone even remember what exactly we did last night?"

Allura blushed in frustration, she didn't remember either. She was pretty sure she made out with someone, not entirely sure who, oh quiznack what if it was Lance?! No. Nope. No. No. No. Got to scrub that thought put of her brain immediately. 

"You see!" Hunk said, "Now let's just get back to Altea and pretend this NEVER happened."

"Agreed." All if them chorused.

* * *

Loop 934 HP (11)

"You know, don't you find it incredibly boring that whenever we dump exposition we're always sitting around talking," Hunk asked mildly, still watching the literal Salem witch burning outside the window. Keith wanted to go sit by the window and watch too but was forced back into bed by an irate Madam Pomfrey so now he was sulking underneath the covers, his hair growing longer and longer by the minute.

"Well, what do you want us to do? Plan while doing vigorous exercise?" Lance snarked as he took a video of the historical moment of Umbridge burning at stake with his new smartphone. 

"I don't know, something more visually interesting I suppose?" Hunk shrugged.

"Hunk this is a written fanfiction, no one gives a flying fuck about visuals." Lance snorted.

"Yeah true but it'll be hell to adapt to animation or a comic," he said and then smacking him on the head, "Also, stop breaking the wall!"

Lance rubbed his head and obediently went back to taking his video. A tiny figure darting across the field caught his eye. "Hey, is that Pidge?!" He gasped and zoomed in with his phone. "Hey hey, Pidge is there!"

Hunk narrowed his eyes, "What's she doing down there?"

From what they could see, Pidge was jumping like a jellybean and darting around the rioting mob, catching their attention and waving her arms like a lunatic. She handed them something, before darting to the next group. The thing was, once she had told one group, the people she told also helped to spread whatever she told them, and soon the hundreds of people gathered at the field was in on whatever scheme she had up her sleeves.

Soon, there was a perfect circle formed around the pyre, the people's arms looped together as they swayed in unison, and with their combined voice, the trio in the infirmary heard what they were singing.

_"Lets gather around the campfire  
And sing our campfire song"_

_"Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E  S-O-N-G song"_

Lance stared in absolute astonishment and Hunk desperately suppressed his sniggers. "Holy shit."

And one by one the people stuck marshmallows onto sticks, some even stuck them onto their wands, and roasted it with the burning flames of the pyre backed up by Umbridge screaming.

"Hey guys,"

The two snapped out of their stupor and turned their attention to Keith.

Whose hair overgrew and was steadily taking over the entire infirmary.

"A little help?"

* * *

(Voltron Force)

“Wait so let me get this straight.” Allura said slowly, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder, “You five have been stuck in a multidimensional time loop for god know how long, and you know a genius quantum mechanic, and you didn’t think to ask him for help?!”

The five interlopers glanced at each other and shrugged helplessly.

“You try talking to Slav for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear your eardrums out.” Shiro, the leader, said. "Actually, you can go meet him right now, he's in the Castle."

"Right, if there isn't anything else you need me for, I'm going to go check on the cadets," Lance said, "Leave them alone for one minute who knows who'll get hurt."

Allura sighed, "I'm sure they're perfectly capable of taking care of themse-"

"No, I mean, to the people around them, or maybe they injure  _each other_."

"Fair enough." Keith nodded and Lance was out of the control room.

The other Lance rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, seemingly unable to keep still for even a second. "Soooooooooo..." He trailed off, extending the O like it was ten syllables, "can we go see your lions? Or more specifically, can I see the Blue Lion?"

"Excuse me?" Allura blinked.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," This strange Lance said flirtatiously, his eyebrows waggling like caterpillars. 

The other taller and darker Allura smacked him on the head. "Behave!" She snapped, before hastily turning back to them, "I am so terribly sorry," 

Allura waved her hands, "No no, it's fine, it's nice to see that some things are the same." She laughed. "But he's right, it would be interesting and extremely helpful if we could examine the difference  between our Lions so we could someday make improvements and upgrades."

Shiro glanced down as Katie tugged at his sleeve. She motioned for him to bend down and stage whispered onto his ear, "She speaks like a social studies textbook," seemingly completely oblivious that everyone could hear her.

Or she knew and she didn't care, and from the brief time that Allura has gotten to know them, she was betting on the latter.

"Don't be rude." Shiro gently chided.

Allura lead them to the hangar where the Lions resided. Raising a hand towards them she began explaining the main abilities of each Lion.

Katie whistled, impressed. It wasn't as glowy as the Altean hangar but it was not bad. She wasn't really listening to the other Allura, she could have Hunk fill her in later. 

Even back on earth she disliked guided tours and this, _really_  felt like a guided tour.

In the corner of her eye she saw purple glowing. She looked back at the tour group, making sure that no one (no one from the alternate universe and Allura anyway) was paying any attention to her before she snuck off.

\-----

"So these guys are like, team Voltron from an alternate universe." Vince said.

"That is so cool." Daniel grinned. "I wonder what we're like in the alternate universe."

"These guys look way scrawnier than ours." Larmina scoffed. "And did you see their Keith? He doesn't even pilot the Black Lion!"

"What are you guys doing?"

The three cadets jumped. Lance had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "Didn't I tell you that spying is rude?"

"Yeah, sorry." Vince apologised, looking appropriately shamefaced.

"What's up with these other guys?" Larmina cut in. 

"Yeah and can we meet them?" Daniel added, excitement in his eyes. "They look like they're about our age! And they're already piloting the Lions!"

"Youd have to ask our fearless leader about that, but I really don't see why he'd refuse." Lance said.

"Aw yeah!" Daniel punched a fist into the air and gave Vince a high five. "This is gonna be so cool!"

"Do you think they'll let you guys fight? Like spar or something, to see who's better?" Vince asked, Larmina parking up when she heard the word 'spar'.

Lance rolled his eyes but didn't reply. In all honesty he was quite curious about it as well. "Let's get out of this basement, lunch is probably ready by now. And right after that, we have class."

The cadets groaned but complied. Reluctantly trudging up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omegaverse: WHO WANT TO SEE SHIRO WORKING AT AN OMEGA MILK BAR RAISE YOUR HANDS
> 
> HP: tbh this was NOT how I pictured my Harry Potter loop would go


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND I'M BACK (here again lol) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos, it's so amazing that you all still enjoyed this even though I hadn't updated in two months.
> 
> I started getting more kudos and comments recently despite not updating and what the heck happened? Did someone rec AWBHA? WHat???? Happened?????
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter hope you enjoy
> 
> edit: 10/8/17

Loop 769 OMEGAVERSE (3)

"In all honesty, this was not how I pictured a milk bar to be," Shiro said weakly.

"What did you expect?" Keith snorted, leaning on the counter. "Topless omegas everywhere offering a lactating tit?"

Shiro turned away.

"..."

"Oh my god that was  _exactly_ what you were thinking wasn't it." Keith cackled.

Shiro crossed his arms and blushed even harder. "If you're not going to order anything, please get out of the line, there are _actual_ paying customers here."

The shop was empty save for a couple sitting cuddled up at a table and someone typing furiously on his laptop, he probably has a paper due in an hour or something. Other than that it was a rather slow afternoon.

"Riiiight," Keith smirked, "You read _far_ too much weird fanfiction, anyway, I'd like to have a chocolate milkshake, please."

"Coming right up," Shiro replied weakly.

* * *

Loop 22 SLIME (3)

"So what now?" Pidge asked as she watched Lance was playing peek-a-boo with the baby on the other end of the couch.

"I guess we raise it?" Keith said.

"We're in the middle of an intergalactic war," Hunk pointed out, "Not exactly a good time to take care of a kid."

"It's not like we can leave it up for adoption right?" Shiro directed the question to Allura.

Allura folded her arms thoughtfully, "Usually one would leave an orphaned child at an orphanage of the planet it was from, but this is a human child until it's Glungforbian Slime genes becomes more prominent." She said, "And if we leave it on Earth and it hits maturity and turns into a slime right there...."

Pidge shuddered, "Yeah..." Who knows what the government, or the Garrison for that matter, might do to the poor kid.

"Well, it looks like we have no choice but to keep it here." Shiro sighed.

"I'm sorry?" Keith apologised.

Hunk shook his head, "It's not your fault, who knew you could end up with a kid when you get pegged. I mean, _aliens_ but..."

Pidge made a face, "Gross."

Shiro cleared his throat, "If we really are going to keep the baby, then we'll need some supplies."

"Pit stop to Earth?" Hunk suggested hopefully.

"I'm sure it wouldn't come to that," Allura said, "As much as I know that you all miss your home, we're pressed for time and I'm sure we have all we need to raise a child here-"

"Pit stop to Earth." Shiro cut her off.

"Now Shiro, I'm sure we don't need to go  _all_ the way-"

"I found an Altean crib the other day, it had lasers installed.  _Lasers._ Noteven lasers to target people trying to steal or hurt the baby, lasers aimed AT the baby."

"Those lasers are to amuse the baby with a light show, not only does it entertain, it also calms them."

"The lasers were at about three hundred to five hundred degrees."

"And your point is?"

Shiro gestured wildly, making strangled choking noises before giving up on life and silently left the room.

"...Yeah we are definitely going to Earth," Keith announced.

* * *

Loop 18 (1)

"GAAH!" Pidge yelped and leapt out of her bed, tangling her legs in her blankets and falling unceremoniously onto the floor with a loud thump. 

"Oooow..." Pidge rubbed her quickly reddening forehead.

"What the hell?" She gasped.

Matt popped his head into her room. He laughed at the mess that was his sister, "Oh my god, you're so stupid."

"Shut up." She growled as she ran a hand through her long hair-  

Long hair. 

Oh yeah she died. 

OH SHIT SHE DIED. 

SHE DIED EARLY. 

Pidge groaned and flopped backwards into her messed up blankets. Bad idea, the blankets were thinner than she anticipated and she hit her head on the floor again. 

"Oooooooooooooooooow...." She hissed, clutching the back of her head, her body curling up in the fetal position.

"Oh my god you are so dumb." Matt snorted. "Hope you didn't lose too many brain cells."

"My brain cells die every time I talk to _you."_ Pidge retorted. "Good thing I'm a genius, or else I'd be brain dead by now."

"Yeah yeah whatever," Matt waved off, "Anyway mum says breakfast is ready so get your ass out of bed and come eat something."

"Sure thing," Pidge grumbled as her brother closed her door.

She quickly untangled herself from her blankets and took stock of her surroundings as her loop memories flooded in. So far no real changes, everything is as it were in the default loop.

She checked her calendar, two months before the Kerberos mission. She had time to make sure that Shiro and her family never set foot in that God damned ship in the first place.

Did she want to though? It would change so many things and she wasn't sure if she could handle the repercussions of her meddling.

Oh, who was she kidding, of course she was gonna meddle.

* * *

Loop 934 HP (12)

It wasn't long before the Ministry showed up, demanding the return of Umbridge and attempted to arrest the parents for 'assaulting a Ministry official'. This was, of course, met with resistance. Violent resistance.

Some aurors tried to get Umbridge down from the burning pyre but was stopped by a troop of parents. Taken aback that civilian witches and wizards were attacking them, the aurors were forced to retreat and regroup. "She must pay for what she's done!" One of them bellowed at their quickly retreating backs.

Cheers erupted as the Ministry fled the field and a few people set off fireworks with their wands.

"Hey, Pidge!" Hermione ran up to her, her hair wilder than ever and her faced flushed a little pink. "Don't you think we should take Umbridge down before there are any um... permanent damage?"

A hush fell over the crowd around them.

"And why should we do that?" Pidge said slowly.

Hermione's eyes darted around at the carefully blank faces of the people around them. "Well, you see," She carefully chose her words, "Since the Ministry wants her, keeping her alive would give us a bargaining chip with them."

"That is true." Pidge rubbed her chin. "Alright."

She nodded her head and turned to address the crowd, pointing her wand to her throat to project her voice. "We will be having a vote! Everyone still have their campfire song sheet?"

A chorus of murmured ‘yes’s and ‘yeah’s.

Pidge tapped her own sheet with her wand the lyrics to the song turned into two bullet points. Everyone else’s parchment reflected the change. The difference between Pidge’s and the rest was that there was a tiny counter on the right-hand corner of her’s.

  * Let Umbridge burn
  * Keep her alive as a bargaining chip to make demands from the Ministry



“Now, vote for an option by circling it and we shall proceed with the majority vote, in the meantime, Umbridge will be taken off the pyre.”

Hermione deflated slightly in relief. “Thank you Pidge.”

“Don’t thank me just yet,”

In the end, the second option won by a small margin and Umbridge was permanently off the pyre and held inside a makeshift cage someone transmuted from multiple coats. Her hands tied and her wand snapped to make sure she couldn’t escape.

Pidge quickly became the tactician and rebels, dubbed BURN, with Hermione as her right hand. Tents and barricades were set up around the field and Hogwarts itself as the battle raged on against the Ministry.

Dumbledore announced that he and the staff of Hogwarts remained neutral in this feud. Madam Pomfrey and the infirmary tended to the injured from both sides and fighting was absolutely forbidden within Hogwarts’ castle walls. Outside, everything was free game.

An agreement of sorts was made within BURN, there would be no Unforgivable Curses, only attacking to main not kill, and that the fighting would cease once their demands were met.

Pidge had sent their ‘rules’ and BURN’s demands to the Ministry through Dumbledore as he was a neutral party.

Their demands were simple, “Umbridge must lose both her post at the Ministry and Hogwarts, all rules set up by Umbridge must be abolished, all victims of Umbridge must be compensated, do not arrest anyone involved.”

“This is ridiculous!” Fudge exclaimed, slapping the parchment onto the table. Though the main fighting force was at Hogwarts, the Minister was still receiving reports while seated in his office.

Accompanying Dumbledore was Shiro who was decidedly silent throughout the exchange.

“This is what they demand,” Dumbledore said serenely.

“This is your doing isn't it!” Fudge accused, pointing at Dumbledore “You plan to usurp me and take the position of Minister for your own!”

“I have said this before and I will say it as many times as I have to.” Dumbledore sighed, “I have no interest in becoming Minister of Magic.”

“That’s what you want me to think!” Fudge snapped. “Arrest him!” he ordered the aurors lining the office irrationally.

No one made any move. If someone attacked Dumbledore, Shiro would surely step in and because Shiro is a foreign wizard, arresting or harming him in any way might cause an international incident. Wizarding Japan was protective of their citizens like that, so the aurors wisely left Fudge’s orders unheeded.

“If that is all,” Dumbledore stood up, “I bid you a good day Minister, let’s go Shirogane.”

Shiro nodded following him out but paused at the door. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He said, finally speaking, he pulled out an envelope from his robes and passed it to the nearest auror, “You might want to take a look at these.”

And with that, he swept out of the room.

Dumbledore chose not to comment on it until they portkeyed back to Hogsmeade.

“And what was inside that envelope you gave to our dear Minister?” he asked.

“Nothing much, just the pictures of the hands of the students that have passed through Umbridge’s office,” Shiro replied nonchalantly.

“Is that so.” Dumbledore nodded sagely and didn’t comment any further. 

* * *

 Loop 18 MEDDLE (2)

Keith didn't know what to think of this girl who was suddenly hanging around Shiro. Sure Keith was used to people of all kinds hanging around him, that was a given, I mean, have you  _seen_ Shiro?

But anyway, apparently this girl was the sister of one of Shiro's teammates. Keith never really paid any attention to that, he was a little more concerned about his grades. Now, this girl would have faded into the background like all the other people clamouring for Shiro's attention if not for one thing, she talks to him.

Now when people tried to befriend to Keith it was usually to get to Shiro or because he's a 'prodigy' and at the top of his class. It's either that, or they ignore him entirely. 

When the girl approached him, Keith immediately wanted to place her in the 'trying to get to Shiro' category but well, her conversation starter was certainly unique, he'd give her that. Usually, people would butter him up by mentioning his accomplishments or talk about flying, but this girl, oh boy.

He was walking through the hallway, wondering if he should head to the library to get some work done or give up and sleep for the rest of the day, so far the second option was winning out but his unfinished assignments taunted him. That was when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"HiKeithI'mPidgewannablowuptheGarrison?" The girl with impractically long hair said in one breath.

"Um, what?"

"Dude, keep up," The bizarre girl rolled her eyes. "I hate this school and I wanna get kicked out. Wanna help me?"

_"What?"_

"I. Want to. Blow up. The school." She said slowly. "Will you help me?"

"But why?"

"I want to stop the Kerberos mission." She said, which raised a lot more questions that it answered but hey, that wasn't any of Keith's business.

"No." He said and turned to get away from the weirdo as fast as possible but was yanked back by the hair.  _By the hair._

"Now listen here mullet boy." She said lowly, "If Shiro and my family goes on that mission they  _will_ get abducted by aliens and then proceed to get tortured for a year before you, me and two other guys and Shiro, who escaped and crash-landed back on Earth, to find a magic robot lion and participate in a ten-thousand-year-old intergalactic war. Capiche?"

Now, Keith was a conspiracy nut but  _this_ was nuttier than anything he'd ever imagined.

She fished his phone from his pocket (um excuse me, personal space?) and programmed her contact into it. "Text me when you've thought about it." She said and patted his cheek. And like a force of nature, she left, uprooting and sweeping everything in her path and making Keith dizzy with the thought of  _exactly what the fuck just happened?????_

* * *

Loop 242 ALTEAN (19)

The Castle of Lion was in utter chaos, all of the Lion were nowhere to be found, the Princess was missing, as was the Captain of the Royal Guard _and_ the Black Paladin himself. No one had any idea where they were and the guards who were stationed at the Lion's hangar was knocked out. An investigation showed that the security system was turned off at about two dobashes before the guards were reportedly knocked out.

Search parties were immediately deployed, legions and legions of troops sent out to find... everything basically. It was a big mess.

Caelnis and Ewara were freaked out by all of this, anyone would be, but it became even worse when they rushed to the sewing room to find it empty and completely trashed. 

"Oh my stars! What happened?!" Ewara gasped.

Fabric was strewn everywhere and the remains of the mannequins lay scattered on the floor. The sewing machines were taken apart and wires hung from the ceiling like party streamers.

"Lance?" Caelnis called out. "Lance!"

He checked under the mounds and mounds of fabric, hoping to find his friend/boss sleeping, or at least lying unconscious, there.

"He's not here!" Ewara exclaimed.

"You don't think he'd been taken too?" Caelnis gasped.

"But why would he be? He's not anyone important!" 

"Maybe he was with the princess at the time!"

"We have to tell the king!" Ewara grabbed Caelnis' collar, shaking him.

"Okay, wait," Caelnis held onto Ewara's hands, "Maybe he's with Pidge and Hunk." He tried to reason.

Ewara reluctantly released his collar, "Yeah, maybe you're right."

Caelnis was not right and was completely wrong.

"THEY'RE GONE TOO?!" Ewara screeched.

"Yes," A guard said, "Lance's family had reported him missing this morning, along with Hunk and Pidge's families, and though it hasn't been confirmed yet, Shirogane's younger brother hasn't been seen since last night and we suspect he is missing as well. Not only that, the access card that was used to turn off the security system was Pidge's."

"The five of them were always together!" Caelnis said, "Maybe they were together when they were taken!"

"Yeah!" Ewara nodded her head vigorously, "The princess and Zarkon were on a double date with Lance and Shiro, maybe the other four met up with them!"

"That sounds plausible," The guard said thoughtfully, "I did hear that Captain Shirogane was interested in Zarkon. I will report this to the higher ups immediately, in the meantime, please stay indoors."

"Oh stars, I hope that they're alright."

\-----

"Oh fuck we are  _not_ alright!" Hunk swore and vomited into the strange alien toilet bowl which was shaped like a cone.

 The team, minus Shiro and plus Allura, had stopped by somewhere, a dwarf planet? For food. 

The food was so raw the tentacles were still moving in the putrid neon pink goop, but Allura swore it was delicious. And taking the princess' word for it, everyone dug in.

Yeah, the food wasn't exactly agreeing with them.

"Remind me to never listen to Allura ever again," Lance groaned, dry heaving in the stall next to Hunk's.

"If I ever do, it will be  _too soon."_ Pidge moaned, leaning against the toilet bowl and relishing the cool surface against her flushed forehead.

 _"Fuck y'all._ _"_ Keith growled, _"Allura knows what she's doing, let's trust her, we trust her with our lives after all!"_ He said in a mocking high pitched tone. "Me trusting her with my life  _does not_ mean I trust her with my stomach." 

"Duly noted, we'll take that into consideration next time." Lance said hoarsely.

"There will  _be_ no next time." Pidge said firmly.

A polite knock came from the door. "Are you alright?" Allura's slightly muffled voice accompanied the knocking.

"Princess, with all due respect, _fuck off._ " Keith snarled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loop 769: HA what exactly were you thinking the milk bar was? Next time, Keith has to get through his rut
> 
> Loop 18: Now it's Pidge's turn to be by herself. Somehow I always get Pidge and Keith in a team, idk their dynamic is fun.
> 
> Loop 934: this.... was not how I thought my HP loop was gonna go
> 
> Loop 242: Allura has a stomach of steel


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motherfucking evil alteans Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfuckin alternate realities bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn created Non-Cogs then fucking slaves and shit right fucking badass Slav god damn rowing the boat fuck yo shit I can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck General Hira man

Loop 769 OMEGAVERSE (4)

Shiro kind of short of hated Keith right now.

Thing is, not that Shiro wanted to be uncomfortable with being an omega or hell, he wasn't actually unopposed to the idea of a world with some weird alpha/beta/omega thing going on. Hell, if he was in any other situation he’d be all for it.

Thing is, right now, everything and everyone smelled like shit and he had no idea why.

Especially people who were going through their cycles. They smelled the worst. They literally smelled like shit and an entire garbage island rolled into one person.

According to Lance, Keith smelled like musk and early morning rain.

Yeah, he wasn’t getting that. Like, at all.

He wasn't even reacting to his heats like he was supposed to. Lance always seemed refreshed and rejuvenated after and hell, even during his heats. But for Shiro, it made him feel completely sick and sluggish. Sick as in, oh god I might projectile vomit right now. Not only that, he was in a constant state of exhaustion at least a week after it.

So anyway, right now Keith was in his rut and was effectively booted himself out of the team’s shared apartment to the crazy cat lady's house two door down. The lady was a nice woman with twenty cats and so many scented candles it drowned out any and all smells that Keith may or may not be emitting.

The lady was nice enough to let Shiro stay for the week as a kind of live in cat sitter. Keith’s rut only lasted three days but the other four was for airing out the whole apartment.

Next time, they should just go to a heat hotel for this shit. There is no freaking way Shiro could live like this when Lance, Pidge and Keith going through their cycle every other month.

“I hate his universe.” He growled as yet another cat decided his prosthetic arm was a good scratching post.

* * *

Loop 244 MAYA (2)

Maya had no idea what the fuck was going on. She was just minding her own business when suddenly four randos just up and grabbed her. Her mama always warned her about strangers and now she’s been abducted.

She’s been knocked out and tied up, her mouth stuffed with a dark red handkerchief to stop her from screaming. What did they want with her? She didn’t have any money, she didn’t have anything. Oh god is she going to be sold in a human trafficking ring?

Maya trembled as the kidnappers landed the plane. She was now in a foreign land with no idea where she is and how to even contact home.

The one with the headband leapt out of the door and took a deep satisfying breath. “Aaaah sweet sweet ambiguously American air.” He sighed

Okay, Maya calm down, take in the information you have. You’re on American soil. I mean, there isn't any confirmation on where she is but she’s assuming America judging by the accents of the people who kidnapped her and aforementioned ‘sweet sweet ambiguously American air’ whatever that means.

The one with edgy emo white hair carefully lifted her out of the plane. His face was…….nice, he totally looked like her type. “Look we’re really sorry, we don’t want to hurt you, we just want you to help us pilot a magic blue space lion.”

….He would have been her type if he wasn't bat shit insane.

* * *

Loop 300 DAD SHIRO (5)

Rubbing his hands together Shiro heaved the last of the boxes into the moving truck. He gave the driver a thumbs up and headed back into his house. Or well, soon to be ex-house.

His four kind of sort of but technically biological children were all lying on the floor in the now bare living room.

By some miracle, Shiro has managed to get these four to survive to see their thirteenth birthday. He credited Allura but that didn't exactly stop these four menaces from getting him called into the principal’s office on an almost biweekly basis.

Is biweekly twice a week or once every two weeks? Ugh, English is stupid. Anyway, Here he has his four teenagers lying on the unforgiving stone cold floor staring blankly at the ceiling.

“What are you doing.”

“Contemplating our small and meaningless existence and wondering if this life is worth living,” Keith replied.

“Don’t we all.” Shiro nodded sagely, “But can this be moved somewhere else, preferably the car?” he gestured to the open door where their car is parked right outside.

“There is nowhere we can go where we can escape the crushing feeling of your own insignificance.” Hunk said but all of them got up and filed out anyway.

Keith called shotgun and climbed into the passenger seat while the rest of them climbed into the back. “Shiro, is there a reason why we’re suddenly moving?” he asked when they were all strapped in.

“Plot convenience.”

Pidge kicked the back of the driver’s seat. “Stop. Breaking. The. Wall.” She hissed.

Shiro apologised insincerely and the rest of the drive went by in relative peace.

\-----

Shiro opened parked the car in front of a modest house white picket fence. Ah, the American dream. Not that he knew anything about it, he was Japanese.

“And here we are,” He announced, gesturing to their new house, “Our new headquarters. It's no Castle of Lions but it’s not too bad.”

Pidge eyed it up and down. “It’ll do.” She said and snapped her fingers.

Hunk uprooted the ‘FOR SALE’ sign while Lance headed to the booth of the car and grabbed a can of gasoline. He splashed the sign with a generous amount of it and Keith struck a match.

The sign erupted in flames.

“Sometimes I wonder if I should be concerned.” Shiro shook his head. “Okay enough of that, we have some unpacking to do.”

Like the children that they are, the team (including Shiro) grimaced and groaned.

\-----

They were just about done unpacking when there was a knock at the door. Shiro dusted his knees and answered the door, throwing a glare over his shoulder, warning a world of pain if the kids decided to run off and leave all the work to him while he was distracted. _We fight together we die together_ his eyes said _and if you leave me I will hunt you down._

He opened the door to a clean cut good looking clean cut blond haired blue eyed white man, he was generically good looking all in all. Not that he was plain, oh no, he was definitely handsome. It was just… somehow Shiro got the feeling he’d seen at least a few other good looking men who looked just like him.

Shiro blinked a few times, feeling as if he was being distracted by the man’s generically handsome face.

“Hello my name is Joseph, I’m your next door neighbour,” he man introduced himself.

“Hey, I’m Shiro nice to meet you.”

Joseph thrust a plate of cookies into Shiro’s hands. “Here have these, I saw the moving van and decided to welcome you with some homemade cookies. My daughter made them.”

“Wow, that's really nice of you.” Shiro accepted the plate. He was about to turn to offer the cookies to the kids when Pidge ran up and kicked the plate was out of his hand causing the cookies to fly into the air.

Lance expertly shot the cookies with a nerf gun, changing their trajectory and the rest of the team caught them with their shirts with relative ease. All cookies in their possession, they made a mad dash to their room upstairs.

All of this transpired in less than a minute with deathly efficiency. Joseph blinked in awe and confusion.

“Yeah, those are my kids.” Shiro shrugged, “you kind of get used to it.”

Joseph shook his head, “Yeah children are tough, I have four kids too.” He smiled. “Anyway I’m holding a barbeque for the cul-de-sac and I’d love for you and your kids to come.”

“Sure we’d love to come.” Shiro smiled.

They exchanged more basic pleasantries and then Joseph took his leave. Shiro smiled pleasantly and as soon as the door was closed he whipped around and yelled, “HAND OVER THE COOKIES.”

\-----

The next day barbecue was pretty much in full swing by the time they arrived. Even though they arrived two hours early. Joseph greeted them enthusiastically and introduced them to his family, except for Crish, he was about… somewhere.

“.... okay, I'm going to say it.” Pidge said at last, “WHY ARE ALL THE DADS HERE HOT?”

Shiro was suspiciously silent.

“OH NO. OH NO YOU DON’T”

* * *

Loop 934 HP (13)

After the whole debacle, Umbridge was fired no questions asked. The team was all sitting around in Shiro’s room again, snacks and glitter were strewn about in their own private celebration.

“Well, that went over _really_ well.” Hunk said.

“I’m just glad she’s gone.” Keith sighed.

“Fuckin yeah,” Pidge said gleefully, tearing down all the Umbridge pins and post-it notes on their conspiracy board. “Now we can concentrate on killing all the Horcruxes.”

The door slammed open as Lance pranced in, “Are we sitting around dumping exposition again?” he asked and flung his book bag onto the table.

“Yeah pretty much.” Hunk said.

Shiro came in not long and gently closed the door behind him. “Legs off the table.” He said without even looking at them as he dug into his drawer and threw a bottle of fire whiskey in their general direction.

With masterful reflexes, Keith caught it just before it smashed into a wall. “Ooh, Maroon Phoenix, 1875, fancy stuff.” He read the label.

“Yeah, apparently it was given to this universe’s Shiro as a present from his parents congratulating him on getting a job, whatever that means.”

“...right.” Keith summoned five cups with a wave of his wand and distributed the whiskey evenly.

“Anyway, I have some exposition to dump onto you,” Shiro announced. “Dumbledore has accepted me into the Order of Phoenix.”

“That’s great!” Pidge perked up. “Now we access to the locket.”

“Now we have to figure out how the four of us are gonna get in.” Lance sighed.

“Eeeh no, I can handle it,” Shiro said. “I can get the locket and you guys can destroy it. We don't need all five of us in there.”

“Aaaw but that was the fun part,” Pidge whined.

“If you wanted fun you could have let Umbridge stay and let Harry for the DA so you can join it and then follow him into the department of mysteries.” Shiro pointed out.

“But I wanted to get rid of her ASAP,” Pidge growled.

“We know we know.” Hunk patted her.

* * *

 

The trip to the alternate reality was a complete disaster. Just as Pidge was able to lock onto the exact location of their exit point, Hira had somehow managed to land a hit on them, causing them to veer slightly to the left.

And as a result they were in yet another alternate reality but who knew what kind. The Castle of Lions still wasn't there and neither was that planet. But at least they didn’t have those alternate Alteans on their tail anymore.

“Oh no, where are we?” Allura bemoaned.

“Same coordinates as before princess.” Pidge reminded.

“I know that,” Allura snapped, “I mean which reality are we in?”

“Who knows!” Hunk exclaimed, “we could be in a reality where things are WORSE than before! Maybe humans have taken over the galaxy! Or- or weblums!”

“Hunk calm down,” Lance said.

“Panicking will get us nowhere right now, let’s keep our cool and figure out a plan,” Keith said.

“We could just go back in exactly where we came out from,” Pidge suggested.

“But that would put us back into the hands of those other Alteans,” Allura said, “I say we figure out how to destroy this comet first before we do anything else.”

“Well since time seems to move in the same way in both realities, we can do that first and we can head back, those Alteans would have probably left by then,” Pidge tapped her chin thoughtfully.

“Or they could have called backup and have that area surrounded.” Hunk said gravely.

“But they couldn't have known we were knocked off course,” Lance said.

“Okay here’s what we’re gonna do.” Keith cut in, “We are going to land and destroy this comet, this takes priority over everything else. Pidge mark our exit point, we’ll deal with those Alteans later, if it comes to it.”

\-----

They ended up on a deserted planet not too far from their entry point. The five lions standing guard above them. They were discussing the best way to destroy the comet when a black speeder approached them.

The paladins were immediately on guard. The rider was careful to stop a distance away from them before dismounting. “Well, this isn’t something you see every day.” The rider laughed.

“Who are you,” Keith asked.

The rider took off his helmet to reveal a familiar scarred face and stupid emo hair.

“Shiro!” everyone gasped and ran up to him.

“You guys are definitely not the team I left at base, what happened to you?”

“We’re from a reality where the Galra took over and we accidentally crossed over to this reality” Keith explained.

Shiro nodded thoughtfully, “This your first time using inter-dimensional travel?”

“More or less,” Pidge said.

“What happened in this reality?” Lance asked, “You’re not wearing the Black Paladin flight suit. Are you still the Black Paladin here?”

“Oh yeah, kinda?” Shiro scratched the back of his neck, “I’m the Black Paladin but I'm on vacation right now?”

“Vacation?” Hunk gasped. “Isn't there a war going on right now?”

“Um not really? Yeah sure there’s always going to be a war somewhere out there, the universe is a big place after all and people are assholes but major universe scale war with an iron fisted dictatorship? Not really.” Shiro said. “We managed to strike a negotiation with this universe’s Lotor and he helped us take down Zarkon. The Galra political scene is _not_ pretty right now.”

“This universe sounds like a dream come true.” Allura sighed. “Our Shiro is still missing and we have no idea what to do.”

This Shiro laughed, “Hey don't worry about it, he’s probably still alive somewhere no doubt.” he stilled for a second, “Or you guys could be in a reality where I die early again but that's like a zero point two percent chance of that.”

"That's not a very high chance." Lance sighed with relief.

"Oh you'll be surprised," Shiro said, amusement evident in his voice, "You have no idea how many times I've died for no reason."

That was not comforting. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot believe season 3 introduced alternate realities man, first season 2 with a time loop now this, can this get any better
> 
> now i have a good excuse to let the canon paladins meet the looping crew
> 
> Dad Shiro: I played dream daddy recently (FUCK THAT GOLF MINI GAME) and I remembered that I conveniently have a loop where Shiro is literally their dad and very much single ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some short stuff because I totally forgot that I'VE GOT SOME FAN ART ASDFGHJKL  
> [here](http://spideronthewindow.tumblr.com/post/160656014489/) and [here](http://spideronthewindow.tumblr.com/post/160643334159/) GO CHECK THEM OUT
> 
> thank you to everyone who has commented on the previous chapter, people are really freaking out about the dream daddy thing lol

Loop 242 ALTEAN (20)

Physically, it was a really nice night with Zarkon. He was gentle at the right moments and was rough at others, _and_ he made sure he finished. It was all in all, a very satisfying evening. What Shiro was not expecting was the emotional baggage and talking the morning after. Yeah, Zarkon was an emotional over-sharer, who woulda thunk.

“-and I still miss her you know? But she was getting too obsessed with that hole in the ground and it was killing my people you know? But oh my god I miss her so much-”

Shiro nodded and made all the appropriate noises at all the appropriate times. But seriously what the fuck? They literally just slept together and he was already sobbing about his ex and how much he still loves her, what the fuck.

“Have you tried talking to her since then?” Shiro asked politely, _WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP HIM?!_ , he screamed at himself.

Zarkon buried his head in his hands, “I have but she refuses to speak to me, she said the only way she’ll ever speak to me again is if I use Voltron to travel to an alternate dimension for her which I cannot because this obsession is not healthy for her.”

“...ah,” Shiro said helplessly. “Well, maybe you could give her some time and if you don't list as high in her priorities then she's not worth it." He rubbed the edge of the blanket, just itching to gtfo.

Zarkon leaned against the headboard, "Not only that, there's my son too..."

Shiro nodded along but his hand slipped under his pillow and activated the distress signal he stashed underneath it.

* * *

(canonverse meets loopers)

The team was setting up camp for the night, everyone was sitting around the makeshift campfire while Hunk was stirring the pot of mystery sludge on top of it. Turns out there was a certain type of edible rock that could be melted to taste kind of like chicken here.

"You know," The Shiro from this dimension said conversationally, "There is a 0.0817104726 percent chance of me getting together with Slav in every dimension."

Keith spat out his space soup, "What?!" He coughed.

Shiro nodded, "It's true. I've seen it happen, actually, I've lived through it a couple of times."

"What the fuck Shiro?" Lance yelled. 

"Wait, what do you mean 'lived through it'?" Pidge asked. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention."  Shiro smacked his forehead, "Remember when the wormhole was corrupted by Haggar?"

Everyone nodded.

"Yeah all five of us ended up stuck in a kind of time loop where we always loop back to the start of our adventure, only we're not technically looping? It's more like we keep getting sent to different dimensions that are pretty similar to each other does that make sense?"

"Kind of?" Lance said before getting smacked in the face by Allura's hair when she suddenly jumped up.

"I remember that Coran and I were stuck in a time loop in that wormhole as well! The mice kept changing species and Coran became younger and younger with every loop we experienced!" she gasped.

"Yeah, it's something like that." Shiro nodded, "Only we can't seem to figure a way out of the loop since we just get sent straight to another loop when we die."

Silence fell around the campfire. "That... that sounds like a terrible existence." Allura stuttered.

Shiro shrugged nonchalantly, "Eh, we don't really think about it." he said and shoved some space soup into his feeding hole. 

\-----

After living for as long as Paladins have, Hunk was not surprised when Shiro came back with alternate versions of themselves.

The team was vacationing on a relatively deserted planet with nothing rocky planes as far as the eye can see. The planet has a functioning ecosystem already but no sentient life forms have emerged yet. This was one of the many planets they were touring in their break, the reason why there were here was that their hot springs were to die for, they were even better than those in on that resort planet they visited once. Lance swore his skin has never been smoother and softer in his life.

Anyway, he, Lance and Pidge was soaking in one of the hot springs when Shiro and the alternate Paladins arrived. Their reactions to them were entertaining, to say the least.

"Hi there!" he greeted and waved cheerfully. Thankfully the spring water was murky enough to not scar them for life.

"Oh my god this is so weird." The other hunk groaned.

"Hi, what brings you here?" Pidge asked pleasantly, ignoring that the boys in the alternate group quickly turned away out of politeness.

"Um, this comet thing and evil Alteans?" The other Pidge replied.

Pidge nodded sympathetically, "Completely understandable." She said.

"So uuuuh is personal space not a thing in this dimension?" the other Lance asked, pointing between the three of them who were sitting shoulder to shoulder. Naked. In a hot spring.

Lance and Pidge exchanged cheeky grins. "Personal space? What is that?" Lance asked mock innocently and performed the good old stretch and then rest your arms on your partner's shoulders thing.

The other Pidge jumped away from other Lance with a horrified yelp. "You two are not like,  _together_ are you?" Lance gasped.

Pidge leaned against Lance's shoulder, a finger tapping thoughtfully against her lip. "Not  _technically."_ She said, "But there  _is_ a 1.30282809 percent chance of us getting together in every dimension."

"You are talking like Slav and that scares me." Other Keith stated.

And Shiro just laughed.

And laughed. And Laughed.

He placed a hand on Keith's shoulder looked him dead in the eye. "We're broken on the inside." He stated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as of the writing of this chapter there are 22029 fics in the vld tag on ao3, all of the pairing percentages are based on the number of fics in the tag
> 
> sheith: 3213 so there's a 14.58532% chance of them getting together in every universe and so on  
> klance: 10964, 49.7708%  
> zarkon/shiro: 20, 0.0907894%  
> shlav: 18, 0.0817104726%
> 
> according to this, shiro has a higher chance of getting together with zarkon than slav and that makes me laugh so much


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED ON THE LAST CHAPTER I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH
> 
> ALSO CHECK OUT THE FAN ART I GOT OF [THE KIDS BURNING THE 'FOR SALE' SIGN](http://spideronthewindow.tumblr.com/post/164087298384/cloudybahi-my-favorite-fic-updated)
> 
> ALSO I HIT 70K WORDS LIKE WTF?????? HOW????????

Loop 242 ALTEAN (21)

Keith knew exactly who it was when a beacon lit up on his monitor. “Hey guys,” he announced, “Guess who I found.”

“Whelp that solves one mystery.” Pidge said, “wanna go pick him up?”

“Wait what?” Allura asked, completely confused. She was hitching a ride with Lance this time because Keith said they needed to take turns.

“We found Shiro.” Lance explained.

Allura squinted at the screen, “That's a distress signal,” She said, “Are you sure you should be so calm right now? What if he's in trouble.”

“Well, the worst thing that could happen is him dying so no not really.” Keith deadpanned.

“WHAT?!” Allura exploded, “How could you say that?! He's your brother!”

“It's really not a big de-”

“Shut the quizsnack up,” She growled, using her wider hips and superior strength, she shoved Lance out of the pilot seat, “Get out of the way, I'm driving now.”

Lance sputtered, “Hey! You can't just-”

But Allura had already taken the reigns. She gasped as she felt the Lion in her mind for the first time as she as she grasped the controls.

“Huh,” She said and lifted her hands up to inspect them as if it were the first time she ever saw them, “I never knew it was so easy. Now I know how you four just hijacked the Lions last night.”

* * *

Loop 300 DAD SHIRO (6)

The early morning had the four of them going downstairs to get breakfast before school. Hunk at least made the effort to make a sandwich from whatever they managed to stock their fridge with in the two days they moved in. Pidge hard boiled an egg. Lance just grabbed a bag of leftover doritos and was done with it. Keith…

Keith drank chilli sauce straight from the bottle.

“Why Keith. WHYYYYYY.” Hunk hissed in utter disbelief.

“Because I'm a [spicy boi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKf-w1QmML0).”

\-----

The new neighbourhood was pretty nice, there was a coffee shop, a park, the beach and an animal shelter all within walking distance of their cul-de-sac. Why the selling price wasn't insanely high and cost maybe an arm, a leg and your first born child was beyond Keith. How six single dads were able to afford this while taking care of at least one child was also beyond him.

Actually.... now that he thinks about it................

He was sitting in the back of the classroom with Pidge as Mr Vega droned on and on about The Cask of Amontillado or something. Hunk and Lance were sitting on opposite ends of the class at the front as punishment for making a ruckus. 

"Hey, hey Pidge," Keith whispered.

"Yeah?" She whispered back.

"I've been thinking..."

"Is this a conspiracy theory?"

"Maybe."

Pidge grinned, "Lay it on me."

"Miss and Mister Shirogane," Mr Vega's voice cut through their conversation. "Please don't make me separate you two like I did with your brothers."

\-----

Shiro made himself comfortable on the living room couch and surrounding himself with plush pillows and a blanket, oh and not to mention pizza. The TV was showing some Netflix animated original as background noise and the curtains were drawn up to achieve maximum dim lighting. He was an adult, he could do this if he wanted to.

He stared intently at his laptop, occasionally humming and tapping a finger against his chin. He took a bite of the sinful greasy cheese filled heart attack inducing pizza and moaned. Er, we're getting sidetracked, anyway.

He didn’t exactly need help with this whole ‘technology’ thing. He was an ace pilot that flew a giant robot cat and manoeuvred his way through alien interfaces pretty decently so a social media website was a piece of cake.

He asked himself, was he looking to attract anyone in particular or make himself look more attractive.

In the end, he decided to just answer the questions honestly.

**_On a Friday Night you are most likely to...._ **

_be putting out a fire or smoothing over some disaster my children inadvertently/intentionally caused._

**_If you had one thing to take with you onto a desert island, what would it be?_ **

_A giant alien robot Lion_

**_What are your turn-ons?_ **

_Sleep_

**_What did you want to be when you grew up?_ **

_A pilot and an astronaut_

**_What's your favorite movie genre?_ **

_Romantic comedy and sci-fi_

**_What's your ideal date?_ **

_Somewhere where I and my date doesn't get attacked by aliens completely unprovoked like seriously who does that?can't a guy catch a break? Like seriously?_

**_What do you never leave home without?_ **

_My arm(s)_

**_I spend a lot of time thinking about:_ **

_How insignificant we are and how my continued existence is pain but there is no way out of it. Oh and green food._

Shiro uploaded a picture of himself to use as his profile picture and was done. DadBook was not exactly a very complicated site to navigate, there was the home page, the friends page and the message board. Not much to it. Reminded him a lot of Facebook though.

He was scrolling through the profiles of his neighbours when Pidge slapped his laptop shut. “NO.” She said firmly.

“Pidge why you gotta be like this all the time.” he whined.

“Shiro I don't care who you sleep with but these people are our neighbours, we see them every day, I don't wanna hear shit when you inevitably bone them in your room.” She said, “That and one of them is literally our English teacher. I wanna still be able to look him in the eye you know.”

"Oookay so the teacher is off limits."

"No as in  _everyone_ is off limits  _especially_ the teacher and that Christian white man." Pidge corrected.

"Joseph is married," Shiro said, "What do you take me for? A home wrecker?"

"I'm just saying," Pidge raised her hands in defence, "But seriously, no fucking our neighbours."

Shiro sighed irritably, " _Fine fine."_ He said, "Doesn't mean I can't just hang out with them though, they seem like nice guys."

"Promise me, Shiro," Pidge pleaded, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Shiro exhaled deeply from his nose but nodded seriously, he held out his hand and they hooked pinkies. "I promise." He said. "This isn't because of some conspiracy theory or..."

"...."

".........."

"Maybe?????"

* * *

(Canonverse meet Loopers)

Now that they weren't in any imminent danger, the team settled down enough just a little. The alternate Lance did invite them to join them in the hot spring which their Lance was almost tempted to accept, Allura yanked him back and politely declined on behalf of all of them.

Alternate Lance shrugged, “Suit yourself.” He said.

“By the way,” Hunk said, “where's your Keith?”

Alternate Pidge opened her mouth to answer but deflated halfway, “I… Actually have no idea.” She admitted.

“Same here.” Her companions shook their heads.

Alternate Lance gasped, “You don't think he shacked up with another slime??”

Shiro stared at him flatly. “You do know that Keith slept with people other than that one slime right.”

“And I still wonder how he wasn't ruined for just about everyone and everything else.” Alternate Lance said. “I mean, a _slime_

“OKAY EVERYONE SHUT UP.” Keith interrupted, flailing his arms, “Can we NOT talk about other me’s sex life?”

"Sure, if it makes you uncomfortable." Hunk said apologetically. "But seriously where is Keith?"

Pidge felt someone brush past them. "Everyone cool your tits I'm right here." It was the alternate Keith, in nothing but a small white towel. Oh shit Pidge never realised Keith was _that_ ripped like wow holy shit those legs ooooh my god, there was a bead of sweat that trailed down his pec and woooow.  _Wooooow._  Pidge felt her face heat up, stealing a glance at her teammates she could see their faces were red too.

"Oh hey," He greeted them offhandedly as if seeing alternate versions of himself was an everyday thing. 

"Hey where were you man?" the other Lance asked casually as the other Keith lowered himself into the hot spring.

"Masturbating."

And everyone nodded along like it made all the sense in the world.

\-----

After the.... rough.... introduction, the alternate paladins finally put some clothes on and they all piled into their ship. It was a relatively small ship of Altean make and had ten fully functional rooms and showers. The alternate Hunk prepared them a meal and they all sat down to properly introduce themselves and talk. Finally.

"Okay, all of us sharing the same name is so damn confusing, I can't keep calling you 'the other Hunk' or 'the other Keith' in my head all the time." Hunk said.

Everyone from his dimension nodded in agreement.

"Well, you can call me Akira." The other Keith said.

"Tsuyoshi." Other Hunk said.

"Isamu." Other Lance jabbed a thumb to his chest.

"Hiroshi," Other Pidge announced happily.

"What's up with the weird names?" Lance asked.

"There was one point where all of us were Japanese," Shiro explained.

Allura nodded, "Now that that's over with, let's talk business. Do you know how to destroy that comet?"

"Of course we do." Hiroshi said, pushing her glasses up her nose, "Throw it into a black hole while a star explodes right next to it, there's very little that can survive that."

"How are we supposed to find something like that?" Keith asked irritably.

"You could always make an artificial one." Tsuyoshi pointed out, "It'll take a lot of time and calculations but it can be done."

"And time is something we don't have," Keith snapped, "We need to destroy it _now_."

"I mean," Isamu snorted, "You could always try playing soccer with it in Voltron, we'll even play against you."

" _Ooooooh_ ," Hiroshi gasped, "That would be fun!"

Tsuyoshi raised his hand, "I second that vote."

"THAT IS _ENOUGH!"_ Allura slammed her hands onto the table, the food rattling in their bowls and plates. "We are at _war_ and all of you are acting like children! Your dimension might be alright now but our's is still at war!"

"Not to mention that our Shiro is still missing!" Keith added.

The alternate Paladins fell silent, their expressions unusually blank and serious. Hiroshi laughed humourlessly, "It's been a while since we actually one hundred percent gave a damn about something. I envy you, I miss that."

"It's a little hard really take anything seriously," Shiro said.

"I mean if we do it'll probably be a one-way spiral down into despair," Isamu admitted, "We've lived for so so long and the universe is always in need of saving, it never stops."

Silence hung above them like a guillotine. 

Akira finally broke the silence, "We'll help you destroy the comet." He said, "Leave it here and we'll take care of it. You can go back to your dimension without worry."

"...alright," Keith eventually said.

\-----

Without much else to say or add, they ended the meeting and retired for the night to mull over their thoughts. Tsuyoshi was about to head off to bed when Lance stopped him. "Hey," He whispered hesitantly.

They were the only two people in the hallway and Lance was hugging his arms to himself. Oh boy, Tsuyoshi thought, this is gonna be rough.

"Can you keep me company until I fall asleep?" Lance asked in a small voice.

Tsuyoshi cocked his head in confusion, "Not that I mind but why?"

"You seem.... nice and tactile I guess? You're my best friend from another dimension," Lance blushed, "And I don't wanna bother the guys from my dimension and after this... I don't think we'll ever meet again so no one will ever know."

Tsuyoshi nodded, that barely made any sense but if this was what would comfort Lance then so be it.

He followed Lance to his temporary room and sat on the edge of the bed. Lance awkwardly lay down facing away from him. His body completely tense. "Hey," Tsuyoshi said gently, "If you want to me leave I can always g-"

"No, it's fine." Lance interrupted.

Tsuyoshi hummed and patted Lance’s hip like how mothers do when they want to lull their children to sleep and eventually, the rhythm and the slight humming made Lance relax. 

"I'm sorry that life lost it's meaning to you guys." He said quietly.

Tsuyoshi's patting paused for a split second but quickly resumed to cover up the blunder. "It's fine," Tsuyoshi said, "We're used to it."

"You shouldn't have to be though." 

Tsuyoshi smiled, "Thank you, Lance."

Lance pulled the blanket up around his shoulders tighter, "And what about us? We're still at war and there's no end in sight,"

“Everything will turn out alright in the end,” Tsuyoshi assured him.

“How can you be so sure about that?”

“Because whenever something devastating happens, the multiverse strains itself to try to make it better again.” Tsuyoshi explained, “For every bad thing there are at least ten other alternate dimensions where that never happens, and at least four where that thing happens but it gets worse. But statistically, things aren't as bad as they could be.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Oh we're never sure,” Tsuyoshi chuckled, “But that's okay too. You just have to be in the moment, be present. Things just keep on going no matter what and sometimes you get swept up in it and by the time you stop to think you've realised you managed to push through.”

Lance remained silent for long while and Tsuyoshi almost thought he fell asleep. He was just about to get up when Lance whispered, “Thanks.”

Tsuyoshi smiled down at him and tucked a stray hair behind Lance's ear. “You're welcome.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally the lance and tsuyoshi scene was much much shorter and it was with lance and akira but having an alternate hunk made a lot more sense in the end (and i neeed more hunk action in this fic like omg) that scene was the first thing i wrote in this chapter at like... 3am on my phone while i was in bed i think? rereading it now im like, wow that's actually not bad advice
> 
> wow, this is a relatively more serious chapter like wtf happened


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Yeah its been a while, was kinda overseas for a bit and then writer's block and then I got into Hollow Knight... In any case here's another chapter
> 
> btw I have not watched season 4 yet so no spoilers!

Loop 769 OMEGAVERSE (5)

“Maybe I should quit my job.” Shiro mused absentmindedly.

“Dude, you're working in a coffee shop, that's like, perfect fluff fic au right there.” Lance waved his hands. “Imagine if you meet like  _ your one true mate _ there,”

Shiro stared at him flatly, “Seriously?” 

Pidge scoffed from where she sat on the couch, “And you've only been there how long now? Three months?”

“Well, It's not exactly paying the bills.” 

“Little, but it's not your turn to buy the groceries until next week.” Hunk said kindly as he bustled about the living room, stacking his castle of cards juuuuuust right.

“And I won’t get to drink your salted caramel frappuccino anymore,” Pidge added.

“I can make you some of that anytime,” Shiro said. “I still think I should get a new job. I'm not exactly a hot young college student anymore.”

“It’s fine Shiro, besides, the smell of coffee covers up just about all smells. Like those ‘unsavoury’ smells you hate so much.” Lance pointed out and handed hunk another stack of cards.

“Speaking of your true mate,” Hunk piped up, “Since you have an olfactory disorder would your true mate smell wonderful to you or like, just smell terrible?”

Shiro opened his mouth to answer, hung there for a second, and then wilted like a flower. “I... have no freaking idea.” He said, “Everything and everyone just smells bad and I don't think anything is going to change that, True Mate or not.”

“Shame because Keith smells really delicious right now.” Lance’s nose flared and smacked his lips.

“Aaaaaaand that’s my cue to GTFO.” Shiro sighed irritably. “Seriously guys? We JUST cleared the house of the smell.”

“Well I’m sorry if it bothers you but I can’t exactly hold it in.” Keith huffed as he walked in, bearing a tray of kale juice fresh straight out of a carton. 

“I’m just saying that I’m barely in the house as it is and with like, two bimonthly ruts and heats is really starting to grate on me. I barely stay in the house as it is.” Shiro shrugged, careful to not breathe too deeply as he accepted the green juice from Keith. 

“We really should find a solution to this problem, if this goes on, Shiro might as well have to move out.” Hunk said and took a hearty gulp of the kale juice.

“Like what, find a cure for his disorder?” Pidge scoffed.

“That… is not actually a bad idea.” Lance gasped excitedly. “We have like, two of the universe’s smartest geniuses, and by that, I mean the biggest nerds, right here, and coupled with thousands of years of knowledge and experience, how hard could it be?”

“Lance, you are wrong on so many accounts.” Pidge snorted. “First of all, genius in programming and computer know-how does not translate into genius in medicine and the human body, much less these weird humans who have ruts like ruminant animals and have heats like most mammalian therian.”

“Yeah, I'm not exactly confident enough in my medical knowledge to go tinker at Shiro’s glands and potentially disable him for life or worse.” Hunk agreed.

“Well I’m fresh out of ideas,” Lance sighed, slumping dejectedly, “What ‘bout you Keith?” 

He shrugged, “I got nothing either.”

“But if we manage to fix his nose he’ll totally enjoy himself like the rest of us, like really! The refractory periods of this universe’s humans are insane.”

“As much as that sounds enjoyable I'm really put off by anything and everything right now so how about no,” Shiro said firmly. “Maybe we should just invest in scent blockers or something, I don’t know but I'm really not interested in anything right now so can we talk about something else?.”

The rest of the team remained quiet for a moment before respectfully letting the subject drop. 

“Hey did anyone see that weird anime about cars that combine into another bigger car?” Keith piped up.

* * *

Loop 279 THERAPY (7)

The mission to retrieve their lions didn't exactly go as planned. Maybe they were becoming complacent in their old age, or maybe they were a lulled into a false sense of security with Matt at the helm of the Galra Empire (“Republic.” Matt corrected for the Nth time) but the Hunk and Lance were ashamed to say that they were ambushed.

It started out pretty standardly, Keith was ferrying both Shiro and Pidge in Red as they went to retrieve Green while Lance was off getting Yellow with Hunk in Blue. Pretty standard.

They didn't expect that there were still active drones and fighter jets but they took it with stride, manoeuvring around them and shooting them out of the sky. And that was pretty much when Haggar got the drop on them and electrocuted them from out of the sky. Yeah. Not one of their highest moments.

Currently, they were chilling in one of Haggar’s labs, a downgrade for certain since there was the distinct lack of many many torture devices. But that was to be expected when the Galra went on strike and proceeded to riot through the streets.

Anyway, the two Paladins were just hanging around as Haggar poke and prodded at them. Oh and electroshock therapy, that too. Hunk could never get used to that, it was insanely uncomfortable and the room smelled like burnt flesh most of the time.

Lance wasn't doing any better than he was, he lay limply on the cold metal operating and was breathing as shallowly as possible to avoid making the ache in his chest any worse. Hunk could totally relate.

“Quintessence is an energy and like all energies, it cannot be created or destroyed, it only transforms from one form into another. And I have a theory.” Haggar said, pacing to and fro, eyeing the two of them lying on the tables. “I believe that once a living being has died it’s quintessence is scattered across the universe and maybe even the multiverse and somehow, your quintessence remains whole enough to retain all your memories and knowledge and latches onto the next source of quintessence similar to yours in another dimension, this is why you are ‘looping’ so to speak.” Haggar monologued like the villain she was.

That… Made a surprising amount of sense.

“Not only that, the more you ‘loop’ the more quintessence you accumulate, and this is your what loop now?” 

“Oh no, I do not like where this is going.” Hunk coughed, his mouth tasted like ash and maybe burnt flesh, ugh he hated that taste.

“Hundredth? Thousandth? The amount of quintessence in your bodies would be immeasurable.” Haggar continued as if she hadn't heard her.

“Oh, I reeeeaally don’t like where this is going.” He hissed.

“Is there, like a way to suicide out of this reality because that looks like a pretty good option right now,” Lance said, lolling his head about and wondering if he had enough strength to crack his head against the table he was strapped to.

“Come to think of it, why haven't we suicided out of a reality before now?”

Lance gave a few experimental taps against the table with his head. “I mean, we  _ could _ have. We totally should have when we were in that god reality-”

“Okay hold that thought, we have more important things to worry about right now.” Hunk interrupted as Haggar continued to monologue. “Like getting out of here.”

That got Haggar’s attention. “Don't think you can escape that easily,” She sneered. She keyed some commands into the control panel and the tables the Paladins were strapped onto righted themselves, so they were facing upright and then reversed into some stasis pods.

It reversed into the pods slowly just so Haggar could watch sadistically while the two of them dramatically struggled, kicking and screaming against their bonds of course.

“FUCK! OF ALL WAYS TO CONTAIN US-!” Was the last thing Lance shouted before being frozen. 

\-----

Little did Haggar know that there had been a certain green paladin hiding in the air duct the entire time.

“WE HAVE TO GET THEM OUT OF THERE HAGGAR WANTS TO  LITERALLY USE US AS BATTERIES TO POWER THE GALRA EMPIRE AND ALLOW THEM TO TRAVEL TO ALL DIMENSIONS OF THE MULTIVERSE!” Pidge yelled into her comm.

“That or she wants to like, put us in a vat to extract quintessence to smoke or something, like some human quintessence bong,” Shiro replied.

“NOT HELPING SHIRO.” Pidge hissed.

“Sorry sorry, but you have to admit that it is a possibility.”

“.....”

“Admit it, you thought it too.”

“Now’s not the time Shito.”

“That digs deep Pidge. It really does.”

\-----

Matt was having a very nice and normal day as the president of the Galra Republic. Turns out, politics fucking sucks. He had to keep so many people happy if he wanted to keep his position, well not even that really, he needed to keep as many rich snobby assholes happy as possible just so he won’t get assassinated and then get replaced by another tyrannical asshole.

Turns out, politicking is dirty fucking business.

That and there are rumours of a right-wing party lobbying for the return of Zarkon’s son. As if Matt didn't have enough things to worry about.

That includes making sure that he isn't assassinated, hence the Marmorian Galra standing stiffly right by him as he went through the incredibly dry and boring paperwork. 

“...”

The guy (or gal? It's really hard to tell with the members of the Blade sometimes) wasn’t much of a conversationalist. It makes Matt really miss his sister and her crazy gang, even if they all seemed to have gone insane over the past year. 

He would talk to his dad, but he had his own fair share of problems with the Human/Galra resources department. That and he needed some, let’s call it, alone time with his mum. 

Matt rubbed his temples as his console dinged with yet another complaint letter. He needed a way to solve all these problems quick or else he’d be looking at a pre-WW2 Japan where the people were unhappy with the ruling democratic party and deciding to back a militant government.

Not to mention that Zarkon and that crazy witch Haggar was still at large and nothing was stopping the unsatisfied Galras from searching them out. AND he needs to find a planet to relocate the Galra to since Daibazal is… well gone and all.

He really needed a drink. He pressed a button and spoke into his console “Mindel, could you please bring me some of that wine Mr Shirogane and the Paladins have been harping about.”

“Right away sir.” She replied and then promptly ended the call. 

Matt sighed and slumped into his seat. He hated this so so much. Like what the fuck man, this was not what he signed up for when he applied to the Garrison.

* * *

Loop 101 BAND (12)

On normal loops signing autographs and meeting people were normal but not really a main focus of Voltron. Of course, they did meet the occasional fan and maybe took a picture or two but that was usually the extent of it. They usually just went in, saved the day, celebrated for a bit and then got out. Plenty of people expressed their gratitude but no one ever went super fanatic and like, sent them creepy fan art or anything.

But yeah being a super attractive rock/pop/indie/whatever-passes-their-fancy band in addition to being super attractive defenders of the universe, really caught the attention of all sorts of the crazy to their doorstep.

The five of them were going through their fan mail in the lounge. Some were physical letters on paper-like material or whatever paper equivalent that species had and some were just plain bizarre, like one which was basically a box full of smaller boxes which contain tiny rocks and each individual rock cluster had a particular meaning. It was like some incredibly convoluted bouquet of flowers except it spelt out entire paragraphs. Most were digital and were digital so they were easily understandable once they ran the translation programs on them.

A lot of the letters were heartfelt and sweet, thanking them for giving them hope in their dark times. There were also handmade gifts among the mail, some with far too many armholes or not enough chest room but it was the thought that counts.

“Aww, this one is of you and Keith holding hands!” Hunk cooed and handed Lance the silk-like paper. “Look at the detail man, they even managed to capture your freckles!”

Keith leaned in, “Yeah that is pretty cute.”

“Oh wow,” Pidge whistled as held her holopad up. “I didn’t know you were that flexible Hunk!”

“Say what now?” Lance peered over her shoulder. “Oh da-yum man, why don't you ever do that for me?”

Hunk leaned over to peer at a very flattering piece of fanart of himself. “Nice.” He said before going back to scan the bewildering rocks.

“Oh, I have one of Shiro here!” Keith announced, flipping his holopad over to show the others, “I’m not sure these aliens know what human genitalia look like.”

Shiro nodded in approval, “I’d tap that.” 

“Shiro, you fucked your own clone at some point.” Pidge deadpanned.

“And I’d do it again if given the chance.” He said shamelessly and swiped right on his holopad. “And it cloneS, emphasis on the plural.”

Keith looked up, “Is it sex or masturbation if you fuck yourse-” 

Lance held his hand up, shushing him, “Don’t, just. Just don't.”

“Says the guy that had a thing with that weird tentacle-.” Keith pointed out.

“ONE TIME KEITH. ONE. TIME.”

“One time too many Lance.” Hunk nodded his head and high fived Keith’s raised hand.

“Oh like you're one to talk! I still haven't forgotten the time with that vampire dude.” Lance shot back.

“Hey! Dalv was a perfectly gentlemanly Dracmalian man and what we did wasn’t even that extre-”

“There was blood EVERYWHERE Hunk! I thought you were being murdered!” Lance exclaimed.

“That wasn't even my blood!”

“Do you have any idea how traumatising it is to walk into a room and see one of your best friends lying under a pale assed vampire alien with pointy teeth and BLOOD dripping from the ceiling?”

“I know what it looked like Lance, I was there.”

“And how much work it took to clean that up?” Shiro chimed in. “Dracmalian blood is like tar!”

“Heh.” Pidge stifled a giggle.

“Oh hardy-har Pidge, you’re not as vanilla as you pretend to be, I know what you did with those machines in the dark.” Hunk huffed.

“At least I actually remember to lock the door!”

“And then forget that most of those thingamabobs you like so much take out the power of the castle.”

Keith gasped, “So that’s why the lights go out every Saturday!”

“I'm not the only one using the power too you know! What about Lance gaming or Keith using the training bots? Why does everyone have to do everything at the same time when I need some alone time huh?”

Then the paladins devolved into hurling insults and accusations at each other. Meanwhile, Allura and Coran quietly back out of the lounge. Once the yelling was sufficiently muffled by the closed door Coran let out a dreamy sigh, “Ah to be young.”

To which Allura shot him a scandalised look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> band: I kinda just wanted to establish the shiro isnt the only one who's sexually active, all of them are but they just like to give him shit for it
> 
> therapy: I always wondered why the captors just don't put them in stasis, it eliminates them from actually planning a way to get out and shit. Plus, it'll be even more tortuous, for arena fighters for example, you fight and once youre done you get shoved into stasis and the moment you wake up you have to fight again, over and over. but maybe it takes up too much power idk


	26. Chapter 26

"Hey what day is it today?" Lance asked.

Barely looking up from her laptop Pidge replied, "October 23rd."

"OH SHIT." Lance gasped.

Shiro jolted awake from his chair, a trail of drool was hastily wiped away, "WHAT, WHAT IS IT."

"TODAY'S KEITH'S BIRTHDAY." Lance exclaimed.

"OH SHIT." Hunk swore.

"WE FORGOT." Pidge groaned.

"FUCK." Shiro looked up at the ceiling as if it would grant him all of the answers.

"I can't believe y'all forgot my birthday," Keith tched and shook his head in disapproval. "Hundreds and thousands of years together and y'all forget."

"I AM SO SORRY." Pidge yelled. 

"YEAH EXACTLY WE ARE SO SORRY!" Hunk added.

"We can take you to dinner right now? Just tell us what you want to eat." Shiro suggested.

Keith shrugged, "I don't feel like going out right now." He leaned back into his beanbag and settled his controller onto his stomach, the game on the holoscreen taking up most of his concentration.

"Then I can whip you up something nice!" Hunk jumped up.

"I can help too!" Lance volunteered.

Pidge scrambled up from her seat, her laptop safely tucked under her arm, "I still have those hippo charms I bought from the space mall!"

Shiro was at a loss of what to do. "I can do sexual favors?" He suggested meekly.

"You've got yourself a deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FORGOT KEITH'S BIRTHDAY SO HERE'S WHATEVER THIS IS

**Author's Note:**

> come find me at [spideronthewindow.tumblr.com](spideronthewindow.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Here, Have Some More Loop-de-loops](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11776461) by [californianNostalgia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/californianNostalgia/pseuds/californianNostalgia)




End file.
